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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mistook a boy for a girl

155 replies

justmakemeacuppa · 26/03/2019 20:14

Was in the park with the kids and my youngest was sat at the top of the slide while a kid was sat behind her. So as any parents would encouraged my kid to go down by saying the little girl at the back of you wants to go down the slide.
Kid then turns round and says I’m a boy! Was a bit taken off guard and didn’t really know how to reply other than sorry. This kid had lovely long blond hair tied up in a ponytail and baggy shorts which could have been mistaken for a skirt but it was the hair that made me think he was a girl.
So now I’m wondering have I just come across a gender fluid family? Does SHE want to be a boy are in fact is he a boy that just likes his blond hair ? I’m happy to go along with anyone’s choices in life but surely if he doesn’t want to be mistaken for a girl you’d not have a girls hair cut.? Or maybe mum doesn’t give him a choice as he did have lovely hair? He did seem upset I called him a girl though. Just mentioned it as I keep reading about people bringing their kids up gender neutral and wondering if this is going to become more of a thing letting kids decide their own gender.

OP posts:
RiddleyW · 26/03/2019 20:16

I don’t really follow - sounds like he quite forcefully said he was a boy. That doesn’t sound very gender fluid.

notsosureaboutthatthough · 26/03/2019 20:16

Who cares

notsosureaboutthatthough · 26/03/2019 20:17

I don’t think a boy with long hair is gender fluid. Seen many a man with a ponytail. That is clearly happily a man..

Singlenotsingle · 26/03/2019 20:18

Maybe his mum wanted a girl, and just doesn't want to get his hair cut.

LordNibbler · 26/03/2019 20:19

You answered your own question. He has lovely hair. Who says he has to have it cut just because he's a boy. It's not a new thing, I'm over 50 and have seen many little boys with beautiful long hair over the years.

BolloxtoGender · 26/03/2019 20:19

You mean let children decide what sexist gender stereotype they want to perform/present as?

Barrenfieldoffucks · 26/03/2019 20:19

He was just a boy with long hair 🤷

OKBobble · 26/03/2019 20:21

Maybe he was a boy

BunsOfAnarchy · 26/03/2019 20:21

Wtf OP.
This is a non thread. It's a boy. With long hair. Wow. Big deal.
Stop turning this into something bigger than that.

Namestheyareachangin · 26/03/2019 20:21

Good grief. All this gibbering because you met a boy with long hair. Blimey, if you ever meet a person who is actually non-binary I think your head will explode.

angelikacpickles · 26/03/2019 20:21

I think you have just come across a boy with long hair. It's not exactly unheard of. Maybe just don't assume that all children with long hair are girls!

DogHairEverywhere · 26/03/2019 20:22

When my dc were younger, they had a few boy friends that had long hair. Without exception it was the boys choice to keep their hair long. And, yes, if they were mistaken for a girl, they would quite forcefully say they were a boy. I don't think they particularly liked being mis-gendered, but they did like their hair long, so they obviously felt it was a price worth paying. I suspect, they wished that people didn't make assumptions based on their hair length.

Justmuddlingalong · 26/03/2019 20:22

A gentle suggestion.
You parent your kids and let others parent theirs.

Crunchymum · 26/03/2019 20:22

I don't think you understand gender fluidity / neutrality!!

rainbowlou · 26/03/2019 20:23

My son has long hair and if he is referred to as a girl he always corrects...like a pp said he is just a boy with long hair!

BolloxtoGender · 26/03/2019 20:23

That’s the thing with gender ideology and language though. All these impressive sounding big words and word salads, but it is emperor’s new clothes.

adulthumanwolf · 26/03/2019 20:24

My DP has very long hair, he is very much male. As do a few of our friends male children.

I'd probably assume the family were into metal before anything else.

Bringbackthestripes · 26/03/2019 20:25

He said he was a boy. Just because he has long hair doesn’t mean he’s gender fluid.
DC has a friend who is a boy who has had long hair since primary & now in year 8. Another boy in primary with long hair got mistaken for a girl at the Christmas fare. His mum was not pleased so he wasn’t gender fluid either.
Boys can just have long hair and be boys and girls can just have short hair and be girls.
You are overthinking it.

Oysterbabe · 26/03/2019 20:25

My 3 year old DD gets called a boy often, even though she has very feminine features and long hair. She likes wearing 'boys' clothes and a catboy baseball cap. We don't wish she'd been a boy, she's not gender fluid, we're not trying to make a point. We let her wear what she wants to wear.

Happyspud · 26/03/2019 20:29

He told you he was a boy. You got it wrong. End of non-event. You seem very excited by the possibility of a big discussion on this.

BusySittingDown · 26/03/2019 20:31

When I was at primary school there were two brothers with long hair (they looked like Hanson).

They weren't gender fluid, they were just boys with long hair Confused just like there are girls with short hair.

There's a little boy in my road that has long hair. He wears it in a little man bun and I think he looks so cute.

RaspberryRuffless · 26/03/2019 20:31

My 14 year old son has long hair. When it was longer than it currently is, I’d tie it back in a ponytail to keep it out of his face. Not because I wanted a girl, not because he’s gender fluid and not because I want him to have long hair. He’s got a “girls hair cut” as you put it because he’s autistic and is scared of getting his hair cut. He also has mental health issues where he doesn’t want his hair to be gone and feels bad for cutting it.

MolyHolyGuacamole · 26/03/2019 20:32

Why are you obsessed with knowing what genitals the child has? Because at the end of the day, insistence on needing to know whether or not a child is a boy or girl is exactly that. Not knowing a child's assigned sex doesn't actually have any effect on you in the slightest.

Cherylshaw · 26/03/2019 20:32

Maybe just a boy with long hair...fs

JessicaWakefieldSVH · 26/03/2019 20:33

A gentle suggestion.
You parent your kids and let others parent theirs

Seconded. This is literally not a thing, not anything to be discussed.