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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids party RSVPs

47 replies

Mangetoutrodney · 02/03/2019 08:04

First post here- it’s my 6 year old DDs birthday party next week & she has invited 12 kids from school to her party- 3 can’t come & 3 have said yes. No reply from the othere. I texted the parents as was worried that the invites didn’t get to them but no reply to texts either.
Aibu to be pissed off about it. My DD has been to half those kids parties & we always RSVP. I don’t want to chase but aibu to think they could respond to a text?
Should I cancel party? My DD will be so upset. It makes me not want to bother organising parties as I find it so stressful

OP posts:
Auntiepatricia · 02/03/2019 08:07

Probably the other 3 saw your messages on the hop and have forgotten to reply still. Totally rubbish of them. I’d do the party, if you’ve 3 friends you can do something way nicer. Have you booked something? Maybe cinema trip with seeet bags and popcorn followed by McDs or something if you can afford it but 4 kids means it possible to do things you couldn’t with 6-13 kids.

Hollowvictory · 02/03/2019 08:09

Go ahead with the party your dd should not kiss out bec others are rude

Original poster
Mangetoutrodney · 02/03/2019 08:09

@auntie thanks. This was the last year I said DD could have a bigger party but I kind of wish I had gone with my gut instinct & done a smaller one this year tbh!

OP posts:
ItsalwaysLTB · 02/03/2019 08:11

IME no reply means they are not coming. It took me three years to stop feeling infuriated at the rudeness of people who fail to rsvp. Focus on the ones that are coming and do a great party for them. At 6 they just care about the party not how many have come!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 02/03/2019 08:12

People are so rude - sadly this seems to be the norm judging by all the posts on here. I’d chase rather than cancel- do you see the other parents or do you have their phone numbers?

Original poster
Mangetoutrodney · 02/03/2019 08:14

@onlyfools I have texted once as worried that the invites didn’t go home but people didn’t even reply to texts- it boggles my mind to be honest! I would never ignore a party invite text!!

OP posts:
formerbabe · 02/03/2019 08:19

IME no reply means they are not coming

Not necessarily...I've had people not reply and still turn up on the day.

You still have a week...you may get a flurry of responses next week...

Its a nightmare I know

StinkyCandle · 02/03/2019 08:20

This is infuriating - people are just rude and selfish. They are just waiting to see if a better offer comes up!

Are there any other children you can invite at short notice to make up numbers? (do you even need to make up the numbers?) It would be a shame if your child misses out.

It's such a disgusting attitude, some parents don't have that much money and it's a really big deal for them. More importantly, it's the child only 6th birthday party ever, and it's a huge deal for them. But hey ho, kids don't matter, do they

LaChatte · 02/03/2019 08:25

I no longer put the location on invitations, that way if parents don't rsvp they don't know where it is so are unlikely to show up.

BlueMerchant · 02/03/2019 08:30

Had the same happen for both my son and daughter. Once at a village Hall, once a soft-play (cost a fortune). Was so annoyed and I was so stressed.Some who hadn't replied turned up on the day and some who were coming didn't turn up. We had been to many of the non-rsvps Birthday parties and always RSVP.
This year coming we are having a couple of friends over for a film and takeaway.
I swore if I ever got an invite again I would not RSVP either- I'm still fuming. So far there's been no invites.

Eliza9917 · 02/03/2019 08:30

I wouldn't let them in if they turn up and haven't rsvp'd. Invite others instead.

NorthernKnickers · 02/03/2019 08:33

Take the three lovely children who HAVE responded somewhere different to the place stated on the invite (obviously inform parents of this change!) and just not be at the 'original venue' in the event that 'rude non-rsvp' parents turn up on the day 😂 That will teach them to 'use their manners' 🤣

(Obviously joking...I wouldn't really do this, but would be VERY tempted!!!!!)

Ask one more time, be direct and non-PA.

"Please let me know whether or not xxxxxxx will be attending xxxxxxxx's party. If I don't hear by Monday evening, will assume he/she is not attending and will cross off the list. Thanks."

Eliza9917 · 02/03/2019 14:30

Why wouldn't you really do that? That's a really good idea.

