Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bottle and cosleeping at 8yo

34 replies

Daffodildainty · 21/02/2019 13:17

My friend still gives her 3 DS of which the eldest is 8 a bottle of milk at night. The 3 DS also co sleep with her while DH is another room. AIBU to think this can’t be psychologically or physically healthy

OP posts:
Auntiepatricia · 21/02/2019 13:19

I wouldn’t do it in a million years. But there are worse things to do.

Chanadhal · 21/02/2019 13:19

Scandalous. How’s her marriage?

CalmDownPacino · 21/02/2019 13:25

I wouldn't do it, I don't think it is healthy for the parents or the children. I assume there are no additional needs though?

Original poster
Daffodildainty · 21/02/2019 13:26

No SNs not sure what DH makes of it

OP posts:
MaMisled · 21/02/2019 13:27

I did exactly that. DC were 3, 4 and 7, for around 2 years. We shared a double bed and they all had warm milk in bottles at bedtime. We all went to bed at 7.30. Analysing this year's later, I was in an unhappy marriage, trying to avoid DHA sexual advances, trying to keep the DC young so I had a purpose, terrified of dealing with the future and having to return to work. Im now married to someone else, all DC extremely well adjusted and we have discussed how things were. No ill effects apparent just memories of a content and loving lifestyle. Your friend may very well be unhappy too.

Louiselouie0890 · 21/02/2019 13:28

As in a baby bottle

Greensleeves · 21/02/2019 13:30

I wouldn't judge, because I don't know enough about the family. There are scenarios in which this would be appropriate - therapeutic parenting of an adopted or traumatised child with attachment issues, for example.

Topseyt · 21/02/2019 13:31

It sounds ludicrous on the face of it.

I was never into co-sleeping anyway so might not be the best judge. Mine were bottle fed from birth, but we did away with the bottles at between a year and 18 months of age.

An eight year old having a bottle is ridiculous.

OvO · 21/02/2019 13:33

The bottle seems mad but the cosleeping I don’t have an issue with. But I would say that as I still share a bed with my 11 year old.

IHateUncleJamie · 21/02/2019 13:34

Wouldn’t milk in a bottle be bad for teeth? —Am middle aged— dd is 18 so v long time since she had a bottle.

What will happen when the dcs go to sleepovers, I wonder? Confused

Original poster
Daffodildainty · 21/02/2019 13:34

MaMisled - so sorry to hear about your previous unhappiness- congratulations on driving positive change for you and your DC

OP posts:
MaMisled · 21/02/2019 13:37

Thankyou Daffodil dainty.

hoge · 21/02/2019 13:38

Let's just hope she isn't on Mumsnet.

crappynamechange · 21/02/2019 13:39

Milk at bedtime - fine, though teeth should be brushed afterwards. Bottle - I wouldn't as not good for teeth I think? Cosleeping - fine, if it works well for everyone.

Yabbers · 21/02/2019 13:41

YABU for judging.

Cookit · 21/02/2019 13:43

Meh, I wouldn’t want to judge the co-sleeping because God knows when mine will grow out of it.
Bottle sounds odd to me but I’ve read posters on here talking about 6 year olds + with dummies. So maybe for some children it’s just what they seem to need?

AcrossthePond55 · 21/02/2019 13:54

I had a cousin who kept her DC in her bed for far too long due to feeling abandoned after her divorce.

They're grown now but both of them do have some issues around this. Mostly because they stayed sleeping in her bed long after they wanted to stop because they didn't want to upset her.

I don't think what your friend is doing is healthy, unless the child has other issues and it's been recommended by a professional. But I wouldn't say anything to her unless she specifically asks.

Pinkbells · 21/02/2019 13:55

Sounds a bit skewed, to say the least.

ittakes2 · 21/02/2019 13:57

It depends on context - my son was on nutramigen (dairy-free formula) and although the formula may have improved now - the only way to take it at the time was in a baby's bottle. Normal cups, sippy cups whatever did not work as the formula went into globbs. Since my son wasn't drinking or eating diary he continued to get the milk until he was about 7 or 8 (under the care of a doctor) - which meant he did once a day have a babies bottle of milk. He's a perfectly fine 12 year old now in grammar school - no harm done. The co-sleeping seems like she is avoiding her husband - but that's for her and him to decide not us.

edwinbear · 21/02/2019 13:59

I think there are far worse things she could be doing as a parent.

stepup123 · 21/02/2019 13:59

It does sound a bit odd, however my dc (12 and 9) sometimes sleep in my bed with me - they ask me, I don't force them. I'm single so there's no dh in another room. I guess that makes me a bit of a hypocrite!

didofido · 21/02/2019 14:05

Milk on the teeth all night is a very bad idea.

CaptainKirksSpookyghost · 21/02/2019 14:15

meh, there are far worse things going on than a mother who presumably is continuing a sleep routine that keeps everyone happy and letting the child lead in when to break it.

Not sure the of the damage being caused to the childs teeth but oh well.

erja · 21/02/2019 14:21

I don't judge the co-sleeping. DP and I co-sleep with our toddler and it works out that he sleeps better when DP isn't in the bed so DP is happy sleeping elsewhere in the house. So long as everyone gets a good night sleep, it doesn't affect our relationship (if anything makes it stronger as we aren't all tired messes!)

I find the milk thing a bit weird but I would try not to judge that either. It's not a bad parenting thing so no reason to judge. I just find the bottle thing a bit strange - if it was all a glass of milk before bed then I wouldn't bat an eyelid, but I find bottles a bit strange!

ineedaholidaynow · 21/02/2019 14:28

The chances are that it is more for the mother's sake than the DC, and that, the eldest especially, may not have much choice. At 8 they could be going on cub camps, school residentials etc. Co-sleeping and bottles will not be helpful for them