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AIBU?

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Original poster

Mistook a boy for a girl

155 replies

justmakemeacuppa · 26/03/2019 20:14

Was in the park with the kids and my youngest was sat at the top of the slide while a kid was sat behind her. So as any parents would encouraged my kid to go down by saying the little girl at the back of you wants to go down the slide.
Kid then turns round and says I’m a boy! Was a bit taken off guard and didn’t really know how to reply other than sorry. This kid had lovely long blond hair tied up in a ponytail and baggy shorts which could have been mistaken for a skirt but it was the hair that made me think he was a girl.
So now I’m wondering have I just come across a gender fluid family? Does SHE want to be a boy are in fact is he a boy that just likes his blond hair ? I’m happy to go along with anyone’s choices in life but surely if he doesn’t want to be mistaken for a girl you’d not have a girls hair cut.? Or maybe mum doesn’t give him a choice as he did have lovely hair? He did seem upset I called him a girl though. Just mentioned it as I keep reading about people bringing their kids up gender neutral and wondering if this is going to become more of a thing letting kids decide their own gender.

OP posts:
SocksInPeril · 26/03/2019 20:34

Havs you literally never seen a boy or grown man with long hair before this? Where in the world do you live? Confused

SimonJT · 26/03/2019 20:34

My son has long hair, he isn’t gender fluid, he just likes his hair, if it’s windy I put it in a ponytail so it isn’t all in his face.

fitzbilly · 26/03/2019 20:36

Gosh. I'd was just a boy with long hair. Have you really not come across that before? Hardly gender fluid.

Hate to think what you'd make of my ds. He likes to wear hair clips, and pink. Lots and lots of pink. It's his favourite colour. He's a boy.

We're not a gender fluid family, whatever that means, we just don't force our children to confirm to gender stereotypes. They can wear what they like.

S1naidSucks · 26/03/2019 20:37

Not knowing a child's assigned

Oh stop that assigned sex, bullshite. Sex is identified, not assigned. If I decide to call my daughter my son, it doesn’t make her change sex. I can, however recognise her sex as female.

blueskiesovertheforest · 26/03/2019 20:39

justmakemeacuppa your thought process pretty much sums up the utterly ridiculous gender stereotyping which has led to the new trans children boom. Thinking the way you do is the reason there is s problem.

Boys can have long hair or short hair or no hair or mid length hair. As can girls. Hair is not a sex organ.

Girls and boys can wear an clothes or play with any toys, watch any TV programmes etc etc because clothes, toys and TV programmes are not primary, nor even secondary, sexual characteristics.

What you saw was a boy with long hair. Gasp.

Weirdly 20 years ago ultra conservative thinkers would only have muttered about hippies, but now they're so conservative they've become robotic "log hair = some category of not-a-boy"

NewSchoolNewName · 26/03/2019 20:39

I think that you’re overthinking this.
I’ve known a few families with long haired boys.

And back when I was a teenager it wasn’t that unusual to see teenage boys and young men into the goth scene with long hair.

Almost all the long haired boys I’ve met have been firmly of the opinion that they were boys.

Tunnocks34 · 26/03/2019 20:40

Think you’re making an issue of a non issue to be honest.

My eldest had shoulder length hair until he was three because he was so hyper all the time, I couldn’t bare the thought of attempting to get him to sit in a barbers chair for a cut. He would have corrected you if he’d have been called a boy, but we’re not a ‘gender fluid’ family.

Tunnocks34 · 26/03/2019 20:41

If he’s have been called a girl*

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 26/03/2019 20:42

I'm always mistaking boys for girls around here - long golden curls and leggings, Afro bunches and yellow dungarees, you name it. They look like girls to me. Luckily nobody has been offended, and so far I've never got it wrong the other way round, which probably would upset someone.

kaytee87 · 26/03/2019 20:42

You've seriously never met a boy or man with long hair before?
Nah, this is a wind up.

Bowserlovesmojitos · 26/03/2019 20:44

Please explain when a haircut goes from one gender to another. I’m very interested to know how you determine a girls haircut from a boys.

Having long hair isn’t solely the remit of those with a vagina.

Sounds like a little boy with long hair who corrected you when you made the wrong assumption. Nothing more to it.

