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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why women do this to each other?

39 replies

ireallyshouldbeinbedbynow · 15/02/2019 22:45

A bit superficial you might think- but I'm a bit sick of this happening... Why do women criticise other women's physical appearance??? Why would a woman call another woman a 'dog' for example? It would never occur to me to be so rude to another person- I just wanted your thoughts on this- especially if you've ever experienced it- or if you're the kind of person that would do it.
I've read some feminist work on the subject to sort of understand why men do it- Naomi Wolf's The Beauty Myth is a classic reference...I just wanted to know how many women have been brain washed into thinking that we are all in competition with each other....
Sorry. This just upsets me more than it should.

OP posts:
Newadventure · 15/02/2019 22:52

Feeling threatened and with low self esteem.
I used to do this a lot when I was younger and it was because of those reasons anyway.
Very unpleasant and unnecessary (for me as well and the woman who was the victim of my green eyed monster) Sad

GunpowderGelatine · 15/02/2019 23:04

You need new friends OP. I don't know any women who do this. I hear (and see online) A LOT of men criticising women's appearances though.

xsquared · 15/02/2019 23:11

Gunpowder, the op never says that her friends do it to her or anyone but just that it happens.

So you've never heard anyone criticizing say Victoria Beckham for being too thin or not smiling enough Gunpowder? I have seen at least two threads started about her in the past couple of months where mners criticise her appearance.

Original poster
ireallyshouldbeinbedbynow · 15/02/2019 23:17

Except it's not from people I know ! It's from complete strangers! It happened to me again today- and it just got me thinking... Men do it to me aswell- am really beginning to think I must look like a turnip or something to get so much negative attention- why on earth are some people so bothered by the way I look ? Are some people offended by the lack of effort I put in ? Today a girl with - frankly, weird- purple hair started verbally abusing me along with her non-descript bf...I was just minding my own business, doing my shopping at the bloody supermarket ffs... I do wonder why the world has so many messed up people in it. Do wish they spent more on a therapist than on bloody awful hair dye and make up... then perhaps people like me would finally be left alone.

OP posts:
Cookmysock1 · 15/02/2019 23:19

Oh the irony

NotTerfNorCis · 15/02/2019 23:26

Today a girl with - frankly, weird- purple hair started verbally abusing me along with her non-descript bf

Sorry that this happened to you. How on earth did it start, and what did they say? I'm not exactly obsessed with my appearance, but I don't seem to get any remarks.

Original poster
ireallyshouldbeinbedbynow · 15/02/2019 23:26

Oh and by the way- if your dp or dh does this to another woman, in your presence and you join in- then you really need to start questioning
a) why you are with someone who feels the need to abuse women and b) why you feel threatened by that woman...
Basic coffee table psychology but it's true for so many dysfunctional relationships.

OP posts:
Original poster
ireallyshouldbeinbedbynow · 15/02/2019 23:32

Was with dc- who said they liked that person's hair...seriously- a freaking COMPLIMENT from dc- which then led to that girl making fun of me. The world has gone bloody mad.

OP posts:
SheWoreBlueVelvet · 15/02/2019 23:32

Well mostly because we invest quite a lot into grooming, dressing and lookinga certain way.
My friends aren’t bitchy but I know if they don’t comment I’ve got it wrong.

I also don’t know bitchy women. I know a few who will comment but it’s mostly construct criticism than being rude to bring someone down.

FairyMoppings · 15/02/2019 23:33

"Today a girl with - frankly, weird- purple hair started verbally abusing me along with her non-descript bf."

"...messed up people..."

"Do wish they spent more on a therapist than on bloody awful hair dye and make up"

^ do you not see it OP? You're exactly the type of person you're moaning about!

"Basic coffee table psychology but it's true for so many dysfunctional relationships."
Sorry, but you do come across as a bit superior. Maybe you're rubbing people up the wrong way.

needmorepizzainmydiet · 15/02/2019 23:35

I was utterly disgusted once at women absolutely tearing Amanda Holden to shreds on BGT for a low cut dress she wore and commenting on her boobs in a nasty, viscous way. To think women can treat each other that way and comment on something that someone doesn’t even have any control over (other than surgery) is vile.

