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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Christmas gift dilemma.

44 replies

Ethel36 · 14/12/2018 13:15

My brother messaged me yesterday saying that he isn't buying christmas presents for my children anymore. I honestly don't mind this. I just feel that he has given me very little notice as I've already bought his childrens presents! Although these could quite easily become some of my childrens birthday presents for next year! So my dilemma is this... do I still give his children the presents or just end it? I think it would be a shame for some children in the family to miss out. It would' nt feel fair to only gift to the other niece & nephews. But my husband said my gifts might embarrass my brother, because he wanted to end the whole gift exchange. What would you do?

OP posts:

Reallybadidea · 15/12/2018 15:55

We never used to get presents actually picked by my aunts and uncles because we generally didn't see them over Christmas, so my mum and dad would buy us something from them and they would do the same. Why not see whether your brother wants to do something similar? And then you could just give those presents to your own children.

trojanpony · 16/12/2018 00:00

Mine are little and at primary school. His are teenagers now.

It’s not what you’ve asked but...
Your brother is a bit of a dick.

Presents were fine as long as his kids were on the receiving end but now his are older you have to explain to primary school children why their uncle won’t bother getting them a gift

He’d be getting short shrift from me...

I’d also not bother with the selection box.

stiffstink · 16/12/2018 00:07

We had similar in our family to one of the PPs - one family member decided after 10s of years of gifts to their multiple kids that it was too expensive to reciprocate for their siblings first child!

It was all very Christmassy when no one bought gifts for anyone else’s kids 🤔

Iloveacurry · 16/12/2018 00:13

Keep the gifts for your own children. Saves any embarrassment.

7yo7yo · 16/12/2018 00:14

@trojanpony
Totally agree.

2isabella2 · 16/12/2018 00:25

As his are older and yours younger I'd stop too unless there are extenuating circumstances like illness/poverty.

We have decided to stop buying for nieces and nephews at 18 and hope the family will follow suit. We have a lot of nieces and nephews!

greenlynx · 16/12/2018 00:31

I would keep presents for your own children. You did presents to his kids until they became teenagers and now he suggested to stop? It sounds like he doesn’t want to do this rather than can’t afford this. You could do something very cheap for a small child.

ScottyDog7 · 16/12/2018 00:53

I'd just tell him the truth. That it's fine, but since it's late notice you already have presents for his DC. I'd feel mean having bought presents for children (even if they are teens) and then not giving them because their DF is a bit shit about planning or having a grumble.

Stripyhoglets1 · 16/12/2018 01:02

He's a bit cheeky having had presents for his now teenagers from you for years but isn't going to reciprocate whilevyours are still young! I'd not give them the presents you've got and either return or keep them for your own children and maybe get them some chocolate if you will actually be seeing them at Christmas

Lovingbenidorm · 16/12/2018 01:08

This made me laugh!
A few years ago we pitched up at friends on Christmas Eve with presents for the whole family.
Mum,dad, kids, mum in-laws, the lot.
We were given a book token for our youngest.
As we were leaving DH says “have you got the presents?” (Pissed)
“Yes darling, get in the taxi”
“Where’s the presents?”
“I’ve got them, get in the taxi!”
All the while waving and yelling merry Christmas
“Ican’t see any presents”
“Shut up!!!”

Chloe84 · 16/12/2018 01:13

Mine are little and at primary school. His are teenagers now. I've always bought for his.

What a prick. Text him:

'Pity you didn't tell me 15 years ago when I started buying presents for your children. A shame that my children are missing out.'

Don't even get selection boxes.

Chloe84 · 16/12/2018 01:14

Livingbenidorm - did DH mean presents from them or the presents from you to them?

GrumpySausage · 16/12/2018 01:16

Last year a family member announced we weren't doing presents for the kids (my dc's and his). This is fine by me but he announced this as I handed his kids presents over on Christmas Day.

Lovingbenidorm · 16/12/2018 01:19

Chloe84 he was wondering why we weren’t leaving with a bag of presents from them!
He said “well, where’s mine?”
I’m like “in my bag” gritted teeth “get in the taxi!” “Bye!! Merry Christmas! Thank you for a wonderful evening!”

BrendasUmbrella · 16/12/2018 01:43

I'd feel mean having bought presents for children (even if they are teens) and then not giving them because their DF is a bit shit about planning or having a grumble.

But she hasn't said he's shit at planning or having a grumble, he just doesn't want to exchange gifts anymore.

And how is it mean to not give the gifts when the children in question have no idea she bought them? Unless they're telepathic they'll be fine.

EdtheBear · 17/12/2018 10:01

Op given yours are much younger I'd just stop it. Maybe let Santa bring a wee extra for your own instead.

Does seem mean not to have a cut off point esp when its yours that are missing out.

Mumofaprinny · 17/12/2018 10:45

This year, I told my sil that basically I didn’t want to do presents anymore. I’m only in the family 3 years, so probably cheeky of me. All our kids are 8 and under. It was simply down to money and the stress of it all but didn’t put this in the message. She took it really well and said it was far better that way because we barely ever see each other anyway and won’t see them over Xmas. I will still do money in a card at birthdays but I’m pleased I don’t have to worry about it all now and to be fair, santa is very generous in both are family’s, so they get more than enough. maybe that why I have no money 😂. I don’t think your brother is being unreasonable.

Lilyhatesjaz · 17/12/2018 16:11

My sister said last year that she didn't want to do adult presents any more and would stop children's presents at 18 this was fine by me, and took away a lot of stress. My children are older so now no longer get presents but I shall continue to buy for my sisters much younger LOs until they are 18 which I think is completely fair.

Original poster

Ethel36 · 17/12/2018 19:14

I'm regifting the presents to my children instead, as extra Christmas presents. The eldest is excited to get them, as she originally chose these gifts for her cousin's! I'm not going to give my brother's children anything out of respect for my brother. He wants to end all presents, so I will. It's no big deal really. I just initially felt sorry for my brother's children. But that's on my brother and not me.

OP posts:

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