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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think dh is being an unnecessary dick?

45 replies

Chancewouldbeafinethlng · 15/03/2019 14:32

I’ve decided to get health tested for something that may or may not run in my family. One of my parents suffered with the health problem unusually early in life and my other parent died from it. A close family member decided to do the testing first which has spurred me on to get checked.

Dh has been such a knob about it though. Almost mocking me for being concerned I could have this health problem as I am showing no symptoms of it. I pointed out that people often don’t show any, neither of my parents did but I would feel better for getting checked.
Today I went for the first step in it and told him so, he laughed and said “I hope you know I’ll have a big I told you so when it turns out there’s nothing wrong with you!”

AIBU to punch him on the nose?

OP posts:

Easterbunnyiscomingsoon · 15/03/2019 15:05

Tell him he has fully blown Twatism.
Curable by divorce.

ravenmum · 15/03/2019 15:09

My exh did this. Sounds like the same condition, where some people die very young doing sports? Exh wasn't even worried, just reckoned I was exaggerating. Yep, dick.

LagunaBubbles · 15/03/2019 15:09

Are you sure he's not really anxious about you having this condition (and it sounds serious if you can die from it) and this is a defence?

anniehm · 15/03/2019 15:12

He's attitude stinks but do consider that once you have an answer, if it's positive you could find it impossible to get life assurance thus a mortgage, travel insurance would be subject to pre existing condition rules and even employment may need to be told if you change job depending on whether they ask the question "do you have a health condition?"

See a counsellor first to work through the pluses and minuses - it's not straight forward. Also consider, if you carry the gene is early warning of any use treatment wise? if not then is it worth the negatives.

Several members of my family have died of the same kind of cancer, I'm obviously high risk but apart from standard screening I'm just planning on enjoying my life, and if it gets me (most have been early to mid 60's) I won't have regrets about what I haven't done.

BlingLoving · 15/03/2019 15:18

He sounds ignorant to me, with no understanding of how genetic conditions are passed down. Hell, Angelina Jolie had a full mastectomy because of her high chance of getting breast cancer!!!

femidom12 · 15/03/2019 15:29

arrogant/dick/twat/cockend
Are you happy with your husband being branded in this way by the mumsnet jury op......

Original poster

Chancewouldbeafinethlng · 15/03/2019 15:30

I don’t think he’s scared, I get the feeling he just thinks he knows best in this situation.
I don’t know though, maybe he is. If you have got it then they can’t do much, just kind of hope you don’t die so it is a bit scary.

I’m just not going to tell him any more about it. Can’t be done with his mocking attitude.

OP posts:

bethy15 · 15/03/2019 15:31

He's absolutely awful and extremely ignorant.

This must be a highly emotional time for you, you would clearly need support when taking these first steps and instead he's treating you with derision.

What an appalling person.

spanishwife · 15/03/2019 15:32

Sounds like he is absolutely terrified and doesn't want to deal with the potential reality of you dying before your time, or being very ill. He doesn't know how to deal with it, so is trying to put you off finding out so you can both carry on pretending it's not a threat.

That's no excuse though. I'd be livid and I wouldn't forgive it easily. He should be right there with you, supporting you and calming your nerves, not worried about his.

Women put up with this shit too often and are clever enough to work out what's going on under the surface before the idiot husbands do.

EKGEMS · 15/03/2019 15:32

My husband thought I was unreasonable when I told the geneticist I would definitely have at least one abnormality in my dna profile and sure enough I had two genetic mutations-very rare which caused a sensation in the genetics mapping community. Of course the only reason I had the testing originally was due to a breast cancer diagnosis before the age of 45 which deep down I knew my biopsy would be malignant and he kept saying stop being pessimistic! At least my husband wasn't as flippant as your partner

PregnantSea · 15/03/2019 15:34

Sounds like he's scared shitless that you'll have it and is putting up walls. It's not fair on you though, you deserve some support

NoCauseRebel · 15/03/2019 15:40

To be fair though we don’t know what the condition is and how it could affect the OP in the future.

Do people honestly think that they would be cool with their partner being diagnosed with something like Huntington’s and knowing the future that would bring not only for the sufferer but for them as a couple? Really?

I have the condition which young sports persons often die of. There is no cure, for some they don’t find out until something else happens (it did with me) or (as my cardiologist so eloquently put it,) until they drop dead.

Some in my family have opted not to know, others have. But the reality is that knowledge only brings power if something else happens and e.g. medics need to be aware. But for something like Huntington’s you know that you are going to decline over years. That your independence is gradually going to reduce until you die, and whether or not we want to admit it it does have an impact on everyone around us.

I would like to think that I would be entirely cool with a partner being tested for something like that. But I don’t honestly know if I would be cool with then knowing what our life was going to look like going forward, because it’s not the same as knowing that things could happenn, it’s knowing for certain that they will happen, iyswim.

AuntMarch · 15/03/2019 15:56

My first thought is it's a front. He's trying to reassure when actually he's worried himself. (He's getting it wrong though)

AcrossthePond55 · 15/03/2019 15:56

He's being an arse. There's just as much reason to be tested simply for the relief of finding that you don't have whatever it is!

Has your DH never been to a doctor because he's worried he may have bronchitis or a broken foot (for example) only to be relieved that it's only a chest cold or a sprain? It's the same damned thing.

I have Coeliac Disease, tested after symptoms. Why on earth shouldn't my (adult) children be tested? Not only might it affect them and cause them to investigate symptoms that otherwise might be put down to a 'dodgy tummy' or similar, it could affect their children.

Next time he complains about feeling ill, treat him as if he's a hypochondriac, see how he likes it!

Funkaccino · 15/03/2019 16:08

Only you know if he's being a cunt or otherwise trying to trick himself into believing there is no risk.

gamerwidow · 15/03/2019 16:12

He is being a twat but if he is not normally a twat this is probably coming from a place of fear. It sounds like he is trying to convince his self as much as he is trying to convince you.
This is the sort of stupid thing I know I can do, make light of things and dismiss them as ridiculous so that I don't have to think about them.

adaline · 15/03/2019 16:23

Honestly? He sounds scared to me.

I don't know what implications of this condition are, but is he scared you're going to die early or pass this condition on to your children? Maybe he feels that if there's nothing you can do about it either way, you may as well live in ignorance.

holly1501 · 15/03/2019 16:36

Yes he is being a dick. I'll help hold him still for you to punch him in the nose if you want?

On a serious, go and get yourself tested.

ThreeBagsFullofWool · 15/03/2019 16:40

He should be happy if you don't have it, but not in I told you so way. Dick.

Original poster

Chancewouldbeafinethlng · 15/03/2019 16:48

I think he’s projecting thinking about it. He always rolls his eyes when this other family member is mentioned as they have a tense relationship.
He’s assuming it’s nothing because it was them who suggested it if that makes sense?

Thing is I am quite worried about it all and it would be nice to be able to talk about it without feeling silly.

OP posts:

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