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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want more?

44 replies

Armadilloboss · 26/03/2019 14:57

Ok, so husband and I have decided to divorce after two years of marriage. We’ve had a horrendous 2 years which includes losing our baby boy to Edwards syndrome and we have both grieved in completely different ways. He has decided he no longer wants children, I am desperate to have another baby and have suffered from PTSD. this is ultimately what has led to our split.
Background info, we bought our house 5 years ago. It was our first home and so had to furnish it from scratch. I was gifted 5k from an aunt which I spent furnishing the house, aswell as my other aunt buying us our sofa. We have spent 5 years getting the house how we want, including tiling the floor etc.
Fast forward to now. He is going to buy me out the house. I am going to live with family until I have enough money for a deposit on a new home.
He has a much better job than me, however I want to be as reasonable as possible and so have only asked for what I have put into the house and half the equity (not interested in his pensions/ savings etc)
The house was valued with 20k equity. I have asked for 15k, which will be half the equity and half the value of contents.
He has said I am being totally unreasonable, and has just messaged to say he can give me between 8-10k.
Am I being unreasonable to want more considering I am going to have to buy a new place to live and furnish/decorate it from scratch?

OP posts:
Vitalogy · 26/03/2019 15:03

Sorry for your loss.

Could you go with 10k from him and split the actual furniture?

adulthumanwolf · 26/03/2019 15:04

Why does he think he should get more than half?

Original poster
Armadilloboss · 26/03/2019 15:06

Vitality, I wouldn’t be able to take any of the furniture as I’m literally going to be staying in a bedroom at my grandparents house until I can find somewhere else to live, and God knows how long it will take if I don’t have adequate money for a deposit

OP posts:
Hiphopopotamous · 26/03/2019 15:06

Why don't you want half the savings and pension?

Original poster
Armadilloboss · 26/03/2019 15:08

Adulthumanwolf, he just keeps saying that that’s all he can afford to give me. So, what I want/ what I am entitled to is not doable for him

OP posts:
GiveMeFiveMinutes · 26/03/2019 15:10

If what you are entitled to is not doable for him, then perhaps you should put the house on the market and sell the furniture.

GiveMeFiveMinutes · 26/03/2019 15:10

I am very sorry for your loss Thanks

Expressedways · 26/03/2019 15:13

Why aren’t you interested in his savings? He’s trying to take part of your share of the house and keep all the furniture, he’s the one being unreasonable. If he can’t afford to give you more then he can’t afford to buy you out of the house. It might be better to sell the house and the furniture and split everything 50:50.
And I’m sorry for your loss Flowers

Original poster
Armadilloboss · 26/03/2019 15:16

He says he can’t sell the house as he is not in a position to stay with family etc. He has just msgd to say he thinks it’s fair, because he can’t give me what he doesn’t have, so I need to accept it.

OP posts:
Chocmallows · 26/03/2019 15:16

Sorry for your loss Flowers

Please speak to a solicitor, if only for a free initial talk.

You do not want to take his pension, but you may be entitled to more if you were out of work for childcare and he stayed in. This may not seem clear or fair to him now, but you could be financially disadvantaged for years, whilst he has been able to keep a high wage.

DameFanny · 26/03/2019 15:17

I'm so sorry for your loss Flowers

With regard to the house, please don't let him screw you over - you're entitled to half the equity, half the value of the contents you're leaving, half the savings, some of his pension - you lost earnings carrying his baby, to be blunt.

If he can't afford to buy you out then, as another poster said, you sell the house and split it.

Again, I'm so sorry

Doyoumind · 26/03/2019 15:17

You should think carefully before deciding you don't want to look at his savings and pension. Have you spoken to a solicitor at all?

GiveMeFiveMinutes · 26/03/2019 15:19

Don't worry about him not being able to stay with family, he will be able to rent somewhere with his share of the equity if the house is sold.

If he can't afford to buy you out, then selling the house is the only option.

Expressedways · 26/03/2019 15:20

Where he goes after the house is sold is not your concern. He’s the higher earner so I’m sure he’ll figure something out. Please go and see a solicitor and don’t let him take advantage of you.

PolarBearDisguisedAsAPenguin · 26/03/2019 15:20

As you can’t agree a solution, I think you’ll need to see a solicitor. There is no reason he can’t live in the house until it is sold.

Wallsbangers · 26/03/2019 15:25

Please speak to a solicitor and get what is fair for you, not him. Where he lives afterwards is not your problem.

GoldenHour · 26/03/2019 15:25

That seems a small amount of equity for 5 years, where did the deposit come from? Who paid the mortgage? How much is in the savings? Have you been working too?

MereDintofPandiculation · 26/03/2019 15:26

You may be feeling your want to be reasonable and bend over backwards to be fair to him, but 10 years down the line you won't feel like this. What you are suggesting is more than fair, see a solicitor so you have someone to protect you from giving too much.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 26/03/2019 15:30

Why don't you want half the savings and pension?

She woudlnt get that from 2 years of marriage

mondaylisasmile · 26/03/2019 15:31

OP, i'm sorry for your loss, but you're not thinking long term here.

you need to speak to a solicitor and get an objective assessment/judgement on what is "fair".

it doesn't have to move the divorce into being confrontational, simply see it as someone who can ensure you are getting your fair share objectively assessed and secured legally... if he's not supporting you on that, it's indicative that you really need to look out for your own interests here, especially since he's the higher earner.

please step back and think of the long term picture here - you've already asked for less than you're legally entitled to (caveat - based on the little information you've posted), and he's trying to push back on that? this is a massive red flag that you need someone to advocate for you at this time, and having an experienced solicitor to deal with it on your behalf would be a worthwhile investment.

take care of yourself.

Original poster
Armadilloboss · 26/03/2019 15:34

Goldenhour. We used the governments help to buy scheme, she had to pay 20% of the house value back to them before taking any equity out of it.

OP posts:
whataremyoption · 26/03/2019 15:35

If he can't stay with family, he can rent somewhere. It's one thing for you to be nice and reasonable by not going after his other finances. It's quite another to allow him to take your equity!

FriarTuck · 26/03/2019 15:37

£10k plus 1/2 the furniture and put it into storage - wouldn't cost that much and you'd have it ready for the future.

pootyisabadcat · 26/03/2019 15:40

Nope. Fuck his offer. See a solicitor. He doesn't get to keep more than half. £10K plus the furniture. Please don't sell yourself short when it comes to finances in a divorce. I did this to 'be amicable'. BIG mistake! Cost me thousands. Be fair.

RSAcre · 26/03/2019 15:41

He says he can’t sell the house as he is not in a position to stay with family etc

Bullshit. He just doesn't want to sell up. Tough nuts. You were married, now you are divorcing. You each get half. (Half of EVERYTHING, no need to wimp out on that.)

If he doesn't have the half to give you right now, or cannot borrow it, he will need to sell up to ensure you each receive your 50%. It not nice, it's not comfortable, but that's how it is & he needs to behave like an adult & recognise that YOIR half is as important as HIS half.