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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think no thought has gone into this present....

49 replies

Lifeover · 02/04/2019 09:00

By way of background we go to this place a lot, ie about every 5 weeks and send 1 week in summer school kid a half term. Usually stay budget eg premier inns and s/c for week stays.

For mother’s day I got a Friday night in the hotel we usually stay at, for birthday got the next night in a better hotel done the road so have to switch hotels.

Now I do love this place, already got 3 trips booked there in next few months. DH and I usually get experience for our Presenrs as we have enough stuff. DH said I’d always wanted to stay in the nicer hotel (I’d never mentioned it) there’s only one hotel in this place I’ve repeatedly talked about staying at. I’ve mentioned a couple of other towns I’d really like to visit this year quite a few times.

I know it’s afirst world problem but Aibu to be a little disappointed about the obvious lack of thought about theses presents and know it will be just as much DHs treat as mine esp as we will be back there 2weeks later over Easter

OP posts:

Cyberworrier · 02/04/2019 10:30

I agree having to switch hotels is unrelaxing- any chance of changing the bookings?
But with your Pizza Hut analogy, if you and DH always have previously chosen Pizza Hut for treats, how would he know you’ve finally reached your limit for Salad Buffet and build your own ice Cream? Have you dropped hints about maybe trying Nando’s for a change... or had a grown up conversation?
Second the wanting to know what town it is!!

sagradafamiliar · 02/04/2019 10:32

Yanbu! Bit of a bizarre choice given that you'll be back there soon anyway.
Not sure what other people's finances or holiday homes have to do with the price of fish, either. Some posters got out of the silly side of bed this morning

Eliza9917 · 02/04/2019 10:32

I usually buy experiences for DP now, as we also have enough 'stuff'. I always buy two and we do them together. Or if it was something more appropriate he did with as friend he could take someone else. His last present was half a day's horse riding. Why would he want to do that by himself? If we both go we can go for a meal after and make a day of it.

It never occurred to me that this was selfish

sagradafamiliar · 02/04/2019 10:34

It would be selfish if you chose something your DP has no interest in and was your idea of fun, Eliza.

redwoodmazza · 02/04/2019 10:34

I would be disappointed too.

AryaStarkWolf · 02/04/2019 10:34

It never occurred to me that this was selfish

It isn't selfish, me and my DH always do this too and I love that, I love doing stuff with him

SleepingStandingUp · 02/04/2019 10:40

If you go to this place every few weeks and stay I ntbe same hotel I can see both why you think its a lazy present and why he thinks it's an awesome present.

Would have expected the nicer hotel for both nights though, seems odd to have to swap given money isn't tight.

Sounds like he's got the nicer hots muddled and booked the one he thought you'd like, unless he has form for deliberately getting you the wrong thing but near as some sort of pa arsery

gamerchick · 02/04/2019 10:43

Well this is an easy one OP. When it's his birthday, you book the night in the hotel you wanted to stay at.

Bluntness100 · 02/04/2019 11:06

But clearly you really like going there, to the extent you sacrifice home comforts to go, and you also got the different hotel, I can see why your husband might think you'd like it.

Clearly you're not happy about it, and feel it's not good enough for you, and that's your prerogative, but for me he's got you a gift of what is your fave thing and what you prioritise, but if it's not good enough for you it's not good enough for you.

thecatsthecats · 02/04/2019 11:16

I get it, OP, but I also think it's not necessarily a huge deal.

No, it's not thoughtful... but I don't think that's the end of the world, gift wise. Maybe I'm saying that because my husband, his parents and my parents are all fairly average gift buyers (which is being polite for no reason when they can't see it, because they can be awful).

So now I give direction (at least to his family) - no, their presents aren't thoughtful, but they are gifts, and it's a lot better than bad or downright useless gifts!

My husband's best gift to me was spending £400 on something he didn't put thought into at all - it was a specific trip on the other side of the world that I thought we'd miss out on because of bad planning that I was in tears over. He didn't put thought into choosing it at all - but he knew how much it meant to me to do it, so paid over the odds.

