Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sick of playing postman

40 replies

cheesenpickles · 28/02/2019 16:36

Eight years ago we bought our house and my dad and his partner bought one of those static caravans to live in full-time. It's about 2 miles from me, so not far, but I don't drive and there's no public transport near there. Busy roads (so not ideal for taking the kids with me etc).

When they moved in they were tons there was no post delivery there and asked, as a temporary measure, if they could have their post forward to ours until they got a post box. We agreed as it was temporary. It's now eight years later and they refuse to get a post box, say they need a "fixed address" for bank stuff and won't change their details or give this responsibility to anybody else.

A lot has happened between now and then and I'm grey rock. They're now not very mobile/borderline housebound and they used to expect us to wait in all weekend for them to come and collect their post when they fancied. They now expect us to ferry it to them at their whim.

I won't take my kids there as it's a hotbox of cigarette smoke and filth. Ss and stuff have been involved but they constantly refuse help.

My dsis and his partners kids live locally. Both drive. Both have more free time than me but won't help with the post.

I've just had a text from my dad asking me to bring their post to them this minute (errr, no) and I've said I can't because I'm sorting the kids dinner, out of town tomorrow through till next week and haven't got the time sadly.

He's got all arsey with me and I'm bloody sick of it. We get more post for them than for us.

Wibu to just return to sender absolutely everything in future?

OP posts:
Original poster
cheesenpickles · 28/02/2019 16:37

They were told*

OP posts:
Original poster
cheesenpickles · 28/02/2019 16:38

Also I don't drive due to medical reasons*

OP posts:
Cremeeggsareforever · 28/02/2019 16:39

No I wouldn't say YABU to RTS. I get a lot of post for a family memner and have asked them to sort it all out for months. They still haven't so now I RTS. They were warned.

Disfordarkchocolate · 28/02/2019 16:40

Return their post to the sender.

Notthatsimple · 28/02/2019 16:42

Do you know the address of their mobile home/site? Can you write them a letter and hand it over when ever you do next hand over their post which says that in one month you will start returning to sender, “not at this address” on the envelopes? Even better, email it to them so they can’t deny they were warned?

Popsicle434544 · 28/02/2019 16:43

Yanbu
Rts the lot x

Laiste · 28/02/2019 16:44

One confrontation avoiding solution would be to get a simple little secure box fixed outside your house and give them a key. You bung their post in it and they can come and collect it (if and) when they like without involving you any further.

Laiste · 28/02/2019 16:46

20 quid for one from screwfix (black or white) but i can't do a link ....

RandomMess · 28/02/2019 16:47

Have they been using your address to avoid paying council tax and avoid illegally living on site for 52 weeks of the year?

I would be very suspicious at their refusal to use their own address...

Tartanwallpaper · 28/02/2019 16:47

I think the real reason may be so they don't have to pay any council tax , wouldn't having post to the caravan prove they lived there full time?

Original poster
cheesenpickles · 28/02/2019 16:48

@Laiste we tried that before but they got all huffy about it. He's now housebound and she only drives to things that she wants to. They expect me to get my husband to drive one of his very rare days off or for me to walk to them with it. A four mile round trip. Sad

OP posts:
Tartanwallpaper · 28/02/2019 16:48

Random mess- great minds eh?

ChakiraChakra · 28/02/2019 16:48

I'd give them notice. One month to rearrange their post, anything arriving on or after 1 April 2019 will be returned to sender. And I'd bundle anything that comes between now and then up one a week and either deliver to them or to one of the other children who will be seeing them soon.

Grey rock is good. Obviously they've taken the piss. I just think you need to give them firm notice to sort it out otherwise you are the unreasonable one.

Laiste · 28/02/2019 16:48

Ooh tenner on ebay :)
www.ebay.co.uk/bhp/lockable-post-box

Original poster
cheesenpickles · 28/02/2019 16:49

Yeah there was a council tax issue when it began and they had a dispute with the site about it. They said to me they actually started paying council tax... somehow. They're not registered to vote here or on the electoral role.

OP posts:
Original poster
cheesenpickles · 28/02/2019 16:50

They do t live there all 52 weeks. For one month a year they move into a hotel (at enormous expense) just over the road from the site.

OP posts:
Laiste · 28/02/2019 16:51

Oh bugger them getting huffy about it! If she can drive she can drive to get her bloody post!

I'd tell them it's the post box or return to sender. Their choice.

PMT here and angry for you AngryGrin

BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty · 28/02/2019 16:51

Can you speak to the local postal depot and explain you no longer wish their mail to be sent to you?

RandomMess · 28/02/2019 16:52

You absolutely need to RTS they could be racking up debt on your address, you could be seen as complicit in council tax fraud...

Chloemol · 28/02/2019 16:53

send a message saying they have two weeks to advise everyone of their current address. Advise for the next two weeks you will take the post in, but they need to come and collect it. After the two weeks everything will be return to sender, not known at this address they xxxx and type in their current address

Original poster
cheesenpickles · 28/02/2019 16:54

@RandomMess I know they don't have any debt thankfully but the council tax thing does worry me somewhat.

OP posts:
Laiste · 28/02/2019 16:56

My dsis and his partners kids live locally. Both drive. Both have more free time than me but won't help with the post.

So your sister refuses to pander to it.

Look inside and think - what is the reason you won't just say ''no dad - i'm not doing it anymore''.

Original poster
cheesenpickles · 28/02/2019 16:56

Though they pay a service fee to the park and the park leases the land from the council, so would that have the associated charges with it? He used to be very open about money and paperwork with us but since they got together he won't tell us anything. There's a lot more financial stuff to the situation but it's very outing, messy and upsetting.

OP posts:
Travis1 · 28/02/2019 16:58

Fuck that! Give them 4 weeks notice. This is the ideal time as well. Reply to him and say the arrangement obviously isn't working anymore for either of you and they need to make alternative arrangements commencing 1st of April. After this date you'll RTS

Imperfectsusan · 28/02/2019 16:58

I mean this kindly, but your key issue is you, not them. If you can't make changes to an unsatisfactory situation if case they get huffy, you need to work out why that is. Only you can say no to them, however politely, nobody else.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread