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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel a little disappointed?

44 replies

chocolatelog · 01/03/2019 22:36

We found out a few weeks ago that I'm pregnant and due 3rd sep. I found out today that dh goes to Vegas on 27th August for 5 days for his dads 50th birthday. It's been planned for ages but unbeknown to me it was booked 6 weeks ago which is all well and good before I knew I was pregnant but now I know I'm feeling a bit 😬 the date can't be changed either because there's 15 of them going and it would be a huge faff. Would I be a bitch to say something or should I just hope for the best and hope I don't go into labour early like I have done with my other 3 pregnancies? I don't want dh not to go because it's his dads big birthday and well.. Vegas is most men's dream but hey..what if he misses the birth of his last child 🙈

I've name changed for this 🙈

OP posts:

Guavaf1sh · 01/03/2019 23:25

Don’t stop him from going. Let him decide and cancel if he feels that is best. Asking/forcing him to cancel is a recipe for resentment

youngestisapsycho · 01/03/2019 23:26

If you have family and support to help you then I don’t see a problem with him not being there.... would be different if was first baby.

ScrumptiousBears · 01/03/2019 23:27

We'd wing it and suck it up if it didn't work out.

Cel982 · 01/03/2019 23:29

Don’t stop him from going. Let him decide and cancel if he feels that is best. Asking/forcing him to cancel is a recipe for resentment

Jesus wept. It's his baby too, presumably. The OP didn't get pregnant just to inconvenience him.

Original poster

chocolatelog · 01/03/2019 23:44

Thanks everyone.

Dh is great, he works hard to support us all and is kind and considerate. He doesn't go on lads holidays but this was different, this is him taking his dad on a once in a lifetime trip with guys that he works with and brother so I was totally up for him going, he thoroughly deserves it.

I'm lucky that I have lots of family, my parents, ds and bil live just around the corner and my db and sil live a few miles away. My eldest is 17 so can look after the 2 younger ones. My best friend is here too so I'll have lots of support I'm not worried about that. I really want dh to go but at the same time don't want im him to miss anything, I know it's months away and anything can happen between now and then so I'll just see how things go.

OP posts:

Fairenuff · 02/03/2019 00:08

It's a bit sad that he would rather be on holiday than at his baby's birth.

OKBobble · 02/03/2019 00:09

Looking at your other deliveries I suspect the baby will have already put in an appearance. It sounds like you have a good support network around you and that you do want him to go if possible. So the reality is are you prepared to lose the money if he does need to cancel?

Tavannach · 02/03/2019 00:14

But going by all all your other babies this baby will already be here by the time your DH is due to leave. Maybe just chance it?

snitzelvoncrumb · 02/03/2019 01:03

Congratulations!! You are an experienced mum, so I'm sure you could give birth, fold washing and cook a roast at the same time without any difficulty so you will be ok if bubs decides arrive while dh is away. I would just make sure he knows he could miss the birth, but it's up to him if he goes and make sure he knows you will be ok without him.

Stompythedinosaur · 02/03/2019 05:03

I don't think that's a difficult situation, he should clearly not go.

You need a birth partner and surely he wouldn't consider missing the birth for a holiday? You'll need support afterwards, too. He can't possibly go so close to your due date!

rosablue · 02/03/2019 05:23

I would start investigating a doula to help/support you during the birth - regardless of whether your dh goes or not, if you start talking about how you will need one whether he goes or not - if the baby comes early then they can support you in the early days while dh is away afterwards.

If you start talking about finding one, maybe dh will realise what he is doing and will want to stay. Or if he wants to go you have time to build up a relationship beforehand.

ReanimatedSGB · 04/03/2019 13:01

You sound pretty sensible: let your H go without whining, as you will have plenty of support. Perhaps, if the baby arrives while he's away, you can manage a quick video call to him (once you're up to it.)

user1487194234 · 04/03/2019 13:15

I would not ask my husband not to go in these circumstances.

outpinked · 04/03/2019 13:30

I would expect DP to stay home in those circumstances. If it were a holiday to France it wouldn’t be so bad but Vegas is an 11 hour flight so he would almost definitely miss the birth even if he got an emergency flight home. If you do have the baby early he’ll be ditching you with a newborn and other DC to look after.

It’s unfortunate but he needs to do the right thing.

mistermagpie · 04/03/2019 13:39

Not in a million billion years would my DH be going. I wouldn't 'forbid' it or anything, but there's no way in the world that he would go, I know that for sure.

I'm actually surprised by a lot of people's attitudes on this thread, people seem quite blasé about it but lots can go wrong in birth and it's incredibly close to your due date.

Yes, it's unfortunate but that's life and he can't be in two places at once. The birth of a child trumps a 50th birthday, surely?!

PCohle · 04/03/2019 13:40

I'd expect him to cancel. Without having to be asked.

Not just for OP's sake - does he not want to be there to meet his child? How will he feel explaining to his DC in later life that he wasn't actually there when (s)he was born because he was on the piss in Vegas with the lads?

PCohle · 04/03/2019 13:42

Also I appreciate it's a surprise so you can't ask his views, but my (lovely) FIL would be horrified at the idea of my DH possibly missing the birth of one of his children just to celebrate FIL's birthday.

Bloggee · 04/03/2019 13:42

Ah honestly I would ask him tbh, I don’t think I’d be too fussed if it were my fourth

Cel982 · 04/03/2019 14:07

This. I'm really stunned that so many women here feel that their partners would be fine with missing the birth of their child (quite aside from the unfair childcare burden it would put on the OP). There's no way in hell my husband would be ok with this, and I'd be really questioning our marriage if he was.

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