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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that nursery aged kids do get ill quite often?

31 replies

cadburyegg · 04/03/2019 21:17

Every time DS1 gets ill my DH and MIL get in a flap about how “he gets ill so much”, “why is he so unhealthy”, etc etc. I was on the toilet just now and DH comes in saying “my mum is really worried about DS1 and is asking why he is always ill!”

This is a list of how often in the last year he has been ill.
Spring 2018: d&v bug, off nursery for a week due to 48hr rule
Autumn 2018: I collected him from nursery at lunchtime due to high temperature. Fine the next day.
Christmas: ill for one day with sore tummy and diarrhoea.
2 weeks ago: DH collected from nursery at lunchtime due to high temperature, fine the next day.
Since yesterday: high temperature but responding to calpol etc.

Tbh I thought this was kind of standard for a 4 year old and up til recently we’ve had a really good run this winter. AIBU?

OP posts:
MrsEricBana · 04/03/2019 21:20

Agree. Totally par for the course.

Meralia · 04/03/2019 21:20

My DS is 20 months, ever since he started nursery 6 months ago, it has been one thing after another, conjunctivitis, D&V, High temps, colds, hand, foot and mouth etc... the list is endless.

I’m hoping that it will tail off soon, but, others have said it’s quite common after starting nursery to pick up these bugs.

user1493413286 · 04/03/2019 21:23

That sounds pretty good; my DD has been ill a lot since starting nursery (I’ve caught a lot of it too). My mil started making worried comments too

Muddlingalongalone · 04/03/2019 21:25

It gets better. Dd2 is 4 and started at 12 months. She was off nursery today for the first time since she had chicken pox 15 months ago.
Her first year - off 5 or 6 times I reckon.

Dd1, yr3 has had 2.5 terms of 100% attendance in a row now but same, the first year of nursery in particular was bad.
Toddlers are generally unhygienic - lots of toddlers together is germ heaven. Boosted immune systems - eventually!

katmarie · 04/03/2019 21:25

My ds has had one thing after another since starting nursery, cold, d&v bugs, temperature, rash, conjunctivitis, all sorts. It's all part of building their immune system. If they don't fight these things off they will never grow any resistance to them. My nephew went through the same and is healthy as a horse now.

JRMisOdious · 04/03/2019 21:28

Sounds pretty normal. Our daughter works in a nursery setting and even as an adult was constantly coming down with bugs for at least the first year. They’re notorious hot beds for germs. It will improve over the years, as their immunities increase.

blueskiesovertheforest · 04/03/2019 21:32

Its nursery - kids of an age to put things in their mouths have an immature immune system and are couped up together.

Kids who don't go to nursery but have a wide social circle and are out and about plenty won't be ill that often in their entire childhoods but get just enough exposure to build their immune system so don't get ill on starting school either, and are older so have a more mature immune system.

missyB1 · 04/03/2019 21:35

I work in a nursery, sounds totally normal to me.

Crunchymum · 04/03/2019 21:37

My 4yo hasn't been the same since starting full time pre school. It's been mainly coughs and colds (with the odd D&V) and then when she is well she gets fucking nits!!! She had that awful virus for a good 8 weeks on and off as well - days of high temp, off her food, lethargic, miserable.

Youngandfree · 04/03/2019 21:38

I don’t know I just think all kids are different to be honest, mine are very rarely sick.
They had a “virus” for a week before Christmas but it was mostly over a weekend, DS missed 2 days of Montessori and DD missed 1 day of school. The last time they were sick before that was Christmas Day 2017, they had a d&v bug. No joke, that was it, Dd had a d&v bug when she was about 2 (she’s 5 now) and DS did have a really strange illness and admission to hospital at 9months (where they couldn’t figure out what was wrong) but treated for meningitis, tested for leukemia, neuroblastomas...it’s still a mystery to this day. All in all that is it bar a few little coughs and the odd runny nose (not even calpol worthy). So for age 3 and 5 they’re not doing too badly.🤞🤞 (And I don’t give mine vitamins or tonics)

Pocketfull · 04/03/2019 21:39

DC has had a cold since they started nursery, with an intermittent cough.
The Dr shrugged the second time we took DC in concerned about their cough, she said kids are always sick at nursery, and that they’ll have a fantastic immune system when they’re older.

Honestly, the day they don’t have a runny nose for more than a week will be a glorious one.

TORDEVAN · 04/03/2019 21:53

sounds amazing! My DD started Nursery 6 months and has had something ever since!

