To saying No to Trick-or-Treating

[MumofTwoBoys95]

I have two boys (Aged 5 and 2)

My eldest son is in reception and he's made plenty of wonderful friends. One of the Mums asked me if I'd let my Son go trick-or-treating, a group of them are going and there'd be plenty of adults. I can't remember what I said exactly, I think it was something along the lines of "Oh, I'm sorry but we don't celebrate Halloween" and I said some other stuff, but I kept it all very respectable

I don't ever remember going out late at night, knocking on people's doors. I always got a big bag of sweets that I could never finish and I got to watch Disney films until I was asleep on the sofa

AIBU for doing the same things with my little ones that my parents did with me

You are not unreasonable, there's no rule that says you have to go trick or treating, if you have a tradition of sweets and a movie and you and he are happy with that then do it your way

I think what stumped the other Mothers is when I commented that I'd rather have my children safe and warm inside than snatched by someone off the street - Which happened to the Woman who suggested it to me, she got her child back of course but it's best to be safe than sorry

But thank you @SuchAToDo

YANBU, but it is not late at night. It is dark by 5.30 and that is when it all starts here and goes on until maybe 7.30. This may be too ate for a 5 year old but not what I would call late at night!

I doubt it will be late at night! Trick or treat in our road (v popular round here) is done and dusted by 7.30 latest, with little ones first round about 5.30-6. It’s an ancient tradition that has made a comeback and is just a bit of fun with their friends. DD has a blast with her friends in the village, some people really make an effort with it. I don’t see the problem. It’s not begging or hassling old folk as some people suggest. If there’s a lantern on view, then callers are welcome. Simple.

Sorry but the update is a bit weird. It’s incredibly unlikely this would happen and of course you could offer to go with them.
But if you don’t want your kids doing this then say no. If the eldest goes this year they will expect it another year. We don’t trick or treat and never have done.

You said that to her? Why?

It's not 'late at night'
It's not cold
It's not unsafe

No YANBU they're an absolute nuisance

If your concern is them being 'snatched', you could accompany them yourself to keep an eye? But if you don't want them to go, your alternative sounds just fine to me. Maybe let them carve a pumpkin?

Fine to say no.
Rude (and a bit weird) to suggest they're putting their kids at risk.

I don't allow my children to do it either. We do Halloween in a big way normally with lots of decorations and a party but treat or treating is akin to asking strangers for sweets imo. We are all vegetarian so they probably wouldn't be able to eat most of their haul anyway. I did it as a child but back then we knew the neighbours and went out in a small group. Nowadays there's groups of kids that steal your pumpkins, kick them in and take all the sweets. Once that happened we stopped opening the door on Halloween. A shame really that some have to spoil it.

I think it's fine for the little ones but stopped mine once they reached 10.

Sorry, what? The woman who wants to take yiur child Trick or Treating had a child abducted whilst Trick or Treating previously?

It will probably rain.

Depends where you live, and what people in your area do. Mine always loved trick or treat when primary age - round here it was a really lovely, sociable atmosphere with groups of (mainly young) children with adults walking around the village. I loved going with them as it was just a very friendly evening as you'd meet and chat with lots of different people as you walked around. The rules are that you only visit houses that have halloween decorations/pumpkin out, and if you didn't put anything out you wouldn't be called upon. Usually people went out between 5-7pm, and some older kids till about 8pm. I appreciate it's not like this everywhere, though. My MIL hates haloween because of bad experiences where she used to live. But why not go with him yourself and give it a try? You might both enjoy it.

Your update is peculiar. It must have sounded awkward at best.

YANBU not to go out trick or treating, of course, but with such little children I don’t think it’s quite the sort of event you seem to believe it is.

I think what stumped the other Mothers is when I commented that I'd rather have my children safe and warm inside than snatched by someone off the street

Surely if their parents are right there next to them it's highly unlikely this could or would happen?

We live in a 'naice' little family area where almost everyone decorates. People drive their DC into our street to trick or treat because it's known to be pretty friendly. In the 10 years we've lived here we've never had ground of DC that weren't with parents/adults, so I'm dubious at the suggestion that you'd be putting them at risk.

You aren’t unreasonable for saying no if you don’t want them to do it (but I’m scottish so I don’t understand the hate of guising as I grew o with it and love it) but to say no because you fear kidnap?!

It's usually more or less straight after school here, so not late at night.

I find it very difficult to believe anyone had their accompanied child snatched off the street, but if that did happen you were incredibly unkind to the mother involved.

I don't like trick or treat and at 2&5 said no, by 8yo I let them go with other parents if they were invited but didn't facilitate it myself.

Ditto, trillis - it’s a social event in our village, lots of effort made (except by the church funded primary but that’s a whole other thread!) with no vandalism and the usual rules re pumpkins outside respected. Could you imagine the pearl-clutching if I let slip we usually call in at the pub for a crafty mulled cider (me) and OJ (dd) halfway round...

Absolute bollocks, 0/10 attempt to whip up a bit of anti Trick or Treat hysteria. As if anyone would say such a tactless thing to a parent who'd had their child abducted, come off it.

I think it's fine if you want to do things your way, but don't let your child miss out on things they would otherwise enjoy because of your paranoia about things that are unlikely to happen.

If you'd said to me that you'd rather your children were safe and warm and not being snatched off the street I'd think you were a prize arsehole. Why say that? Implying that the other mums are deliberately putting their children in danger. You sound at best really weird and paranoid. Or are you a troll?

I think you were really shitty to the other mother. Surely you know that?

Bit of a weird update.

YANBU to do something else with your kids
YANBU to not want to take part

YABU to be weird about trick or treating
Going out TorT with small kids is not inherently dangerous or rude, knocking on the doors of people who clearly want to take part can be nice, fun, safe silliness and a way to interact with neighbours & family. It's not generally that late, little kids should be supervised (so not dangerous) and any rudeness should be nipped in the bud by those supervising.

Nobody is suggesting wild gangs of feral unsupervised kids knocking on doors and terrorising neighbourhoods is ok but that's not really what trick or treating is about for the majority. So no need for hysteria just a nice 'no thanks we've got other plans' would be the appropriate reaction.

You can decide whatever you want and create whatever traditions you want, but what you said to her was really really odd, unnecessary and not very nice.

You could have just said 'no thanks'. You didn't have to stick the boot in and be judgemental about someone else's completely legitimate choices.