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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be jealous of BF's cousin?

33 replies

PrincessPlummy · 29/12/2018 18:03

My BF of about year is halfway across the world for Xmas with his family. We had a bit of a rough patch before he left, although we left things on a positive note. The thing is he's got really close to a (female) 2nd cousin who he didn't know well before. He keeps mentioning how great she is, and I've seen social media pics - she is absolutely stunning (a lot more beautiful than me tbh).

They've been spending one on one time together, including when drunk, and he's also been acting as a shoulder to cry on her during relationship troubles. I know it's ridiculous but I feel a bit threatened, and I keep getting insecure that maybe he has feelings for her or prefers her to me. I think I feel worse because his only friends back home are other men. AIBU in feeling this way?

OP posts:
Outwards · 29/12/2018 18:10

Are you genuinely worried something is going on or do you think it's more to do with your self esteem?

You mention the bad patch - was this due to jealousy issues at all?

Singlenotsingle · 29/12/2018 18:15

Well there's not much you can do about it, is there? So no point worrying. Not very helpful, I know, but ce sera sera. What will be, will be. Good luck.

allisonpeters · 29/12/2018 18:18

Is your OH the type to maintain a romantic relationship with his second cousin? Or is his affection towards her purely familial?

Original poster
PrincessPlummy · 29/12/2018 18:24

Outwards I'm not sure... I think it's a self esteem thing but I'm really not sure. No, our rough patch was about him sharing the emotional labour of the relationship, which he has committed to working on.

allisonpeters I'm really not sure. It seems an outlandish thought to me, but he doesn't know her well and he's a fairly open minded guy...

OP posts:
allisonpeters · 29/12/2018 18:27

Does he have any other family members around? Or is it just her?

Lifeisabeach09 · 29/12/2018 18:33

I'm guessing he isn't close to this cousin so may perceive her as non-family. He is bound to be attracted to her.
Yeah, I'd be wary too.
Go out for drinks with friends and flirt with some (hot) men. Be sure to post on Facebook.

formerbabe · 29/12/2018 18:35

Well, if he isn't attracted to her and it's all innocent, then fab!

If he fancies her and/or something is going on...then consider it a lucky escape!

Original poster
PrincessPlummy · 29/12/2018 18:39

allisonpeters others have been around but they've spent a lot of time together

Lifeisabeach09 Yep they aren't close to each other but have got to know each other this holiday. Eeeek do you really think so?? He's mentioned her a fair bit to me, so I can't tell if that's a bad or good sign... I wouldn't think he'd be the type to cheat though Xmas Sad

OP posts:
SuchAToDo · 29/12/2018 18:40

If the cousin wasn't attractive or young, would you still view her as a threat?...if no , then maybe you are seeing more than is there...she is his family member, family can be close and be a shoulder to lean on...if you ask him to choose between you (his gf) and his family member, you may get a shock when he chooses the family member, ...so don't overreact about this... if he was up to anything do you think he would post pictures where you could see them?

ViolaLucyofTirol · 29/12/2018 18:41

Oh bloody no don't go and flirt with randoms and post it...

PositiveVibez · 29/12/2018 18:44

What do you mean 'emotional labour of the relationship'?

That sounds like some pretty heavy shit and a year into a relationship should still be honeymoon phase period.

Lemoneeza · 29/12/2018 18:46

I would be worried, but as a pp said not a lot you can do.
Try and keep yourself occupied and avoid Facebook as much as is possible.

Original poster
PrincessPlummy · 29/12/2018 18:47

PositiveVibez Sorry that was probably bad phrasing on my part! We have been very honeymoonish, I was just getting a bit frustrated because he is super disorganised, and I felt like he left a lot of it to me. I sometimes feel I'm 'carrying the load' a bit so to speak and just wanted some equal participation

OP posts:
Lemoneeza · 29/12/2018 18:48

Agree with @PositiveVibez.

Is it less than a year OP? How long exactly?

Shoxfordian · 29/12/2018 18:48

Do you really think he's into incest? If so then she's not the problem....

HopefullyAnonymous · 29/12/2018 18:49

It’s not incest 🙄

Original poster
PrincessPlummy · 29/12/2018 18:51

Lemoneeza 11 months. I mean it was our first proper argument in our relationship and while it was tricky it didn't feel super heavy, but I've not had much relationship experience so I'm not sure what's the norm...

OP posts:
Original poster
PrincessPlummy · 29/12/2018 19:00

SuchAToDo He has instagram but it's private and I don't have an account...

OP posts:
Santaclarita · 29/12/2018 19:09

To be honest, would you really want a guy that wants to have sex with his cousin, no matter how distantly related?

If he does it, consider yourself lucky you found out and run.

Original poster
PrincessPlummy · 29/12/2018 19:11

Santaclarita 100% if he had done it I would break up with him. The trouble is I have no concrete evidence indicating he has, only these nagging feelings that something may have happened, and I'm struggling to separate my gut instincts from my insecurities

OP posts:
fizzthecat1 · 29/12/2018 19:13

Sorry but that's absolutely rank on their part if they are. They're related. I know they aren't first cousins but second cousins still share 3.13% DNA!

flossietoot · 29/12/2018 19:15

I think it is incest- they must share a great grandparent to be first cousins. They will both be the children of first cousins.

HopefullyAnonymous · 29/12/2018 19:25

Incest is an immediate relative - parent/sibling/grandparent. You can legally marry your cousin...

Kay2705 · 29/12/2018 19:51

This is a bit crazy I have to say. Do you really want to be with someone who you think is possibly getting off with their cousin?

Original poster
PrincessPlummy · 29/12/2018 20:13

Kay2705 my issue is I don't know I've a created a whole potential situation in my head....

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