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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To tell in laws I don't want them on holiday

113 replies

Lovelife12345 · 08/01/2019 06:51

So for Christmas I booked for me, my partner and two boys to go Butlin's in October as a suprise Present. I asked my step daughters mum if girls could come and she said no. She would consider it over next week (this was after I then booked) but still adamant she doesn't want them going. So now my MIl, SIL and BIL and wife are all on about gate crashing and coming with us. Booking for the girls and making them come as will make out to the mum we aren't there. My arguement is they never checked with us they have used assumed. And now having been getting sun offer codes to come. Aibu to talk to them Friday and say we don't want them coming or that if they do we will be doing our own thing.

I hate feeling restricted when you go as group because you have to consider what all other families want and Ida stressful. Especially when the nieces are all a pain. We have then also been told they we under no obligation will have to pay for all the girls activities and food. Firstly we wouldn't be eating with them as we have booked the premium food package, secondly who are they to dictate what we spend! Christmas the MIl decided to book for them and my partner when he stayed overnight to go
Cinema and then told him he has to pay taxi home and all snacks and drinks. Again wasn't his choice so he shouldn't be backed into a corner and being made she doesn't no our finances and he lost a days pay to
Stay overnight with girls as had no holiday and giels weren't allowed to stay.

Thing is when we go Butlin's we don't do the extra paid activities like the trampolines at £6 each a time, or the racing at £5 each. We do the activities included and pay for food as the package so don't need to worry about money. Hi family will spend endless amounts on all the extra stuff. So why should we put ourselves in debt to keep up with them and allow the girls to do everything with them when we refuse to pay it for the boys anyways. If we don't we will get a melt down and his family saying we are unfair. Put it this way his brother got married in Abroad and for them as a family of 8 spent £9000 on activities and food! It's obscene what gets spent.

We are going up Friday to see girls and MIl wanted to do a birthday tea for eldest and has now sent me through a bill! Why? Again not our choice of what we were going to do.
What would you say to your MIL as I am
Now seeing more and more on Facebook or them trying to book and get codes. Just angry they never asked to as they put it 'gatecrash' and we are suppose to be happy. Just feeling so backed into a corner. Failing that looking into changing our dates if not
Too expesemivw xx

OP posts:
Doyoumind · 08/01/2019 12:31

Also Ilovemyboys2018

Musicalstatues · 08/01/2019 12:45

I think I’m a pretty rubbish step mum but you make me feel so much better about myself so thanks Grin

FollowYourOwnNorthStar · 08/01/2019 12:47

Here is the list again with the Crossroads18 ilovemykids2018 and myboys2018 added:

25/5/18 - ilovemykids2018
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/stepparenting/3258930-what-do-you-do

28/5/18 - ilovemykids2018
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/parenting/3261588-social-services-help

04/06/18 - Myboys2018
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/stepparenting/3268150-my-partner-and-his-kids

08/06/18 - Myboys2018
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/parenting/3272298-let-down-by-social-service

09/06/18 - Myboys2018
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/stepparenting/3273160-sd-will-only-see-dad-if-he-buys-something

14/06/18 - Myboys2018
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/stepparenting/3278160-unreasonable-ex-wife

24/06/18 - Crossroads18
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/what_would_you_do/3286993-relationship-advice

24/06/18 - Crossroads18
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/stepparenting/3286979-school-holidays

31/06/18 - Crossroads18
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/stepparenting/3322911-visits

02/07/18 - Crossroads18
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/stepparenting/3294748-money

03/07/18 - Crossroads18
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/3295462-money-vs-love?pg=1&order=

18/07/18 - Crossroads18
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/stepparenting/3310177-do-you-buy-for-the-ex

19/07/18 - Crossroads18
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/stepparenting/3311249-holidays

02/08/18 - Crossroads18
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/childrens_health/3324435-dla-eczema

10/08/18 - Crossroads18
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/3331965-tax-credits

15/8/18 -Stepparentchallenges
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/stepparenting/3336549-help-me-please-i-m-losing-sleep

7/9/18 - Stepparentchallenges
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/3358290-will-and-leaving-children

17/09/18 - Stepparentchallenges
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/stepparenting/3367797-complicated-advice-needed

19/09/18 - Stepparentchallenges
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/stepparenting/3369824-ex-wife-problems

