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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fucking fuming - WWYD?

45 replies

RidingARollerCoaster · 17/09/2018 16:50

My 6 year old has mentioned this afternoon that Daddy said yesterday that she can meet his new girlfriend.

STBXH & I separated in April & have been “seeing each other” / snogging & shagging - without the kids knowing - up until a few weeks ago.

He told me a week ago that he’d met someone & I said I wished him well & hoped he was happy.

So... he’s either been seeing her for less than a month & wants to introduce her to our daughter??? Or he’s been two timing me for a while.

Either way, AIBU / WWYD?!

OP posts:
gamerchick · 17/09/2018 16:53

If you split up in April how could he be cheating on you? It just sounds like a fwb or he wouldn't have told you. Really he could have been cheating on her unless they weren't serious and now it is.

Losingthewill1 · 17/09/2018 16:57

Why were you still in each others pants if he’s your STBXH, let him get on with it and stop being jealous.

Obviously you shouldn’t introduce someone after a month to your kids but you aren’t setting the best example by acting jealous etc

Duchessgummybuns · 17/09/2018 17:17

Well there’s a good reason to stop snogging/shagging him then Hmm

Original poster
RidingARollerCoaster · 17/09/2018 17:19

Ok, hindsight says I shouldn’t have kept up a relationship with him after we separated but I did.

So, 3 weeks in he wants to introduce my 6 year old to his girlfriend?!

OP posts:
Original poster
RidingARollerCoaster · 17/09/2018 17:20

I don’t care about him cheating on me, I care about my 6 year old being introduced to a girlfriend of less than a month?

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 17/09/2018 17:22

It’s more likely he was shagging both of you.

Suggest limiting your contact with hin to parenting and practical matters.

Nothing much you can do about him introducing his gf to your DC.

Feefeetrixabelle · 17/09/2018 17:22

Why don’t you ask what the situation is?

If it’s only been three weeks then it might be a bit soon. But he hasn’t told her when just asked if she wants to meet the gf.

Duchessgummybuns · 17/09/2018 17:23

Unfortunate but he can introduce DC to whoever he likes regardless of how you feel about it.

YeTalkShiteHen · 17/09/2018 17:23

The best advice I was given is to separate the parenting relationship from the couple one.

As a Mum I’d be concerned that new partners were being introduced to quickly.

The rest of it is irrelevant to your child if that makes sense?

YeTalkShiteHen · 17/09/2018 17:23

Too not to

Babyroobs · 17/09/2018 17:24

how on earth do you keep a relationship after you have separated? ridiculous - you're either together or your aren't.

GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 17/09/2018 17:25

Sounds like Jeremy Kyle tbh

Walkerbean16 · 17/09/2018 17:25

visit the std clinic.

Tobl20 · 17/09/2018 17:27

My ex didn’t even tell me he was seeing anyone else. I found out from the kids a couple of months after we split up. Not sure how long they were together before I found out. He also moved her into our home without telling me anything, and changed the locks, despite all my belongings being in the property. Some men are a*holes.

GrouchyPreggoLady · 17/09/2018 17:30

If he met her in May and was just seeing you both then its not actually cheating is it... ask him how long he's been with her and tell him you wish him well but your not comfortable with DD meeting someone so soon.

Darkstar4855 · 17/09/2018 17:34

Why not just have a sensible conversation with him and ask if he’ll take it slowly and not introduce her just yet?

When I started going out with my partner his son’s mum asked if we’d take it slow and not introduce me to him too early as she was worried he’d be upset (he hadn’t got on well with my partner’s previous girlfriend). We were both more than happy to respect that and it paid off as his son and I have always got on really well.

If he’s serious about the relationship then he should be wanting to do everything he can to make sure his daughter is comfortable with the new girlfriend and he’s not rushing things by introducing her too soon.

viques · 17/09/2018 17:35

Sounds a little bit as though you are pissed off that you have lost your fwb while he has apparently moved on.

Were you secretly hoping to get back together with him? I think you have your answer to that now.

mooncuplanding · 17/09/2018 17:36

Oh god...you are one of ‘those’ ex-partners

NotTheFordType · 17/09/2018 17:42

I do think there's a bit a flap on here sometimes in terms of timescales for meeting parent's new partner.

If a NRP has a new partner and would sometimes like to spend a couple of hours, or an evening, with both DC and new partner, then if the DC isn't upset at the idea I don't really think it's an issue.

If residence is 50/50 then that makes it a bit different to my mind.

Of course it also depends on the age of the child and how they are coping with the break up.

OP - sorry you're hurting. I would guess that he's been dating this new person since May/June and has now decided to "become official".

SomeKnobend · 17/09/2018 17:43

He shouldn't be introducing her to your dd at this stage. Either they are less than 3 weeks into the relationship or it's a relationship of longer which is clearly casual enough that he's been cheating on her with you, so not a serious long-term relationship prospect. He needs to grow up and put his bloody penis away for 5 minutes.

KurriKurri · 17/09/2018 18:04

I think most sensible people would be cautious about introducing a very new partner to a six year old - it will be very confusing for her if the relationship doesn't last (and since he has been sleeping with you up until recently, I would assume he still has feelings for you and has therefore rushed into a rebound relationship).
But it's important to keep things friendly for your dd's sake and I'd have a civilised conversation with him and ask him to wait a while. It may be that the story you have from your DD is not quite what he meant and she is misinterpreting it. (I mean she could have asked if she could meet new Gf and he might have said 'yes, one day' or something - it is easy for little ones to get hold of the wrong end of the stick)

adaline · 17/09/2018 18:15

I would imagine he's been seeing his "girlfriend" since at least April, if not before.

Get yourself STI tested.

WinnieFosterTether · 17/09/2018 18:18

Stop pretending this is about your DD. You're annoyed because he's moved on or was cheating on you. Speak to him and get to the bottom of it but don't use your DD as a pawn.

kateandme · 17/09/2018 18:21

i have a feeling hes been doing both.but if your still shagging and snogging you've not split have you.
I think this needs sorting.it will hurt all and more seriously the kids if this carries on.what would they think if they new this was going on?

DancingDot · 17/09/2018 18:22

Stop shagging and snogging him.
STD clinic asap.
Keep your daughter out of adult stuff - just smile and say " That'll be nice". She doesn't need to hear your opinion of her dad, his gf or his behaviour.
There is nothing you can do about ex introducing your daughter to anyone, so the best thing you can do is be smiley, happy and support your daughter through any changes that happen.