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Unreasonable ex wife

(18 Posts)
Myboys2018 Thu 14-Jun-18 19:51:27

My partners ex wife is so unreasonable. She wants him to have contact blah blah and then shuts him down.

She hasn't been letting the kids stay since Christmas as she felt them travelling 2 hours to stay and then to home was disruptive to school and apparently their behaviour was horrible when they went home as the wanted to live with daddy. Plus she gets more csa once we finally went to them. His eldest daughter is away on camp this weekend, his youngest won't go with him unless he buys her toys and does big extravagant days out. I asked the ex wife as a surprise if I could pick the youngest up Friday after school with dp and we have her the weekend for Father's Day. I explained I would have her for a few hours the Sunday whilst
Dp was working (hence why he couldn't
Go on eldest camp) and we would then collect eldest from camp and have dinner out before taking home. Her answer was no as it disrupts school, he hasnt bought toys recently for the kids, he couldn't make one weekend as he was ill, he won't pay her extra maintenance, because he isn't taking them on holiday, because he's a good step dad to my son and our son together. Believe he lied last weekend he was due to go up and see them and didn't, because he can't rake holiday from work
To have them school holidays but he finishes at 1pm so I would have them mornings and he afternoons.

So this weekend trains are all
Over the place and instead of two trains up there it would have been 3 trains and a bus, which taking our 10month old wouldn't be fun whilst I have to work. And there is no family that can have him aswell as my 3 year old my mum can't have both and my dad is on call at the fire station. So dp asked if instead of the Saturday we drove up the Friday picker her up from school, had dinner and visited family or Drove up after work Sunday, picked eldest up from camp and we all go out for dinner and visit his dad. Both days would mean we would have seen them for 5 hours which is same amount of time
If he went the Saturday. She has now had a massive rant at him again. Why can't she ever just be reasonable. She has got friends watching our facebooks and reporting back what we do with the boys etc as she has just had a go at us for booking tickets to the theatre for my eldest sons birthday and my birthday instead of a party. And because his mum came and stayed and visited us. She isn't making any of this easy.

OP’s posts: |
Oswin Thu 14-Jun-18 19:57:42

Another thread shagging off his ex? We can all remember your other threads. Your fella is a shit dad. Of course she will get mad if he changed arangements, seeing as he fucked off for months without seeing them.
Your jab about her being about not taking his kids on holiday. Dont forget to mention that hes going away with your kids, this year and next.
Oh and his daughter sleeps on a fucking landing at your house.

Neither of you would be anywhere near my child.

ElChan03 Thu 14-Jun-18 20:11:12

I'm all for supporting step mum's and difficult situations but you've made several threads now and the one resounding fact is your dp let's those kids down.
He needs to prove himself to the mother of his children. Not have you keep whinging about it.

somuchunanswered Thu 14-Jun-18 21:22:24

You’ve posted yourself and told us he lied to her about why he couldn’t see them the week he was sick (plus you didn’t believe he was sick), and how another weekend you had to convince him to see his kids rather than have a night out with you. And that’s there tip of the iceberg. Yet, she’s unreasonable?? Okay then.

He’s shit and you love it, because you get to play happy families with your DS and his baby.

takeittakeit Thu 14-Jun-18 22:10:19

This is an example of a mother quite rightly stepping up and safe guarding her children and so she should on the information you have supplied us with.

I do not agree with any parent preventing access to the other parent.

However, there are some exceptions - abuse safety, neglect by one parent and your partner hits so many triggers

You hit every safety concern

moodance Thu 14-Jun-18 22:50:13

Sorry OP I am not convinced that the ex is the issue here.

I think you need to take a deep breath and look at the hard cold facts.

I think a court order is required here .. and I don't buy the fact that your DP isn't wanting to go to court because of conflict or it will drag up the past. If the DP is the victim you make out ... the court will see it and grant the order.

Chunkyetfunky Thu 14-Jun-18 22:57:51

Op i came across this and have read and had to re-read because I wasn’t sure if I wasn’t understanding what you were saying or the point you was trying to make I don’t think it’s the ex that’s being unfair!!, you should look closer to home (or the mirror) a man that isn’t loyal to his children isn’t loyal to anyone not that you care the girls are out of the way and you can have him all to yourself

Oswin Thu 14-Jun-18 23:02:56

The worst of it is, you dont care that hes an awful dad to his girls. Because he is good to your children. And he visited them when you had a break. I think you think that means he loves you all more. Its very sad. Because he will do it to you.