Sunnysidegold · 02/03/2019 14:59

I had booked an activity for my kid's birthday in January. Sent invitations out 3 weeks before. Activity is priced for 12 children so 10 invited (my 2 kids would go). Two people didn't RSVP but the boys had told my son they were going. Didn't show up on the day. I was annoyed as we could have invited 2 other people. Didn't even have their numbers.

I am considering putting an RSVP by date on the invitation next year and then just inviting other people when the deadline passes.

faw2009 · 02/03/2019 15:04

Changing the venue is a brilliant idea. With fewer kids you could really splash out on them! So maybe a text to those who haven't replied saying you are thinking of changing the venue so need to know if they are coming?

llangennith · 02/03/2019 15:11

Try doing a group WhatsApp message. Usually works when people see others responding.

NorthernKnickers · 02/03/2019 15:13

@Eliza9917 only because it's not really the children's fault is it? So they would be the ones let down and upset, when they got to the party only to find that nobody was home. Just imagine how upsetting that would be to a 6 or 7 year old who had absolutely idea about his parents rudeness, and has been looking forward to attending his friend's birthday party.

I would be internally fuming at the rudeness of the parents, and plot all kinds of 'revenge' on them, but in the real world I'd never intentionally upset a small child, no matter how much I'm raging at their parent.

I'm direct enough to tell the parent how rude I think they are though 😂

Chaosandmadness · 02/03/2019 15:20

I've had the same issue. Party next weekend and some parents haven't bothered to say if they are coming or not. I asked for replies by yesterday so I could confirm numbers with the venue. I'm considering using the spaces I have left for siblings of children who have replied so the parents don't have to pay for them. Tough shit to anyone who turns up on the day

darksideofbuttonmoon · 02/03/2019 15:26

We've had the same experience with every party we've ever done for DD. It's not even difficult, just send a text! I remember when I was a kid RSVPing meant cutting off the bottom of the invite, filling it in and returning it GrinI've come to the conclusion that some people don't understand that you should RSVP no if you're not intending to go.
Friends did a party and only for 8 RSVPs out of 28 invites!

MrHaroldFry · 02/03/2019 15:39

It's a nightmare. I've been in your shoes and I usually get a reply 24/48 hours before the event. ( I sometimes think they hang on in case a better offer comes along).
We have one mother (coincidentally a teacher in our junior school) who never replies and always turns up on the day! Maddening!

StinkyCandle · 02/03/2019 15:44

I've come to the conclusion that some people don't understand that you should RSVP no if you're not intending to go.

I don't believe anyone could be this thick, but there was a poster once who thought you only RSVP if you said no.. She was however able to access the internet and MN, so you couldn't even blame sheer stupidity.

The idea of a last minute change of venue is genius. Kids won't be too disappointed, the rude parents will just have to pay for an activity, instead of enjoying the free party.

The issue with inviting others after the RSVP date, is that you risk ending up with too many kids on the day.

pinkgloves · 02/03/2019 15:45

We had 15 kids turn up to ds's last party that didn't bother to reply.

People are utterly fucking ignorant.

RoboticSealpup · 02/03/2019 15:53

I've never had anyone turn up who hadn't RSVPd. In my experience, it just means they're not coming.

Mumsymumphy · 02/03/2019 15:56

This infuriates me! It takes 1 minute to text a reply yes or no. And the ones who turn up after not replying at all AngryAngry
I had a party for my daughter in a local hall so had invited quite a few children. It was a princess/costume type party. I didn't realise till the end when i ran out of party boxes that there were at least 2 parents who had brought along the invited child's siblings, had dressed them up also & had fully joined in with all the games, food & had come and got a party box, meaning i was short for a child who had been invited. Had they let me know in their reply that they would be bringing siblings i would have said 'no problem' & got extra. I never realised I should have to factor in extras for invited children's siblings! Is that the norm or is it CF of the highest order?!

m0therofdragons · 02/03/2019 16:00

This drives me nuts. Dd invited her whole class (year 6) to her party and 10 out of 29 didn't reply. I managed to message 5 on Fb although I didn't really know the parents and if the 5 I didn't hear from 2 turned up. It was luckily okay but party included roller skates so luckily we had spares in their sizes! So stressful.

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