CJ357119 · 15/02/2019 23:43

Seems to be a thing that women do to women, men do to women but men rarely if at all do it to other men. Slag, dog, ugly bitch, fat cow were all comments heard
at college and School from both girls
And lads. I’ve heard men on works nights out describing women as “all nutters, just different scale of nutters”

I don’t know why women do it to other women. Insecurity? Low self esteem, jealousy?

As for those men doing it to women, I think they just don’t like women very much.

Strange.

Original poster
ireallyshouldbeinbedbynow · 15/02/2019 23:44

To fairymoppings - Not trying to come across as anything- just saying it the way I see things- and how can you 'rub someone up the wrong way' if you don't even speak to them.
The difference with my remarks and theirs is that mine are simply online thoughts in retaliation to what has actually been said to me. I never throw the first stone- but equally I won't be taken for a fool.

OP posts:
Thecritchic · 15/02/2019 23:45

Some women are bullies esp on mn

Therighthonourable · 15/02/2019 23:50

Because there is no sisterhood. Instead of teaming up, we see each other as threats!

A 10/10 looking woman could walk into a bar and almost every women in there will pick out a reason as to why she isn't a 10.

I have understood for a very long time that there will always be women who are more physically attractive than me. It's nothing to take personal, it's not like they can help it? And why should they?

We should appreciate differences in each other and be more accepting.

Team up as sisters rather than draw automatic war boundaries.

WorraLiberty · 15/02/2019 23:52

There's no such thing as 'online thoughts'.

They are your thoughts that you have in your head - you've just typed them online rather than saying them out loud.

So I'm not sure why you're wondering why women 'do this'?

Original poster
ireallyshouldbeinbedbynow · 15/02/2019 23:52

Thecritchic - you're absolutely right. Will think twice about posting here again.

OP posts:
FissionChip5 · 15/02/2019 23:58

am really beginning to think I must look like a turnip or something to get so much negative attention- why on earth are some people so bothered by the way I look?

I can completely relate. Just yesterday I had a group of women commenting (without invite) negatively on my appearance, asking why I don’t wear makeup, certain clothes etc.

It just leaves me feeling HmmConfused

Original poster
ireallyshouldbeinbedbynow · 16/02/2019 00:00

worraliberty - think you should re-read my comment again. Indeed they are my thoughts- and they could be hurtful should I choose to direct them at someone, say, doing their shopping- but the difference between me and purple haired girl is that I didn't say or do anything- this is just my ponderings since what happened...
Anyway...not like I can change people like that. As you were.

OP posts:
Treble9 · 16/02/2019 00:01

Isn't the majority of this forum just women being horrible to, and judging, each other?

Whereareyouspot · 16/02/2019 00:03

What being derogatory like saying someone has weird coloured hair and make up?

OP I was with you until the daft supermarket story and then the irony of oh doing just the same

Women are subject to continuous evaluation and criticism of their physical selves. The methods and manner in which of is done differ between the sexes but women are invariably the object.

Patriarchy.

Thecritchic · 16/02/2019 00:04

Treble9 yes the women on here can be very bitchy in their responses. Not all but some.

Smotheroffive · 16/02/2019 00:06

I can't begin to imagine why someone would just start up an attack on you OP,but you do have to admit the irony Grin

It's completely uncalled for. Especially the name-calling, shocking degrading and insulting.

I dont know. Some do seem to think its alright to just be ignorant and rude.

Like there isn't enough tragedy and hardship in life without all that.

Hope you have a better weekend OP

Smotheroffive · 16/02/2019 00:07

Have to say, I don't think any more highly of it online either, its just as nasty

Asta19 · 16/02/2019 00:07

Um I don’t think this is going to make me sound good at all but I criticise men as much as I criticise women!
Recent case in point. Two guys in a bar I was in with ridiculous hipster beards/moustaches. I just kept looking at them thinking they look so lame and “try hard”. However, these thoughts always do just remain in my own head. I never speak them out loud!