Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

To tell in laws I don't want them on holiday

113 replies

Lovelife12345 · 08/01/2019 06:51

So for Christmas I booked for me, my partner and two boys to go Butlin's in October as a suprise Present. I asked my step daughters mum if girls could come and she said no. She would consider it over next week (this was after I then booked) but still adamant she doesn't want them going. So now my MIl, SIL and BIL and wife are all on about gate crashing and coming with us. Booking for the girls and making them come as will make out to the mum we aren't there. My arguement is they never checked with us they have used assumed. And now having been getting sun offer codes to come. Aibu to talk to them Friday and say we don't want them coming or that if they do we will be doing our own thing.

I hate feeling restricted when you go as group because you have to consider what all other families want and Ida stressful. Especially when the nieces are all a pain. We have then also been told they we under no obligation will have to pay for all the girls activities and food. Firstly we wouldn't be eating with them as we have booked the premium food package, secondly who are they to dictate what we spend! Christmas the MIl decided to book for them and my partner when he stayed overnight to go
Cinema and then told him he has to pay taxi home and all snacks and drinks. Again wasn't his choice so he shouldn't be backed into a corner and being made she doesn't no our finances and he lost a days pay to
Stay overnight with girls as had no holiday and giels weren't allowed to stay.

Thing is when we go Butlin's we don't do the extra paid activities like the trampolines at £6 each a time, or the racing at £5 each. We do the activities included and pay for food as the package so don't need to worry about money. Hi family will spend endless amounts on all the extra stuff. So why should we put ourselves in debt to keep up with them and allow the girls to do everything with them when we refuse to pay it for the boys anyways. If we don't we will get a melt down and his family saying we are unfair. Put it this way his brother got married in Abroad and for them as a family of 8 spent £9000 on activities and food! It's obscene what gets spent.

We are going up Friday to see girls and MIl wanted to do a birthday tea for eldest and has now sent me through a bill! Why? Again not our choice of what we were going to do.
What would you say to your MIL as I am
Now seeing more and more on Facebook or them trying to book and get codes. Just angry they never asked to as they put it 'gatecrash' and we are suppose to be happy. Just feeling so backed into a corner. Failing that looking into changing our dates if not
Too expesemivw xx

OP posts:
Penguincake · 08/01/2019 10:03

Any links to ops previous posts?

user1457017537 · 08/01/2019 10:04

Your MIL sounds great at least she is prioritising her DS’s daughter’s and making up for you both being so unkind to them.

howdyholdthedoody · 08/01/2019 10:05

Did you get a good offer on a broom cupboard at butlins? Cause isn't that what stepdaughters sleep in at your house anyway?

RomanyRoots · 08/01/2019 10:07

Some people don't deserve kids. Sad

LtJudyHopps · 08/01/2019 10:07

In some of your past threads you say you have one boy, your DH has one girl. Then two of each?
Then another you say you can barely afford to live because of CSA but you’ve got a two week AI holiday booked AND another holiday in the UK??
Another you say you have really old cars that you’re scared could break down - then another one says you have a 4 year old Zafira!
Think you need to work on keeping your stories consistent...
Obviously the mother doesn’t want you to take the girls as you’re so mean to them! Not allowed to do anything that isn’t included in the price, having to eat cold sausage rolls at a soft play for a birthday treat...

nonetcurtains · 08/01/2019 10:08

?? What have I missed? Who is it?

user1457017537 · 08/01/2019 10:08

Agree Romany and I can’t understand why their dad lets her get away with it

Lovelife12345 · 08/01/2019 10:09

@TheSerenDipitY
We wanted to take them, as I booked it as a suprise Christmas present with my tips. She said no so now budgeted it around it being 4 of us! If his mum is choosing to take them she should pay not tell us we now have to:
He is reducing hours because of my new job position however CSA payments won't be going down. I will pay it out my wages buy makes sense for him to work less as he's unreliable staying in work: last week he was too tired and we lost £100 nearly from
His wages towards bills as he didn't work. The cinema he wasn't taking them too: she booked it for them all as thought it would be nice and then expected him to pay for everything there and taxi home. Her choice not his he was going to take them to visit his dad.

