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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think dh is being an unnecessary dick?

45 replies

Chancewouldbeafinethlng · 15/03/2019 14:32

I’ve decided to get health tested for something that may or may not run in my family. One of my parents suffered with the health problem unusually early in life and my other parent died from it. A close family member decided to do the testing first which has spurred me on to get checked.

Dh has been such a knob about it though. Almost mocking me for being concerned I could have this health problem as I am showing no symptoms of it. I pointed out that people often don’t show any, neither of my parents did but I would feel better for getting checked.
Today I went for the first step in it and told him so, he laughed and said “I hope you know I’ll have a big I told you so when it turns out there’s nothing wrong with you!”

AIBU to punch him on the nose?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 15/03/2019 14:34

Is he always such an unsupportive bellend?

sirmione16 · 15/03/2019 14:39

YANBU

A lot of genetic conditions can be carried but not show or affect you. You may be a carrier of the gene and therefore risk of passing it on to your children, therefore it's not unreasonable to want to know if you have it or not despite not having the condition.

drivingmisspotty · 15/03/2019 14:39

That does sound dickish.

But any chance he is scared you have the condition and in denial about it/trying to be cheery?

Original poster
Chancewouldbeafinethlng · 15/03/2019 14:39

No, that’s the thing. He’s usually very good but can’t help himself being so sure about himself with this

OP posts:
Divgirl2 · 15/03/2019 14:39

He sounds like a total dick.

NoCauseRebel · 15/03/2019 14:41

Could it be that he doesn’t want to know?

Is it going to impact on him and your family if you have the condition I.e. if it’s e.g.something like Huntington’s there are huge implications for your futures, and being tested positive could also mean that your children have the condition or that any future children could, and it could impact on your decision to want children if you don’t already have any and that in turn could impact on your marriage.

In a snapshot it does sound as if he’s being an arse but actually it’s not that black and white.

I was diagnosed with a genetic condition 2.5 years ago. It’s not a regressive condition but in my case finding out has been life-limiting and it has led to other conditions. And the fact I have the condition means that I may have passed it on to my DC. It may never affect them even if they have it, but they do want to know so will be having testing in their own right when they’re old enough.

However, had I known about the condition and the potential impact before I’d had children I wouldn’t have had children, because given how I’ve been impacted I wouldn’t want to pass that to my worst enemy. So if I’d known I wouldn’t have wanted children and that could have had an impact on my marriage earlier etc etc if my ex had decided that he did want children and I didn’t. Iyswim.

This is something you need to talk about more deeply IMO

Crunchymum · 15/03/2019 14:43

Obviously I don't know the condition but if both your parents have had it then you are surely high risk???

NoCauseRebel · 15/03/2019 14:43

Also, if you don’t yet have children and it’s a serious condition he may not want to have it passed to any future children. And that’s not wrong either.

Loopytiles · 15/03/2019 14:47

His behaviour is shit. Nasty to belittle your understandable desire to understand potential risks to your health. Have you told him it’s pissed you off/upset you?

Bluntness100 · 15/03/2019 14:50

I'd assume it is worrying him, and that is why he is behaving as he is, minimising it and joking about it. I can do similar if worried and not wishing to show it.

recrudescence · 15/03/2019 14:50

Could it be a sort of misplaced ‘humour’ intended to make you feel less anxious about the possibility of having this condition?

Alternatively, he’s being a dick.

Parly · 15/03/2019 14:52

He sounds an absolute cock-end.

TheViceOfReason · 15/03/2019 14:52

An icy "thank so much for your concern and support Dave" followed by ignoring him would be might answer!

What a twat.

Paperdove87 · 15/03/2019 14:53

This is definitely the sort of response I give when worried about something, while being fully aware I'm being a massive dick. I also display worry using misplaced anger, so I'm really easy to live with! Grin

Sounds to me like he's responding with humour so he doesn't actually have to think about the situation.

TheViceOfReason · 15/03/2019 14:54

might answer? My answer.

ShakeYourTailFeathers · 15/03/2019 14:54

Yes, my first thought was that he's scared of the results and 'covering up' with bravado.

MashedSpud · 15/03/2019 14:54

Either it’s his way of trying to make you not worry or he’s an unsupportive dick.

OffToBedhampton · 15/03/2019 14:56

YANBU to want to punch him on the nose! (But don't!)
He is being spectacularly unsupportive at a time you must be worried to seek those tests. It's not about him and his 'told you so' (as he's such an 'expert' in this condition that you've seen in your loved ones struggle with) can go take a hike.

FizzyGreenWater · 15/03/2019 14:56

He doesn't want you to find out and is worried.

'No, I'm telling you right now that you absolutely will not be giving me a big told you so, not if you want me to be speaking to you this side of Christmas. I'll say this once - you've been an absolute dickhead in your response to this and I've found it pretty upsetting to be honest. You're usually not like this at all and so it's clear as a bell that your attitude is because it's bothering you and you'd rather not know if I have it, fine, I wish you had had the maturity to just say that and let us not talk about it. Total husband fail when I've needed you, noted. Let's not talk about this ANY MORE.'

Tinty · 15/03/2019 14:56

Well if it is Cancer of the Penis or Testicles and you are a Woman then maybe he has a point.

Otherwise he is just being a bit stupid, (is he frightened that you could get it and that is why he is acting like an idiot).

kingfisherblue33 · 15/03/2019 14:57

If he's not usually a complete twat, it sounds like he's trying to deflect worry/more serious emotions using 'humour'. And coming off like an unfeeling twit in the process. He's probably worried about you, op, and trying not to show it.

I hope the results are clear, OP.

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 15/03/2019 14:59

He sounds scared to me. But definitely his attitude is annoying for you

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 15/03/2019 15:01

He’s usually very good

Really? He sounds like a dick.

Alsohuman · 15/03/2019 15:02

My vote is he’s worried too. I would be if I were him.

AJPTaylor · 15/03/2019 15:04

Is he scared?.