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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think no thought has gone into this present....

49 replies

Lifeover · 02/04/2019 09:00

By way of background we go to this place a lot, ie about every 5 weeks and send 1 week in summer school kid a half term. Usually stay budget eg premier inns and s/c for week stays.

For mother’s day I got a Friday night in the hotel we usually stay at, for birthday got the next night in a better hotel done the road so have to switch hotels.

Now I do love this place, already got 3 trips booked there in next few months. DH and I usually get experience for our Presenrs as we have enough stuff. DH said I’d always wanted to stay in the nicer hotel (I’d never mentioned it) there’s only one hotel in this place I’ve repeatedly talked about staying at. I’ve mentioned a couple of other towns I’d really like to visit this year quite a few times.

I know it’s afirst world problem but Aibu to be a little disappointed about the obvious lack of thought about theses presents and know it will be just as much DHs treat as mine esp as we will be back there 2weeks later over Easter

OP posts:
Bezalelle · 02/04/2019 09:05

That's kind of ungrateful of you, OP. I think it's a lovely gift. Maybe start counting your blessings instead of picking faults.

Angellucy07 · 02/04/2019 09:09

Sorry I don't "get" where you are coming form at all.
I'd have been happy with that.

ALLMYSmellySocks · 02/04/2019 09:09

Depends whether it was a genuine mistake or not. It sounds like the type of gift DH might have genuine thought you'd like. OK he misjudged a bit but not the end of the world.

Bluntness100 · 02/04/2019 09:10

I'm sorry I don't understand this either, it seems like a nice gift, two nights away with your husband?

Doghorsechicken · 02/04/2019 09:12

I think that’s a nice gift, why would they choose another town if you always visit the same one several times throughout the year?

DantesInferno · 02/04/2019 09:12

i think that he tried to do something nice, and obviously thought it was the hotel you wanted to stay in

GemmeFatale · 02/04/2019 09:20

So he gifted you a night in the hotel he fancied not the one you wanted to stay in?

And you also got to do the wife work of packing everything from hotel one to move half a mile down the road to hotel two?

I wouldn’t be overly impressed, but if you usually gift experiences I’d be happy to share. Book two nights at the hotel you’d like for his birthday?

Purplelion · 02/04/2019 09:27

You got a night in a hotel for mothers day and then another night for your birthday and you think it was thoughtless?
I got a box of chocolates and a cooked breakfast and I was happy. You sound a bit ungrateful.

onefootinthegrave · 02/04/2019 09:36

Really ungrateful!

Blinkingblimey · 02/04/2019 09:40

Yep, yabu.

S1naidSucks · 02/04/2019 09:40

He basically bought himself a present for YOUR birthday, OP. You’ll get lots of people come on here to tell you that your ungrateful, spoilt, etc, but I know what you mean.

The cost of the gift is not the most important thing, it’s the lack of thought. It’s like a woman wanting a new handbag for her birthday, but her husband buys HER a computer game.

HeathRobinson · 02/04/2019 09:43

Yep, he's arranged a joint gift. Where's your individual gift that he doesn't benefit from?

Original poster
Lifeover · 02/04/2019 09:43

It’s just that it’s basically exactly the same thing we always do. Imagine if you are in pizza hut every other Thursday. For mother’s day you got a meal out at pizza hut on the off weeks Thursday and for your birthday a meal at pizza express on the Friday. It’s like I’ve been saying for ages I’d like to go out for a curry but DH prefers pizza so that’s where we’re going.

Fair enough if ibu. We’ve just had a really shit year.

I know we’re lucky to go away to hotels so often - it’s how we spend our money - our house is prob worth half of what my colleagues are worth, it’s just what we prioritise.

OP posts:
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 02/04/2019 09:43

[DH and I usually get experience for our Presenrs as we have enough stuff]
This ^
You've already both acknowledged that its not about presents but time spent doing something enjoyable.. and then you complain that -
[ it will be just as much DHs treat as mine }
Sorry but isnt that the point?
What is wrong with you BOTH having a treat to share for your birthday.. Why do you think he should be excluded from the joint treat? Surely if you have to do it alone, it won't be such a nice treat?
Perhaps consider counting your blessings?

mclaleli · 02/04/2019 09:43

Hmm. Some people didn't even get a card. Sorry, I would be delighted with your gift.

Slightlyjaded · 02/04/2019 09:44

I get it.

People are being deliberately obtuse. Yes, on paper, a night in a hotel is a lovely present. Another night in a different hotel is another lovely present. But together, consecutively, so you have to move mid trip, at a place that is not new is different. Context is everything.

I don't think it was thoughLESS - just not thoughtFUL. There's a difference I think.

DoubleDaffodil · 02/04/2019 09:46

I got a nearly dead bunch of pink roses from Lidl and was thrilled.

MashedSpud · 02/04/2019 09:47

Yabu.

Original poster
Lifeover · 02/04/2019 09:57

Mmm I can see that this thread has predictably become a race to the bottom. Patiently waiting for the dead pink roses from lidal to be trumped by the gratefulness for an out of date single roses chocolate.

It’s nothing to do with the cost of the present. Everyone can afford different things, just like in the rest of life. I understand to many people a night away would be a treat, but for us it’s normal, just part of outer usual lives. I guess it’s just the fact I’ve been given something we basically do month anyway. By way of context 2 out of the last 4 weekends have been spent in hotels.

OP posts:
Toooldtocareanymore · 02/04/2019 10:03

I get what your saying Lifeover but then say you drink wine and eat chocolate most weekends, and get a gift of wine and chocolates does that make it a thoughtless gift? I think some thought went into it it just wasn't spectacular, treating you to the usual treat, why don't you just cancel one of the other 3 trips you have already booked and move it to one of the other towns you want to visit.

DarlingNikita · 02/04/2019 10:04

People are being deliberately obtuse

Totally.

I get it, OP.
Having to switch hotels on a two-night break is not in the least relaxing or treatlike.

Going to the same place you always go is not particularly special, either.

Your DH saying you've always wanted to stay in the other hotel when actually you've never mentioned it is very Hmm, as is failing to note that you'd like to visit some other towns for a change.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 02/04/2019 10:04

Dying to know which town it is that would tempt someone to visit so often.

And OP, I think YABU because clearly some thought actually has gone into it, just not the thought you were hoping for.

AryaStarkWolf · 02/04/2019 10:10

And OP, I think YABU because clearly some thought actually has gone into it, just not the thought you were hoping for.

This ^

Serin · 02/04/2019 10:24

Would also like to know which town?
I would even get fed up with st Ives if I went that often.
Maybe you could drop subtle hints next time but TBH you sound a tiny bit spoiled!
I got a cup of coffee and a croissant in bed on Mothering Sunday.

Serin · 02/04/2019 10:29

Oh and in answer to your "race to the bottom" post, I'm quite happy with the coffee and we could probably afford to buy a holiday home in your said town.