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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a little disappointed?

44 replies

chocolatelog · 01/03/2019 22:36

We found out a few weeks ago that I'm pregnant and due 3rd sep. I found out today that dh goes to Vegas on 27th August for 5 days for his dads 50th birthday. It's been planned for ages but unbeknown to me it was booked 6 weeks ago which is all well and good before I knew I was pregnant but now I know I'm feeling a bit 😬 the date can't be changed either because there's 15 of them going and it would be a huge faff. Would I be a bitch to say something or should I just hope for the best and hope I don't go into labour early like I have done with my other 3 pregnancies? I don't want dh not to go because it's his dads big birthday and well.. Vegas is most men's dream but hey..what if he misses the birth of his last child 🙈

I've name changed for this 🙈

OP posts:
PomBearWithAnOFRS · 01/03/2019 22:41

You are not BU to be worried, or to want him to be there at the birth, but babies are unpredictable and will come when they're ready.
You will just have to plan accordingly and hope for the best.

Smileymoon · 01/03/2019 22:43

That is a hard one. I would be quite frightened about giving birth alone but presumably he has paid quite a lot for trip and it's with his whole family. Why weren't you planning on going if you didn't know you were pregnant?

Original poster
chocolatelog · 01/03/2019 22:45

@Smileymoon it's just all men going, the guys that work for him,mates,dh and Bil

OP posts:
PolarBearDisguisedAsAPenguin · 01/03/2019 22:47

How early have your other labours been? Maybe he will still be here in time and go off afterwards. I’d be more worried about needing support with the other three but I guess that depends on who you have around and their ages.

WorraLiberty · 01/03/2019 22:48

Oh God that's a tough one.

I'd hope it'd sort itself out because your DH would tell his Dad he can no longer go and that his dad wouldn't expect him to anyway.

IvanaPee · 01/03/2019 22:49

Ooh tough.

If it was my dh he’d cancel going, I know that 100%. But I wouldn’t ask him to - he just would.

I don’t know if that helps! 😂

Pinkprincess1978 · 01/03/2019 22:49

It's bad timing but it's not like he booked it after you were pregnant. Bed rest while he is away to keep baby in there 😂

I would be worried and if it hadn't of been booked my DH wouldn't be allowed to go (he wouldn't ask so maybe using 'allowed' is the wrong phrase).

Now it's booked I think you need to see how you get on and how you both feel.

Seline · 01/03/2019 22:50

Ask for an elective cesarean and they'll do it earlier than the date you're due.

PuzzlingPuzzle · 01/03/2019 22:51

So you’ll be 39 weeks pregnant and he would get back the day before or on your due date? And it’s your 4th baby and you’ve been early with the previous 3? Surely your DH has worked out for himself that there’s no way he’s going to Vegas...
Oh and congratulations!

anniehm · 01/03/2019 22:54

Have a plan b - babies are unpredictable but he didn't know when it was booked. Dh missed dd1, was there for dd2 and tbh if there had been a dc3 I would not have wanted him there, my mum was a far better birth partner! Useless he was

Borderterrierpuppy · 01/03/2019 22:56

I would get him to cancel if possible, surely you could do a name change on the tickets.

Original poster
chocolatelog · 01/03/2019 22:59

The thing is dh and the other 13 guys have all booked this in secret as a surprise. Fil doesn't even know 🙈 I saw my mother in law today she knows because the guys ran it past her first incase she had any plans for fil's birthday. She gave it the go ahead and has planned to take him away 3 weeks after Vegas. So I feel like I'm kind of stuck because I can't really tell him to not go. I'll have lots of family support incase I do go into labour early but it's not the point I want him there 🙈

Other babies were born at..

Dc1 38+1
Dc2 38+4
Dc3 36+1

OP posts:
janetforpresident · 01/03/2019 23:02

Were you planning a pregnancy? If so Yabu to only be disappointed I would be furious.

If it's an accident I think I would still expect DH to cancel. I get that the trip can't be rearranged but your DH can probably pull out does he have insurance?

How would he honestly feel if he missed the birth?

Original poster
chocolatelog · 01/03/2019 23:02

@anniehm 😂that made me laugh!

@PuzzlingPuzzle thank you 😊

OP posts:
Original poster
chocolatelog · 01/03/2019 23:06

@janetforpresident no it wasn't a planned pregnancy, I've been on the pill for 3 years 😬 although it was a shock we are happy. Dh totally forgot Vegas until I mentioned it today after mil reminded me. He's reaction didn't say "oh I better cancel" 🙈 but tbf he's a bit slow so it wouldn't even register that it's around the time the baby is due 😬

OP posts:
Auntiepatricia · 01/03/2019 23:09

It’s not a difficult one. He should cancel. Now.

MumUnderTheMoon · 01/03/2019 23:10

Honestly if I were you I'd probably let him craic on if he wanted to go. Plenty of men miss the birth of their children and it doesn't affect their bond, you've done it before and you know what your at. Other than that can he insure the holiday and you can see if you need to cancel nearer the time?

CocoLoco87 · 01/03/2019 23:12

Given when your other births were, it sounds like you have a good chance of having it before he even goes. So at least he'd be there for the big occasion, although jetting off pretty soon after...

CocoLoco87 · 01/03/2019 23:12

And congratulations! Flowers

janetforpresident · 01/03/2019 23:14

He will.have to cancel. He could look into changing for a month/6 weeks earlier if he feels it is worth it but should not be away on those dates

Drogosnextwife · 01/03/2019 23:15

He needs to cancel or there is a good chance he will miss his child being born or possibly be leaving you with a new born and 3 other kids. Surely he realises this himself?

Fiveredbricks · 01/03/2019 23:17

No question DH should not be going. As he'll either be leaving you with a newborn and potentially a csection recovery as is the risk with all labours, or potentially leaving you in labour home alone. No. Fuck that.

If he was a decent human being he would want to be there for the birth of his kid and to support his partner, his own Dad should understand that. Why is it even a question?

Shellery · 01/03/2019 23:23

Well, if it's all booked and can't be changed then surely there's nothing you can do at this stage anyway? It might be more likely this baby would arrive early like your other ones but it might not.

I can see it's a bit disconcerting for you right now but I'd just wait until closer to the time and see how things look in the summer (presuming that it's not time-sensitive financially to cancel ie it makes no difference if it was now or a week before?). If you have the baby early then your DH might just have to cancel his own place on the trip, it would be understandable to your FIL if your DH wanted to/felt he must, but that would be a discussion for all to have then.

Congratulations!

ReanimatedSGB · 01/03/2019 23:24

If you have other family or close friends around who will be able to look after your other DC - and you - when this baby arrives then TBH I think you should wave your H off with good wishes. Yes, you and the baby matter, but so does your H's father. So does the holiday of a lifetime.
It would be a bit different if your H was always off on all-male jollies and never did his share of housework or childcare but you don't mention anything like that. And, for all the monogamist/couplehood whining you get on threads like these, there isn't anything in particular that your H can do during labour/first few days with a newborn that couldn't be done as well if not better by family or close friends. Some fathers are away when a DC is born because they are in the forces, for example. Sometimes, most unfortunately, a man might have to choose between being with his pregnant wife and being with his dying grandparent or something. People manage.

Cel982 · 01/03/2019 23:24

Of course he should cancel Hmm If he goes he'll be leaving you with either (a) a newborn and three older kids (highly likely given the timings of your previous deliveries), or (b) an imminent delivery and three older kids. For a lads' holiday. I would think any decent husband would cancel without a second thought.

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