To be sick of playing postman

[cheesenpickles]

Eight years ago we bought our house and my dad and his partner bought one of those static caravans to live in full-time. It's about 2 miles from me, so not far, but I don't drive and there's no public transport near there. Busy roads (so not ideal for taking the kids with me etc).

When they moved in they were tons there was no post delivery there and asked, as a temporary measure, if they could have their post forward to ours until they got a post box. We agreed as it was temporary. It's now eight years later and they refuse to get a post box, say they need a "fixed address" for bank stuff and won't change their details or give this responsibility to anybody else.

A lot has happened between now and then and I'm grey rock. They're now not very mobile/borderline housebound and they used to expect us to wait in all weekend for them to come and collect their post when they fancied. They now expect us to ferry it to them at their whim.

I won't take my kids there as it's a hotbox of cigarette smoke and filth. Ss and stuff have been involved but they constantly refuse help.

My dsis and his partners kids live locally. Both drive. Both have more free time than me but won't help with the post.

I've just had a text from my dad asking me to bring their post to them this minute (errr, no) and I've said I can't because I'm sorting the kids dinner, out of town tomorrow through till next week and haven't got the time sadly.

He's got all arsey with me and I'm bloody sick of it. We get more post for them than for us.

Wibu to just return to sender absolutely everything in future?

@Laiste I think if I put my foot down the damage to the relationship is so bad that I'll probably never see him. I think by keeping the current situation going for so long there's always that glimmer of hope that he'll suddenly decide to pop round and spend time with me. Denial to the nth degree.

My dsis (as much as I love her) is a different story. She wasn't living here at the time it all happened. She will, on occasion, collect it and take it over but she avoids going there as much as I do.

They can pay to have a PO Box, you need to step away and refuse to let them use your address anymore.

Fix a particular date each month when they can collect post and stick to it or if you&/or husband is visiting, you can deliver.

He's a mean retired old housebound man. He's not going to have a personality transplant. I'm so sorry you have a shit dad but any damage to the relationship for you giving notice to end an 8 year "temporary" and illegal arrangement is down to him taking offense, not your very reasonable actions.

I agree with pp, give them one month's notice and then return everything to sender.

there's always that glimmer of hope that he'll suddenly decide to pop round and spend time with me

And when is the last time that happened?

What a mess but not your mess OP. This is your dad's mess to sort out . Let him at it. If he wants his post let his partner come and collect it. If she doesn't just RTS like everyone else suggested.

I agree with pp, give them one month's notice and then return everything to sender.
This ^^ It's not your problem. You did them a favour, now they're taking the piss.

Most people who do this get their post send to the post office and go and pick it up twice a week.

www.postoffice.co.uk/mail/poste-restante

He needs to make other arrangements.

It would be one thing if he was polite and reasonable, if he was doing his best to ensure you are not inconvenienced then it would be nice of you to keep his post. But he is not, he is being rude and entitled. Tell him he needs to sort something else out.

That’s an excellent idea Floribunda. OP - tell them to do that as you are finished. I cant believe the bloody cheek that she drives but refuses to come and get it and expects you to walk with the children a 4 mile round trip!!

It's obvious that you need to RTS their mail. As pp said, give them notice and then do it.

Who cares if they get huffy?

Give them 4 weeks notice. This is the ideal time as well. Reply to him and say the arrangement obviously isn't working anymore for either of you and they need to make alternative arrangements commencing 1st of April. After this date you'll RTS

This

You are entitled to write on the envelope that has been delivered to your address; please redirect to, and now put their address on the envelope.
Next time you pass a Royal Mail letter box post the letters In to it, the Royal Mail will now collect the letters and re deliver them to the address you have written on the envelope.
It may help you to get to know your Postman to ask for advice.

Return anything and everything as 'not at this address'. Their post - their problem

Put a note inside each one with their actual address on and to amend the sender's records, cross through your address, turn the letter round so that yours doesn't show (so it won't get sent back to you) and put the return address on the envelope.

Sometimes needs doing more than once but I just put 'Do not send any more mail'. Third time I put, 'Previous requests have been ignored, any further letters will be considered harassment' and then they stop.