Chunkyetfunky Thu 14-Jun-18 23:10:42

^^ what oswin said,

LunaTrap Fri 15-Jun-18 10:11:31

Well said Oswin. OP it's like you forget you have started several threads detailing what a shit Dad your partner is to his daughters. You even planned a baby with him after knowing him 5 months at a time he hadn't bothered seeing his existing kids for months. Maybe acknowledge that you turned a blind eye to his neglect and that you chose badly, instead of trying to come up with more and more ridiculous ways to blame the ex who is actually there raising these girls after your partner moved away and decided it was out of sight out of mind.

And btw like hell would I let my kids sleep over where they were given a sleeping bag on the landing whilst his girlfriends kid literally sleeps in a castle.

Myboys2018 Fri 15-Jun-18 10:30:25

Yes I have posted in the past, but things can change. And I am trying to be a better step parent. I am reminding dp every night to ring the girls and I am also speaking to them aswell when he rings, I have spoken to my work and I will be taking one Saturday of every two months to go up with him, as the business can't cope monthly until we get more staff.

We haven't added them to our abroad holiday next year but I have priced up and speaking to his family about sorting a holiday to Butlins or something for September next year. Some of his family are going to be gifting money towards their tickets for christmas and my family are gifting towards the boys tickets. So we have now only got to find £250 for us to go which is do able and we will be going. We are going to be buying all 4 kids less crap for Christmas anyways this year and will be explaining the value of money more.

Sleeping wise we will be buying some fold up camp beds when they are allowed to stay again and they will have the baby's room whilst down and we will put him in a travel
Cot in our bedroom. Although the eldest is kicking off because she still wants her little secluded room next to the landing so we are trying to compromise with her. And they know with regards to buying them gifts we will as and when we do the boys, but we will be doing it for rewarding with school aswell to try and help them
To behave better for their mum.

This weekend dp wanted to swap his day not cancel his day, purely because he wanted them Father's Day. There is no harm
In that and I feel whatever they circumstance she shouldn't begrudge just swapping the day. He is still going up as planned.

We are making every effort this end, yet she is still not trying to cooperate. I really feel dp should look at court order but I just don't know how amicable she will be. I even said to her that we wouldn't notify csa if we had the girls overnight again so
She wouldn't lose the extra £8 odd a week.

I spoke to dp about the last weekend, as did his mum. He is struggling on the train with taking the baby and as no one can have him. He has also realised he needs to start putting money aside to learn to drive so at least he could
Drive up.

As much as yes it can be a inconvenience I knew he had the kids and I have to suck it up that some weeks we go without etc and he needs to put them first at times. I have had a lot go on in this last year, especially with some close family memebers and maybe I have been selfish with the amount we have needed him. But I am not responsible for his choices in gambling or lack of contact before we got together.

I am simply asking for advice on what to do now as another step forward into sorting this, not everyone on high pedestals. I'm sure everyone in this group has made bad choices or Decisions at times and mistakes even with their own kids none of us are perfect.

OP’s posts: |
LunaTrap Fri 15-Jun-18 11:42:17

Well a week ago he lied that he hurt his leg so he didn't have to go and see his kids so maybe the 'effort' needs a bit longer before his ex takes it seriously.

Snappedandfarted2018 Fri 15-Jun-18 13:04:37

Oh god your back again. You have some balls to complain about your dh ex. You treat this girls appalling! YOUR DH moved 2hours away and struggles to get the train with the baby! Are you not able to look after the baby so he can get the train, he moves he makes the journey to get them! You go abroad and his dd get a holiday in butlins paid with Christmas money off his extended family! biscuit no wonder his ex won’t let them sleep you have inadequate sleeping arrangements.

laloup1 Fri 15-Jun-18 13:10:06

@snappedandfarted love the new username!!

Snappedandfarted2018 Fri 15-Jun-18 13:20:01

laloup1grin thankyou

moodance Fri 15-Jun-18 13:24:35

@Snappedandfarted2018 .... I howled at that post yesterday... 😂

Snappedandfarted2018 Fri 15-Jun-18 13:40:06

moodance I was in bed with dh still laughing later on. Someone already got the snapper&farted name so I had to opt for the 2018 on the end.

moodance Fri 15-Jun-18 16:50:03

@Snappedandfarted2018 😂😂😂

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