LifeIsToughMate · 26/03/2019 20:44

I’ve seen many boys with long hair it’s not really an issue. Just lovely hair the mum doesn’t want to cut or the boy insists the keep.

It’s not ur fault u got it wrong many people mistake my boy for a girl because of his features which are “pretty” lol. I am not sure how I feel about that. But yeh he is only tiny so I’m hoping this will stop as he grows

Googel · 26/03/2019 20:45

First response sums it up really..
Seems a non-issue to me really. We have all done it. I got in a taxi the other day and thought driver was a man at first glance til she spoke to me. But it really makes no difference to be honest. She drove me where I needed to be, I paid her, and then got on with my day....

NellieEllie · 26/03/2019 20:45

Boy with long hair. Fine. Girl with short hair. Fine. Off for some chocolate now.

blueskiesovertheforest · 26/03/2019 20:45

When I was at university in the depths of the distant past pretty much all the 18-25 year old men/ boys had long hair. The ones I knew were definitely not "gender fluid". Looking back, perhaps it was compulsory. I don't think I had a boyfriend with short hair til I met DH actually Shock I've only just realised that...

Iputthescrewinthetuna · 26/03/2019 20:46

I know a boy, beautiful long blonde hair! I would have killed for hair like that when I was younger!
Poor lad was always having to tell people he was a boy!
Was he gender fluid? No! Did he get annoyed being constantly mistaken for a girl? A little!
Ehh did he have long hair then?
3 months ago he had it all cut of and donated it to make wigs for children with cancer.

Why do you need to question it! YOU made a mistaken. Move on, it is no issue, just be careful in future.

Teateaandmoretea · 26/03/2019 20:47

Hair has no relevance to whether someone is a boy or a girl. Shock horror I have a girl with short hair, she wanted it done and is copying adult women she knows with short hair. Its just hair Grin

EluphNaugeMeop · 26/03/2019 20:48

Nothing wrong with a boy having long hair. Suggesting that he ought not have a "girls" hairstyle if he doesn't want to be mistaken for a girl is just entrenching outdated stereotypes. Why not avoid labelling and say "the kid" or "the child" instead of needing to categorise?

SarahAndQuack · 26/03/2019 20:49

I am gobsmacked you've never mistaken a child's gender before. Does it not happen all the time?

Pre-puberty, you can't tell. Really, you can't.

My DD is constantly mistaken for a boy. She sometimes wears flowery dresses and pink tights and she sometimes wears trousers and check shirts. She loves to tell me she is 'looking like mummy' when she's wearing the trousers and shirts - because that's how my partner dresses.

I would imagine most little boys with long hair either like it, or couldn't give a flying fuck. Otherwise, their parents would probably cut it, no?

And who knows, maybe this little boy has long hair because he wants to look like daddy who has long hair too?

Last I heard long hair doesn't erode the penis until at least age 13.

goldengummybear · 26/03/2019 20:50

The child was a boy with long hair. Your mistake is no different than calling someone's cousin their friend. It's just a mistake.

BettyBigBollocks · 26/03/2019 20:50

Sorry, what? You mistook a little boy for a little girl, he corrected you, end of story. How have you made this into anything about gender fluid families?

My little boy was also mistaken for a girl last weekend in the park, he is very “pretty”, has shaggy hair and was wearing red dungarees (so unisex). Now I’m wondering if that man has gone home wondering if my one year old is gender fluid. 🙄

Puffykins · 26/03/2019 20:50

My son has long hair. So do a couple of his (Male) friends. They're all 8. They don't mind being mistaken for girls - and realise that it can happen because of their hair - but they are very definitely boys and will correct anyone who gets it wrong. But they'd rather have long hair and have people occasionally think they're girls than cut their hair. It's got nothing to do with gender fluidity, and everything to do with Greek Gods and heroes....

FedUpParent · 26/03/2019 20:51

My 3 yo DS has long blonde curly hair which he mostly wears in a man-boy-bun

YABU. Many very masculine figures have long hair. He’s clearly a boy who identifies as a boy

Short hair does not equal boy

It’s shocking that people would ever think that. Like I can’t believe this is a serious post! Confused

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 26/03/2019 20:52

My friends son looks like Rapunzel he has gorgeous hair,and is a right wee boy too

CaptainKirksSpookyghost · 26/03/2019 20:52

Long hair doesn't now, or has it ever changed your chromosomes.