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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mothers day - Mum upset about MIL mention on Facebook

39 replies

Sweetcornandmash · 31/03/2019 23:03

I know, sorry, another mothers day thread! Just needed to have a little vent.
Love my mum dearly, but she's driving me mad!
Birthdays/ mothers day/ big events she always demands a Facebook status up saying how wonderful a mum she is etc.
She is a wonderful mum, really kind and helpful with the grandchildren.. I always put something up but usually it gets picked apart that it isn't gushing about her enough!
Today I've put some photos up of her and my mother in law (who is also amazing and like a mum to me) wishing them both a happy mother's day. We got them both cards and presents too but straight away my mum had the grump that I'd dared put a public declaration of happy mothers day to my MIL as she's not my mum and apparently my dad agreed!
Grrr its all so stupid, I was happy with a card and some pictures from my little ones.
Stupid oversold mothers day!

OP posts:
PersonaNonGarter · 31/03/2019 23:04

Block her. Honestly. Are you both 19?

OwlinaTree · 31/03/2019 23:06

That's crazy! Why does she care about others seeing a personal message on Facebook about her?

Merryoldgoat · 31/03/2019 23:14

I’d probably tell her to shut up, but that’s just me...

SandyY2K · 31/03/2019 23:17

The people who want the world to know how great they are...usually aren't that great.

Your mum sounds insecure and childish.

Singlenotsingle · 31/03/2019 23:20

It was very kind and thoughtful of you to acknowledge MIL as well as dm. You did the right thing.

organicmama · 31/03/2019 23:34

I acknowledged my ex MIL today. Not on SM but I think it's the norm when they've been in your life for a long time? Love is infinite. It's not a competition...

Whatdoyouknowwhenyouknownowt · 31/03/2019 23:39

Hard stare, say there'll be nothing in future unless she bucks her ideas up.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 31/03/2019 23:39

I think I'd come off Facebook for that. This is crazy

ReallyReallyNo · 31/03/2019 23:41

As lovely as you say your mum is she sounds like a complete bellend.

MusaMama · 31/03/2019 23:45

AIBU?
So its my first mothers day and all i got was a card! I am feeling dissapointed but pretending all is fine to not ruin the day. I did drop hints about a present n also said to keep within £10 budget. Wud hve been happy with a mum mug or box of chocs even. Just something to show a little recognition and effort. Anyway nevermind. Dh did offer to take me shopping at 7pm once he saw images of sisters mothers day display but i said no as it was more about the thought not a mad rush shop. Rant over n out.

MusaMama · 31/03/2019 23:47

Sorry was meant to create new post. New to mumsnet.

RandomMess · 31/03/2019 23:49

@Sweetcornandmash seriously tell your Mum you won't be bothering on FB anymore! Seems like your Mum is focused on what her friends/family get said about them.

Comparison is the thief of joy!

MoaningMinniee · 31/03/2019 23:51

Don't worry @MusaMama I did much the same when I first joined the merry band of vipers back in 2008.

IHateUncleJamie · 31/03/2019 23:53

That’s crackers. YANBU. All you need to say is “That’s fine; if you don’t like what I put then I won’t put anything next year”.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 01/04/2019 00:03

And this is precisely why I don't have my MIL on my FB friends list, and if my mum was still alive, she wouldn't be on it either.
My Dad is - but he's on a restricted view list, and really only there so I can share photos with him (different continents).
My siblings are blocked for varying reasons.
I do have DNs on, but also restricted view, same reason as my Dad.

PregnantSea · 01/04/2019 00:08

Just say to her that you won't be doing anymore Facebook posts like this because it obviously causes upset.

I'd just delete the thing, personally, but if you don't want to then at least stop with the gushy post requests. Sorry if this sounds rude but is your mum really that lovely? Lovely people don't request gushy Facebook posts

Blondebakingmumma · 01/04/2019 00:09

I don’t think your mum is being reasonable about wanting a gushing FB post. But MIL is not your mum and didn’t raise you so I can see why your mum would be upset about you wishing someone else happy mother’s day. If you wished her happy mother’s day on behalf of your hubby fine

LadyGAgain · 01/04/2019 00:12

Tell her to grow up. It's lovely that you have a positive relationship with your MIL. Awful that your mum feels threatened by it. Is there a back story?

thefinn · 01/04/2019 00:18

For things like this and more serious ones I don't have mum as a fb friend. I think what you did was a beautiful thing, wouldn't put up with being told what to write, by anyone.

empod · 01/04/2019 00:18

Musamama 💐 ❤️

MusaMama · 01/04/2019 00:26
Confused
MusaMama · 01/04/2019 00:26

Thank you

Original poster
Sweetcornandmash · 01/04/2019 00:28

Thanks for replies, Ive just laughed it off and said she's being silly but know she is really annoyed by it.
I think the problem is that she has really crappy parents herself who never showed love openly to her so now it's like she wants us children to gush to the world to show she's a great mum so she's got validation.
I get that MIL didn't raise me etc but she also does a lot for us and we're very close so do see her as another mum. Not taking away from my own mum but love them both.
Next year I'm writing nothing, that'll go down well! Hah!

OP posts:
BloodsportForAll · 01/04/2019 00:32

Tell her here and now (well, not HERE literally) that from this moment there will be no more public displays on facebook, that it's tacky and you would rather tell her in person or through a well written card or phonecall just how much she means to you. And that it'll be the same for everyone, not just her.

She just wants others to see her being lit up by you. It's not about you, it's about people on the internet. And that's not what mothers day or birthdays or Christmas are about.

Acis · 01/04/2019 00:41

For the next big day, tell her that whatever you put on FB is never good enough for her so you're not going to do it any more.

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