@Godowneasy whenever we visit and asked them where they want to go they always say soft play. We asked her for her birthday and she was happy to go soft play as she asked mummy but mummy wouldn't take her. She is still quite immature with some stuff so I put it down to this, I didn't like softplay at her age but some
Do.

OP posts:
howdyholdthedoody · 08/01/2019 10:10

nonetcurtains she's posted under various names. She has two sons who have their own rooms (I think one sleeps in a castle? 😂) and two stepdaughters who essentially sleep in a cupboard, a useless DP who was addicted to fizzy drinks and fakes injury so he doesn't have to go and see his kids and they bemoan every penny they have to spend on stepdaughters

HerondaleDucks · 08/01/2019 10:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

GhostSauce · 08/01/2019 10:17

I knew this was going to be you.

FrancisCrawford · 08/01/2019 10:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oswin · 08/01/2019 10:18

So this lazy prick cost you 100 pound. Yet we all know you won't get rid. Because then you would have to admit you and your kids aren't special when he fucks you all off too.

LtJudyHopps · 08/01/2019 10:19

Lol this gem of a man can’t afford to pay for his two girls so had two more... and doesn’t bother to wake up for work? It beggars belief. Those poor girls at least their paternal nan gives a crap about them.

FrancisCrawford · 08/01/2019 10:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

howdyholdthedoody · 08/01/2019 10:20

Also posted as stepparentchallenges in the past if people want background to this horrendous situation 🙄

FollowYourOwnNorthStar · 08/01/2019 10:20

Here are some old links to previous threads (and different usernames):

15/8/18 -stepparentchallenges
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/stepparenting/3336549-help-me-please-i-m-losing-sleep

7/9/18 - Stepparentchallenges
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/3358290-will-and-leaving-children

25/11/18 - Lovelife12345
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/stepparenting/3433603-birthdays-and-visits?pg=1&order=

FrancisCrawford · 08/01/2019 10:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LtJudyHopps · 08/01/2019 10:23

Oh apologies I kept seeing “boys” so assumed.

SaturdayNext · 08/01/2019 10:25

Now saying next year she won't have the boys at all if we go abroad again. Just Frustrating who does she think she is.

She thinks she's a grandparent who is under no obligation to offer free babysitting to facilitate her son's holiday abroad. And she' right.

TheSerenDipitY · 08/01/2019 10:29

im sure its a great comfort to the girls that his new family is doing so well Smile
i do so hope the girls mother is a mumsnet user and keeps copies of all this bullshit

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 08/01/2019 10:31

I can't imagine either staying with a man who I thought was basically too useless to hold down a job, or treating children so badly.

Blatant favouritism is damaging to more than just the less favoured children (although they will certainly be damaged by it). It damages the whole family and your sons will eventually realise what you are doing. I'm afraid I have no real advice to give, because you are frankly such a nightmare that nothing anyone says will penetrate your hideous attitude.

SaturdayNext · 08/01/2019 10:32

It's more sense for me to earn it than he as I am more reliable at staying at work

He has responsibility for four children. How on earth has he managed not to become reliable at the basic task of providing for his children? Not going in to work because he is "too tired" is utterly ridiculous. Why didn't you boot him out of bed, OP?

Gazelda · 08/01/2019 10:33

If your DP wasn't such a lazy, inadequate excuse for a father, he'd be able to afford cinema trips, popcorn, school shoes, full size McDonald's for his DD rather than insisting she has a Happy Meal, trips to theme parks etc
Do you think he's a good father to his children?

HiHoToffee · 08/01/2019 10:35

The one before this latest on, explains a bit more about the holiday and Christmas.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/stepparenting/3452389-aibu-to-be-upset

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread