AIBU - Morning Phone call

[MrsNacho]

My DP works away. In the morning he gets up in his hotel, has a shower, throws on his work gear and then rings me.

It drives me mad!!

In the morning I get up, sort out the wet washing in the machine, have a shower, start calling the kids, dry my hair, call the kids some more, cajole the youngest into getting dressed, clean my teeth, feed the animals, lose my temper at the teen, finally get him up, supervise his medication and carb count his breakfast, do my face, remind everyone to get everything several times, referee the endless bickering...

so basically a good morning chat is the very last thing that I need. Then I am driving, dropping two kids at breakfast club, the teen near his school and getting to work hopefully on time. I am a new driver so even if I remembered to ring him on hands free before we left, I don't want the distraction.

We have spoken about this before and he says well I just wanted to hear your voice.

Today he rang and I was a bit short with him and I think he is offended.

So AIBU to tell him not to call me in the morning?

[StarJumpsandaHalf]

A good partner demonstrates empathy.

Imagine this post had been written by a man whose partner messaged and called while they were up to their neck in plumbing, directing air traffic control, driving a taxi, supervising a playground, name whatever you like. The family morning routine and then the OP's work obligations are no less.

If you love him and want to stay with him then you have to keep on reinforcing that you can only speak and message when it's convenient. It's up to him to change, not you OP.

[chocatoo]

I admire your attitude :-)

[babysharkah]

I just wouldn't answer the phone. What on earth do you talk about? Mundane shite while you need to be getting on with something else?

[Orangecookie]

I have a friend whose partner sends her an essay every single lunch time by text. I mean, an essay!

All full of his love for her.

If I didn’t know them I’d be worried he was way too intense. He’s very geeky, very shy, and just loves her.

She never reads them. Ever! But it’s just the way he is.

Maybe he could send texts?!

[americandream]

Not gonna lie, if I had a man like this, constantly phoning, texting, and emailing me, telling me how much he loves me, how wonderful and beautiful I am, and generally lovebombing me, I would go mad. Couldn't be with a man like that.

I used to know a woman who had a man who held her hand all the time, even when she was eating, and told her how cute she looks when she eats, and kept stroking her face and her hair, and said she was so cute when she started to talk about politics and serious stuff.

SHUDDER

[labazsisgoingmad]

how miserable all these doting husbands and partners ringing to speak to their loved ones and all people do is moan about it. when mine is away lucky if we can call each other most areas around here have no signal i think its lovely to have such devoted ohs

[americandream]

how miserable all these doting husbands and partners ringing to speak to their loved ones and all people do is moan about it. when mine is away lucky if we can call each other most areas around here have no signal i think its lovely to have such devoted ohs

There's always one isn't there? ^

[motortroll]

My dh does this but at 6pm but similarly a hectic time. I just tell him to fuck off and phone at a decent time! If he phoned in the morning I wouldn't even pick up tbh!!

It sounds like you communicate loads anyway! I'm sure he can wait!

[AdvancedAvoider]

how miserable all these doting husbands and partners ringing to speak to their loved ones and all people do is moan about it. when mine is away lucky if we can call each other most areas around here have no signal i think its lovely to have such devoted ohs

Seriously? You really can't see what the issue is?

It's about boundaries and respect for the person you purport to love.

[MrsNacho]

It's not that I dont want to speak to him, we speak loads throughout the day and evening. Is just that mornings are a difficult time. I appreciate he is "devoted" but it's easy for him with just himself to shower and dress.

[AdvancedAvoider]

MrsNacho I don't see that as devoted. I see it as keeping tabs on you and controlling as well.

If it were me, and I said way up thread I told my dh to stop calling for a chat, I just wouldn't tolerate it. Even when my dh goes away on business or away with pals we don't talk on the phone very often. Maybe a quick txt if there's exciting news.

[Trills]

how miserable all these doting husbands and partners]

How miserable to have got to adulthood unable to understand that different people like different things.

[birdsdestiny]

I don't think it's devoted at all. The exact opposite in fact.

[poglets]

Just don't answer every call. Let some go and say you were in the shower/doing laundry/school run. Be less available

[DuckbilledSplatterPuff]

Sorry OP I'd be absolutely delighted if my DH called me like that. Sigh. But I understand in away its just another one of the crew baying for your attention when you don't have much to spare in the morning rush.

Anyhoo.. can't you be the one to call when its more convenient?
Or just to be funny. Get the ipad and put him on skype so he can view all the chaos and maybe the kids can take turns to keep him occupied?

[notacooldad]

Sorry OP I'd be absolutely delighted if my DH called me like that
Would you also be happy if you're Dp kept doing something you asked him not to do and disregarded your wishes.duckbilled it doesn't matter if it is about a phone call or anything else, the fact is he he is repeatedly ignoring OPs wishes, and making mornings difficult for her.
That shows a lack of respect

[DuckbilledSplatterPuff]

Did you read the second sentence NotacooDad... why so angry?

[notacooldad]

I did indeed read your second sentence. However your first one is irrevelvant to the OP especially with the sigh comment put in. The OP is being ignored and he is insisting his wants are top trumping her needs
I am not exactly angry but it just seems to add to the comments about the Op is the problem because women would like phone calls from their partners regardless what else is going on and even though it is inconvenient.

Going back to your second sentence, your suggestions had already been put forward and the OP has already spoken to her boyfriend about communicating at other times.

[DuckbilledSplatterPuff]

Ha Ha The sign is MINE because I'd love Dh to ring when he's away. NOT sighing at the OP at all. Never suggested that the OP was the problem.. I thought her other half was just really slow picking up on what she was saying to him.. so the skype suggestion was so he could see how unfeasible it was. But you've told me off good and proper now so I'll bow out. As its Friday, I'm off to have a nice glass of wine.

[DuckbilledSplatterPuff]

sigh not sign.

[brownjumper]

You realise you have a choice whether or not to answer the phone?!! Just don't answer if it's not convenient. My dh does this too, he always picks an annoying time and I just don't answer.
NOBODY DIES!!

[notacooldad]

duckbilled'
I'm sorry , it wasn't a telling off! Just a difference of opinion.
Enjoy your wine and have a good evening. I'm about to have a drink as well!

[Spiritinabody]

When my DH has been away for work he telephones me in the evening. I wouldn't want to be contacted each morning if I'm busy, neither would I would email or phone during his working hours.

I wouldn't be happy at him ignoring my requests not to phone either. Sounds way too needy for my liking.

[LannieDuck]

I would be very annoyed if he kept calling me at a time I'd told him was inconvenient. It's not soppy or romantic, it's selfish.

With 3 kids, you need someone who makes your life easier and who you look forward to seeing, not someone who adds extra work for you and who's calls you don't look forward to...

[Nanny0gg]

Yes YABU. Do you know how many women would love to have your problem?

Oh for god's sake!