DarlingNikita · 02/04/2019 11:16

we could probably afford to buy a holiday home in your said town.

That is TOP-NOTCH bitchery

Hersheys · 02/04/2019 11:18

@DarlingNikita it isn't though is it, she's saying that she was happy with the mere coffee and croissant in bed when they can afford a hell of a lot more...

GreatDuckCookery · 02/04/2019 11:31

I get why he booked it, he knows you like it! I guess it’s a bit lacking in imagination and thought though.

Original poster

Lifeover · 02/04/2019 13:36

But it’s not about affordability. It’s about the effort and how special something is.

If for example Serin’s husband usually ran off every Sunday morning to go and play football but they could afford to spend millions on a holiday home and other things at the drop of a hat, I can see why taking the time to bring a coffee and croissant with the kids to her in bed might be worth more than some designer handbag etc.

OP posts:

Cyberworrier · 02/04/2019 13:45

I grew about the effort in terms of night 1 and night 2 of same trip being used as different gifts is pretty lame (like being one of a pair of shoes for your birthday and the other for Christmas!).
But OP it does seem like your OH may think a weekend in this place is your favourite thing ever which is why you choose to spend a big proportion of holiday time there. You haven’t answered if you have actually discussed changing the status quo regarding holidays etc with your husband?

Thehop · 02/04/2019 14:07

I totally get where you’re coming from OP. My ex husband took me out for a meal one birthday. To his favourite steak restaurant. I’m a vegetarian.

Original poster

Lifeover · 02/04/2019 14:18

Cyber - I’m generally quite happy there but it is part of our routine and there’s nothing special about going there for another weekend. I’ve always tried to get him special one off treats like flying lessons, track days etc for his birthday. as mentioned above I have told him about another couple of places I would like to visit this year. Guess I’ll have to do what others have suggested and book one of these for his birthday😂.

OP posts:

Eliza9917 · 02/04/2019 14:19

I want to know what town it is.

Original poster

Lifeover · 02/04/2019 14:20

Thehop blimey I can see why he’s your ex!

OP posts:

Original poster

Lifeover · 02/04/2019 14:47

Oh and for people asking it’s not really about the town it’s just a great place to base ourselves to explore Gods own county

OP posts:

RabbityMcRabbit · 02/04/2019 15:29

Good God OP have a

StillCoughingandLaughing · 02/04/2019 20:57

Mmm I can see that this thread has predictably become a race to the bottom. Patiently waiting for the dead pink roses from lidal to be trumped by the gratefulness for an out of date single roses chocolate.

This is fast becoming the most overused phrase on MN (and usually not in the right context). If this ‘race to the bottom’ was so predictable, why bother posting?

For the record, I do get why you feel a bit ‘Meh - same old, same old’. But I don’t think that makes it thoughtless. The fact that you’ve already booked another three trips there suggests this is somewhere you like going! He booked a trip he thought you’d enjoy - your ‘pizza when I wanted curry’ analogy doesn’t really work here. Just because you’ve mentioned other places you’d like to visit, it doesn’t make him thoughtless to book somewhere he KNOWS you like to visit.

Why not cancel one of the future trips and go somewhere different? You don’t need to wait for a birthday.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 02/04/2019 21:00

My ex husband took me out for a meal one birthday. To his favourite steak restaurant. I’m a vegetarian.

Now that IS thoughtless. The comparative situation for the OP would be her husband taking her to a restaurant he knows she likes, but that they’ve eaten in a fair few times now, and she was hoping that the odd hint would have made him book somewhere else.

TheBigFatMermaid · 02/04/2019 21:13

I got a bottle of wine and a wine glass (currently not drinking due to kidney problems) an oil burner (I prefer waxes and they cannot be used in an oil burner) a Terry's chocolate orange and a bunch of flowers. I am thankful DP bothered. The flowers are in the vase he bought on our first mothers day together, as a present from my DD, before we had any DC together. Just that memory makes me smile.

I really do think you need to give your head a wobble.

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