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Original poster

Christmas gift dilemma.

44 replies

Ethel36 · 14/12/2018 13:15

My brother messaged me yesterday saying that he isn't buying christmas presents for my children anymore. I honestly don't mind this. I just feel that he has given me very little notice as I've already bought his childrens presents! Although these could quite easily become some of my childrens birthday presents for next year! So my dilemma is this... do I still give his children the presents or just end it? I think it would be a shame for some children in the family to miss out. It would' nt feel fair to only gift to the other niece & nephews. But my husband said my gifts might embarrass my brother, because he wanted to end the whole gift exchange. What would you do?

OP posts:
woolduvet · 14/12/2018 13:18

Get them a selection box if you can't give nothing and keep it return the gifts.

woolduvet · 14/12/2018 13:19

Keep or return

Sparkletastic · 14/12/2018 13:20

Keep or return.

user1493413286 · 14/12/2018 13:22

Keep them; unless you’re all exchanging gifts on the same day and his children would literally see their cousins getting presents when they don’t

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 14/12/2018 13:22

any reason why he is stopping giving presents, how old are you children and his?

Sammy867 · 14/12/2018 13:25

I would get a selection box anyway and wrap the presents and put them in the car. If they’re looking really upset if your kids are getting presents and they aren’t I’d simply say “oh, I forgot yours are in the car” and go get them. I’d rather have an upset brother than upset children at Christmas. If they seem fine I’d keep them for others next year instead. It’s be easy enough to unwrap them.

AlpacaPicnic · 14/12/2018 13:28

I'd assume he doesn't want to exchange gifts at all, so keep the gifts for your DCs or for birthday gifts for their friends.

Keep them wrapped up in the paper just in case you get caught out by a surprise gift though...

5foot5 · 14/12/2018 13:28

I wouldn't give out presents when he has explicitly saying that he is stopping. That would probably make him feel awkward and you could look a bit PA.

Having said that, how blooming thoughtless not to announce his intention until mid-December! Surely most people have done the bulk of their Christmas shopping now?

ShartGoblin · 14/12/2018 13:32

I agree with your husband, it would embarrass him. It's annoying that he's left it so late but it's likely that he planned on buying them and finances just got away from him.

Original poster
Ethel36 · 14/12/2018 13:41

He didn't give a reason but it's absolutely fine with me. I like the idea of selection boxes, so that they will have a little something from us. I dont like to see any children left out. Thanks all.

OP posts:
jessstan2 · 14/12/2018 13:43

Don't give your brother's children the presents, either keep or return. Make sure they have really lovely, personalised cards.

It's not unusual for aunts and uncles, cousins etc, to stop buying as the children get older. When they have milestone birthdays you can treat them then.

Original poster
Ethel36 · 14/12/2018 13:48

Absolutely agree with your post.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ethel36 · 14/12/2018 13:49

Absolutely agree with your post 5foot5.

OP posts:
Purpleartichoke · 14/12/2018 13:57

I would not have children opening Christmas gifts in front of children receiving nothing. That means your kids shouldn’t have to watch their cousins open gifts. So if you get the cousins gifts, I would also give your children something at the same event.

Leeds2 · 14/12/2018 14:25

I would keep the gifts, and not buy something small like a selection box because even a small gift will embarrass/annoy your brother.

I would also check with him whether he wants to stop giving birthday presents too. If he wants to continue, the presents will probably do for nephews/nieces next birthdays.

EdtheBear · 14/12/2018 14:33

How old are the children?
Is it a one off hard year financially, will his kids get little at Christmas?

If he wants to end it because of too much stuff / kids too big. Then you end it too.
If its financial I'd still give.

I do think you need to give kids prior warning. As a younger sibling and one of the younger cousins i recall my complaints that my sibling and older cousins got until they were x old im only y. Its not fair, us younger siblings were listen to and gifts stopped at 16Smile

user139328237 · 14/12/2018 14:35

How old are the respective children?
If yours are young adults and his are still primary age you had a lot of years where you didn't have to buy them presents when he was buying yours presents. I never understand why people think presents should stop in the same year for all of the generation even if there is 20 plus years age gap between the eldest and youngest.

Sl33py · 14/12/2018 14:39

I’m shocked at everyone’s reaction.

Definitely give the presents you have bought. It’s not fair on his children.

If he isn’t buying presents maybe it’s because they can’t afford it this year. Maybe he would be grateful that his children will still be getting presents as they can’t afford many.

Where has the true meaning of Christmas gone. You do not buy a present so that you receive one back. You buy a present because you WANT to.

Original poster
Ethel36 · 14/12/2018 14:50

@user139328237
Good point. Mine are little and at primary school. His are teenagers now. I've always bought for his, I've never expected anything from him. It was nice when he did buy for mine but not necessary.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ethel36 · 14/12/2018 14:51

@Leeds2
Never thought about birthdays. I will ask him about the birthdays.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ethel36 · 14/12/2018 14:55

@Purpleartichoke
We won't be opening presents together. Usually visit all the childrens cousins and give them their presents around about now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ethel36 · 14/12/2018 14:58

@EdtheBear
Yes I have explained to my children not to expect anything. I told them that, I don't know why but maybe he doesnt have enough money. They are fine with it.

OP posts:
LizB62A · 15/12/2018 14:59

Yes I have explained to my children not to expect anything

So don't give his (older) children anything.
That's what your brother is expecting, and giving his children presents/selection boxes might upset your children surely? (especially if your children are much younger)

WhoGivesADamnForAFlakeyBandit · 15/12/2018 15:10

Perhaps his partner has just asked him what he's got for his family members and reminded him that it's not her responsibility?

DisplayPurposesOnly · 15/12/2018 15:14

I'd explain I'd already bought the presents and would be happy to give them if he's OK with that.

If he wasn't OK with that, then I'd keep or return.

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