04/10/18 - Stepparentchallenges
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/potty_training/3384517-sofa-smells

12/10/18 - Stepparentchallenges
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/3392670-wages-help

13/10/18 - Stepparentchallenges
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/childrens_health/3393779-1-year-old-sick-help

8/11/18 - Lovelife12345
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/credit_crunch/3418415-moving-and-referencing

18/11/18 - Lovelife12345
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/cars/3427076-car-insurance-help

22/11/18 - Lovelife12345
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/sleep/3430943-i-am-in-desperate-need-of-sleep

25/11/18 - Lovelife12345
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/stepparenting/3433603-birthdays-and-visits?pg=1&order=

07/12/18 - Lovelife12345
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/3445346-uc-questions-assessment-periods

14/12/18 - Lovelife12345
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/sleep/3450945-sleepinh-tablets-toddler

15/12/18 - Lovelife12345
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/stepparenting/3452389-aibu-to-be-upset

20/12/18 - Lovelife12345
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/3456819-tax-credits-to-universal-credit-final-payment-assessment

23/12/18 - Lovelife12345
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/divorce_separation/3459054-where-to-start

8/1/19 - Lovelife12345
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3472921-to-tell-in-laws-i-don-t-want-them-on-holiday?pg=1

Stickystickystickstick · 08/01/2019 12:56

Hooray, she is back! I think your "DP" should tell MIL he is not prepared to pay for his DC (as you have already booked premium dining 🙄 and clearly have no interest in attempting to accomodating your SDs in any way shape or form)

I think you are jealous of your SDs and also your DPs neices because the holiday is not revolving around your DC - but hopefully you will all.enjoy your family holiday abroad - paid for by your parents of course - without a second thought for your SDs.

When will you start listening to the responses you are getting instead of continuing to post such nonsense in an attempt to get everyone on your side and effectivley exclude your SDs and condone your DPs apparent lack of parenting?

PerpendicularVincent · 08/01/2019 13:03

OP, you and your DP are a disgrace.

When the girls are older they'll want nothing to do with either of you and rightly so.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 08/01/2019 13:05

I would love the girls mum to come on here or even the paternal grandmother to give their side of this sorry story.

7yo7yo · 08/01/2019 13:05

I wish you and you twatty partner would piss of.
He’s a shit parent and you enable him.
I feel sorry for the girls and their mother. Looks like your lovely mil has the measure of him.

IHateUserName · 08/01/2019 13:08

Is this OP a troll?? I've read some of the previous threads PP have linked & I really hope she's a troll. Interesting how she never gets angry or upset at the loads of (deserved) criticism but just keeps on & on with her nonsensical self-justifying posts.

KC225 · 08/01/2019 13:19

I am not familiar with your previous postings but if the holiday is in October and full paid for surely you can budget for some activities for all the children to do.

If recently you had absorb a £100.00 loss due your DP's 'tiredness' then saving some extra cash should be shouldn't be too difficult. £10.00 per month until September should be manageable, that will net £90.00. £48.00 on two activities per day for all four children. Then you have £42.00 to cover the girls food. Sorted. It will be fun.

InSightMars · 08/01/2019 13:24

Let’s see. You offered to take the girls, right? So, in effect, you must still have the money you were prepared to pay to take them with you. You can use that money to fund the extras for them and for your own children since you now won’t be paying for their accommodation. That way you’ll be contributing to a holiday for them just as you originally intended to. I mean you did intend to take them, right? It wasn’t just an empty offer because you knew the answer would be no, was it?

7yo7yo · 08/01/2019 13:34

Op doesn’t appear to be a troll but pops up occasionally to tell us all how bad and mean her other half’s ex and the mother of his children is but he’s a shit parent and she enables his uselessness.
Have a browse through some of the other threads but it makes you very cross.

HopeMumsnet · 08/01/2019 13:34

Hi there,
We will be suspending this thread shortly as we don't believe it is doing the OP any good to continue to post these threads.

HerondaleDucks · 08/01/2019 13:34

On the last thread we all told you not to book it until you'd spoken to their mum and you said if I remember rightly that you would book it and then if their mum agreed you would pay extra to have them added on. I see this thread as a solution to that issue and I don't understand why you have a problem with it. You spent ages moaning your MIL didn't spend enough time with your darling boys. This is problem solved.

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