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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder why women do this to each other?

39 replies

ireallyshouldbeinbedbynow · 15/02/2019 22:45

A bit superficial you might think- but I'm a bit sick of this happening... Why do women criticise other women's physical appearance??? Why would a woman call another woman a 'dog' for example? It would never occur to me to be so rude to another person- I just wanted your thoughts on this- especially if you've ever experienced it- or if you're the kind of person that would do it.
I've read some feminist work on the subject to sort of understand why men do it- Naomi Wolf's The Beauty Myth is a classic reference...I just wanted to know how many women have been brain washed into thinking that we are all in competition with each other....
Sorry. This just upsets me more than it should.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 16/02/2019 00:08

Yes but that means they're just more open and honest with their thoughts, but you still have exactly the same thoughts as them if that makes sense?

WorraLiberty · 16/02/2019 00:09

Have to say, I don't think any more highly of it online either, its just as nasty

Exactly!

Original poster

ireallyshouldbeinbedbynow · 16/02/2019 00:15

Oookaaay...really honestly truly not bothered by what anybody else does with their face /hair / body / clothes ffs... my comments about hair and make up were just to paint the picture... love how this forum is just another form of abuse. mn should be more closely monitored.

OP posts:

FissionChip5 · 16/02/2019 00:16

Yes but that means they're just more open and honest with their thoughts, but you still have exactly the same thoughts as them if that makes sense?

Thoughts are different from actions.

Me thinking of slapping someone is not comparable to me actually slapping someone.

Smotheroffive · 16/02/2019 00:20

Perhaps you could point out the abuse OP?

Also, if someone is breaking the TGs report it.

SpiritedLondon · 16/02/2019 00:21

A 10/10 looking woman could walk into a bar and almost every women in there will pick out a reason as to why she isn't a 10

No this is not the case - I often will comment with my friends about how great a woman looks and if I get a chance to tell her in person I will ( particularly if she’s older because you become invisible the older you get). I’m not super attractive myself and a size 16 but generally pretty confident in myself, dress ok and am reasonably clever. If someone ( especially a stranger) chose to comment on my appearance in a negative way I would initially be a bit upset to be fair, but would consider the person shallow / vapid. All they’re doing by commenting negatively is advertising they’re lack of class and brains.

Original poster

ireallyshouldbeinbedbynow · 16/02/2019 00:22

worraliberty...yes let's all be more honest and open with our thoughts...then come back and tell us how all your human relationships are panning out...

OP posts:

Smotheroffive · 16/02/2019 00:23

Agree spirited it is more a reflection of them than those its directed at.

Asta19 · 16/02/2019 00:25

Spirited that’s so nice. I have entered the invisible phase and if you told me I looked nice it would really make my day. What a lovely post.

Thecritchic · 16/02/2019 00:28

OP I have been criticised on here by other MN users and I've hardly been here for a week. The fact that it seems to be mainly other women doing it is disheartening. But dont trust anyone on the interwebs. MN is a good forum for asking for advice and giving/getting it. But if someone is taking the piss report them !!

Original poster

ireallyshouldbeinbedbynow · 16/02/2019 00:30

Things I have learnt: all that matters is how you look....and....no. That's it. Thank you mumsnet!

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 16/02/2019 00:43

worraliberty...yes let's all be more honest and open with our thoughts...then come back and tell us how all your human relationships are panning out...

You've spectacularly missed the point.

The point is, why are you even having these judgemental thoughts about how other women look?

I mean given that you hate that sort of thing? Or do you think it's ok to silently judge other women on their looks?

julensaor · 16/02/2019 01:27

OP stop focusing on the negative comments. A stranger made some derogatory comments about your appearance today. I did my shopping yesterday in Tesco. I had about 10 interactions with people - ordering from the fish counter, moving trolley out of the way, looking for something, someone looking for something and asking me where it was, checkout, bag packer etc. Not once did I think about what the person looked like or made a critical analysis of their hair, clothes, makeup and the like. So it says more about them than you. It is driven from insecurity, the need to bring someone down all the time, to feel better about themselves because they feel like shit. Just be a perfectly lovely person to strangers, we all need a smile, drown out the noise and be above the hits.

Smotheroffive · 16/02/2019 01:39

Well this thread is strange!

Is it an MN bashing thread, is that it's point to turn every post into something its not.

I shall state, as have others, no, disagree with judging other women. Absolutely don't hold with calling other women names and insults, to their face, behind their backs or across the internet.

It's all gross, and it needs to stop.

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