I keep getting told by my DDs doctor that it's good though, as DD is building her immune system and should need less time off School later on (hoping this is true!).

Hugsandpastries · 04/03/2019 21:58

I wish my toddler had so few illnesses! He had an average of 1-2 days a month off nursery last year - some months double that - culminating in a hospital stay for over a week towards the end of the year. He’s much better now but I was starting to feel lucky if we got through a week without something happening. Your MIL has probably forgotten what it’s like. Hope your DS1 feels better soon x

user1471426142 · 04/03/2019 22:06

Nursery seems to be a cesspit of germs basically. But anecdotally friends with older kids like to reassure me that come school, their kids barely get ill. I hope that is true as we’re currently into day 5 of a nursery acquired vomiting bug and I’m super fed up and my little one is really suffering.

Rade · 04/03/2019 22:07

Nurseries are germ pools. When mine were in nursery I used up my entire annual leave on staying home with sick children.
I don't believe it did their immune system any good either, that's just how people justify having to send their children to nursery.

altiara · 04/03/2019 22:11

That’s barely anything I’d say.

megletthesecond · 04/03/2019 22:11

Gosh yes. Mine were ill so often in their first 2 years of nursery. It did massively tail off once they were in that last pre-school year though.

They have rarely been ill at school and have had three 100% attendance certs between them. Other years they've only had one or two days off.

StepAwayFromGoogle · 04/03/2019 22:18

YANBU, OP, toddlers are walking petri dishes. DD1 was constantly sick for about 9 months after starting nursery. By the time they're in pre-school they're hardy little things, though. Apparently they either get sick at nursery or at school (if they didn't go to nursery) so nobody dodges it. And as PPs have said, apparently it's great for their immune system. Silver linings and all that.

Divgirl2 · 04/03/2019 22:30

My GP said that once they start nursery kids get sick about 8 times a year, and that as an average each period usually lasts about 2 weeks start to finish, so for a year or so it seems like they're constantly unwell.

Going by that I'd say your DC is remarkably healthy!

Abouttime1978 · 04/03/2019 22:31

That's nothing!

My one year old was sick for six months straight last year, and she wasn't at nursery, just had two primary school siblings sharing the school's collective germs.

So you are getting off rather lightly.

thaegumathteth · 04/03/2019 23:35

That’s not a bad go at all! I’d say my older kids are ill about that frequently now. When ds was under 5 he was constantly ill with viruses and ear infections. Was shit but unavoidable.

blueskiesovertheforest · 05/03/2019 13:54

Rade 's right, the idea that over exposing children under 3 before their immune system is developed makes them less likely to be ill as school children is very much unproven and just something people tell themselves.

I have an acquaintance who is absolutely zealous about the fact all children who didn't go to nursery from 4 months old being snowflakes, but the fact is her onechild who went to nursery from 4 months old and is now in her 3rd year of school is ill more often than my 3 school age non nursery attending children put together. If one of mine has so much as a she'll try to get in a comment about them not having been to nursery, but when she's posting yet again on social media about snuggling up with her poorly DC who's off school with a bug of course neither I or anyone else mentions her claims of an iron constitution thanks to all those nursery illnesses...

Nursery doesn't do any harm but it's just one of those things that has to be done, it doesn't give children better immune systems or better anything really. A good nursery will have the same outcome as being home with a fairly well educated and engaged parent who interacts with and socialises the child outside the home (friends, extended family, toddlers groups etc) properly. I don't know why some people are determined to justify the perfectly reasonable decision/ often unavoidable necessity to use nursery. It's a bit like the people who insist easy babies will be hellish teens - it's not based in evidence, it's just made up...

blueskiesovertheforest · 05/03/2019 13:57

*so much as a sniffle that was meant to say. Somehow the word sniffle disappeared without trace...

greenelephantscarf · 05/03/2019 13:59

totally normal for first winter in nursery.
dc will be fine and will have a robust immune system next winter

blueskiesovertheforest · 05/03/2019 14:06

cadburyegg it doesn't actually look as though your child is ill that often, and it's mainly temperatures with no other symptoms which if the temperature wasn't too high and he wasn't feverish/ lethargic/ in pain is his body fighting something off, not an actual full blown illness. Essentially he's had 2 bouts of stomach upset - one was d&v and one more minor, and fought off a few things. Plus he's 4 years old so if he was the same age but born at a different time of year could be school age.

I think you need to ignore your mil - more importantly your DH needs to reassure her and ask her to stop making a mountain out of a molehill, and not set more store in her opinion than yours.