Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

AIBU?

AIBU - Morning Phone call

214 replies

MrsNacho · 22/03/2019 10:34

My DP works away. In the morning he gets up in his hotel, has a shower, throws on his work gear and then rings me.

It drives me mad!!

In the morning I get up, sort out the wet washing in the machine, have a shower, start calling the kids, dry my hair, call the kids some more, cajole the youngest into getting dressed, clean my teeth, feed the animals, lose my temper at the teen, finally get him up, supervise his medication and carb count his breakfast, do my face, remind everyone to get everything several times, referee the endless bickering...

so basically a good morning chat is the very last thing that I need. Then I am driving, dropping two kids at breakfast club, the teen near his school and getting to work hopefully on time. I am a new driver so even if I remembered to ring him on hands free before we left, I don't want the distraction.

We have spoken about this before and he says well I just wanted to hear your voice.

Today he rang and I was a bit short with him and I think he is offended.

So AIBU to tell him not to call me in the morning?

OP posts:

Report

Myheartbelongsto · 22/03/2019 10:36

can he ring you for ten mins before you have to get up?

TheYoungOffendersMum · 22/03/2019 10:38

He should try to coincide a break with your break for this. It's lovely he wants to hear your voice, that's really lovely, but he's not witness to the chaos you're dealing with alone every Morning.

MrsNacho · 22/03/2019 10:40

Well he could but I would be missing out on 10 mins sleep then. I already get up early as it is. He emails me throughout the working day and I ring him when I finish work at 2.30, then we speak throughout the evening on social media and a face time before bed.

I just think its unnecessary.

OP posts:

MrsNacho · 22/03/2019 10:42

Oh so as not to drip feed he is back every weekend. That may or may not be relevant? don't want to be a drip feeder!

OP posts:

Alsbals · 22/03/2019 10:43

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable.

My DP does the same thing every night on his way home from work - I work full time too but am usually in around an hour before he. He knows when I get in I’m really busy cleaning, putting on washings, sorting dinner and dealing with the kids - it honestly drives me mental (the phone call, that is)

I spoke to him about it too but he continued to do it so now I either get one of the kids to answer and say mums busy or ignore it.

MsVestibule · 22/03/2019 10:46

Good grief, when DH goes away for a couple of day's, we might exchange a text message and maybe a short call in the evening! Whilst it's very sweet, his 'need' to hear your voice does not top trump your need to get out of the house in time.

TwoRoundabouts · 22/03/2019 10:47

YABU

Tell him to phone you at lunchtime and in the evening before you both go to sleep. And give him the times.

I've worked away and that's what I've done because I realised my partner is either at work, coming home from work or sorting out kids so randomly phoning is just selfishness on my part. If I want to phone him in-between I message him and wait to see if he's available.

TwoRoundabouts · 22/03/2019 10:48

Sorry I mean YANBU

Trills · 22/03/2019 10:50

It's up to the two of you to discuss and compromise on what you think is the "right amount" of contact while he's away.

For what it's worth I'd think that one call a day would be plenty for me.

Creamwhite · 22/03/2019 10:50

YANBU to not want to talk in the morning but don't be angry at him, his intentions are good. Just explain it and sort another time you can chat X

MrsNacho · 22/03/2019 10:51

I was starting to think I am just being a grumpy old woman. (33) I just think he is inconsiderate and then I feel like the bad guy because he was being sweet and I don't appreciate it.

OP posts:

CabbageHippy · 22/03/2019 10:53

I think your being unreasonable - imo it's really lovely that your the first thing he thinks of when he wakes up

DH & I always ring each other when we leave work just to say i'm on my way home are you home already, what time will you be home etc Habit really I guess

Shoxfordian · 22/03/2019 10:54

Don't answer if it's not convenient

AnOwlCalledPlop · 22/03/2019 10:57

Can you not just...talk to him about this? This does not seem difficult to me.

“DH, please don’t call me in the morning because ”

“I just like to hear your voice etc”

“Be that as it may....”

Failing which, just switch off your phone.

BarbaraofSevillle · 22/03/2019 10:58

Put him on speakerphone or get an Alexa thing and let him join in with the morning routine. Maybe he can get the teen out of bed while you do everything else?

I would probably chat on handsfree while in the car after dropping the DCs off but YANBU if you're not comfortable with doing that.

notacooldad · 22/03/2019 10:58

YADNBU!
Your mornings sound frantic and if I was doing that and ha did to take a call every morning the novelty would soon wear off and it would feel like something else on my to do list. There wouldn't be enjoyment in the call if I had my eye on other tasks.

BarbaraofSevillle · 22/03/2019 10:59

But YANBU to 'not hear the phone' when he rings in the morning.

AdvancedAvoider · 22/03/2019 10:59

My dh used to do that. I told him straight that the times he was calling at were just inconvenient. He'd imagined there was something wrong because I was terse but understood completely when I to,d him it was just his crap timing.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 22/03/2019 11:01

Tough one this. Sometimes you do have to put up with well meaning but pita behaviour for the good of your relationship. It's nice that he wants to speak to you and certainly better than having a husband who isn't bothered. OTOH, he ought to be considerate of your needs too and call you when you are free to speak to him.

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 22/03/2019 11:02

He wants to talk to you in the morning and you don’t. I don’t think either of you is being unreasonable but I would say, that if I had to stay in a hotel every week night I’d be miserable if dh didn’t want to talk to me every morning.
If he was at home would you make time to talk/hug/have a coffee together?

Thegoodthere · 22/03/2019 11:03

He knows it's inconvenient but insists on doing it anyway. Don't answer, then call him back when it's convenient for you. If he says it's inconvenient, say "oh, I just wanted to hear your voice!"

MrsNacho · 22/03/2019 11:04

@AnOwlCalledPlop, I have spoken to him about it, I have explained that mornings are busy. He just doesn't get it. Probably because when he stays over at the weekend the youngest springs out of bed at 7am without a care in the world. The teen sleeps gets up and does his medication without question because he can go straight back to bed.. its more relaxed so he doesn't see the busy, time critical morning.

OP posts:

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Readytogogogo · 22/03/2019 11:04

YANBU at all. It sounds like he has no clue how busy your mornings are. It isn't at all living to make your life more difficult. He should discuss with you about when it would be convenient to chat.

AnOwlCalledPlop · 22/03/2019 11:04

It’s really not tough at all. Mornings with kids are a fucking riot. Frankly lol at the idea of making the time to have a hug or a coffee with my DH of a morning.

Readytogogogo · 22/03/2019 11:05

Meant to say loving!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.