Fucking fuming - WWYD?

[RidingARollerCoaster]

My 6 year old has mentioned this afternoon that Daddy said yesterday that she can meet his new girlfriend.

STBXH & I separated in April & have been “seeing each other” / snogging & shagging - without the kids knowing - up until a few weeks ago.

He told me a week ago that he’d met someone & I said I wished him well & hoped he was happy.

So... he’s either been seeing her for less than a month & wants to introduce her to our daughter??? Or he’s been two timing me for a while.

Either way, AIBU / WWYD?!

I’m not sure why you mentioned the snogging/shagging thing if you’re only worried about your DD.

I highly doubt this is a relationship of 3 weeks to be honest.

You can’t stop him so I’d be focussing on what you can do to make this easier on your DD.

I think if you'd phrased it differently you would have got a lot more sympathy OP - but I think regardless of how you'd phrased it, most people would still have said he's been seeing her for way longer than 3 weeks.

I'm sorry - this sounds messy and hurtful, regardless of whether you "ought" to have been still involved with your ex husband in the immediate aftermath of your separation.

1. You need to determine the future of your relationship with your OH. Effectively you haven't really separated. The fact that you're doing it behind the children's backs is even worse - inevitably they will find out and it will be confusing for them.

1. You need to get yourself checked for STIs.

1. I agree that he hasn't been with this person long enough to make the introductions. BUT - as long as your children aren't being harmed, you don't have the right to dictate his life. That's his decision.

She is a person. Children meet people all the time. She will be fine.

(and since he has been sleeping with you up until recently, I would assume he still has feelings for you and has therefore rushed into a rebound relationship).

Oh bless your romantic little heart. More likely he just fancied a shag and there it was, on offer. 😂

Thanks all - I think you’re right, he’s obviously been seeing her for a lot longer than he cares to admit.

I was an absolute fool to keep up th fwb thing as long as I did & bitterly regret it.

I think today has opened my eyes to what the future holds.

We’ve been in text communication tonight but I still don’t see why you would introduce your girlfriend of a month to you kids?

YABU.

Fuck whats wrong with people on here? Its her exh and daughters dad. Apparently its ops fault that he didnt have the decency to be honest and say, ive met someone, months ago. No, rather he carried on dipping his nob in both holes for a while.
You know that this isnt a 3 week girlfriend. He's a rat, not worth knowing, and yes check yourself for stds. Poor new partner.
And to all the bitchy posters, an exh who you have a child with is much more intimate than a fwb, even if it is just sex involved. Obviously op expecting her daughters father to consider her needs and be honest-which includes not headfucking her mum-is too much for some posters on here to grasp

You can't stop him from introducing her on his contact time.

But I would talk to him and ask him if he thinks it is fair on his child to introduce them to a woman he has only been seeing for 3 weeks.
If he has been seeing her for longer.. well does this woman know that her boyfriend was shagging his ex? I doubt it... and as soon as she finds out she will probably call it quits.

Omg this is so grim.

Thanks all, yes I’ve probably been naive & I shouldn’t have carried on with him after we spilt.

I think you are all right & this has been going on longer than I thought.

Lesson learnt, all I care about is my child.

But he hasn’t introduced her yet has he? Unless I’ve misunderstood in which case I’m sorry. He’s introduced the idea of her, maybe thinking you may have mentioned her. I think you well within your rights to ask him to hold off introducing a new partner. Maybe you both agree a three month waiting period before introduction and no sleepovers with children present til 6 months?

3 months is ridiculously early. A year should be more like it fgs

Well I’m thinking the op may want to move on too. And may not want to be waiting a year herself. It should be a mutual conversation of what is good for the child

I’ve sent him a text saying I think a relationship should be established for 3 months before introducing kids. Will wait & see what response is.

If you split in April he could have been with her since then, so 5 months, that would be established?

The adult relationships in this scenario are all irrelevant. The most important person here is your daughter. She is only 6 and her parents split up a mere 5 months ago. It is very unreasonable of you to dictate who your ex spends time with when he has your daughter (so long as they are safe) BUT it is not unreasonable for both of you to sit down and discuss how you can make these kind of circumstances as easy as possible for her.

She may be harbouring notions that you and he are going to get back together. She might be devastated at the thought of a new partner. Or she might be really well adjusted to her new reality and not care less? Only you know how she might react. How is she coping in general with the separation? Talk to her about her feelings about this BUT don't let her see any of your feelings and emotions...this is about her.

OP. This thread makes me never ever want to post on here. What horrible women. I feel so sorry for you. A break up is awful. You clearly still
Have/had feelings for your estranged husband & it's only natural and normal to want your family to stay together and your marriage to work, even if deep down you know that it's not working. After a break up, vulnerability sets jn and of course you were open to affection and romance and sex with someone you are after all still
Married to.
I suggest an open and honest heart to heart with him.
Maybe there isn't even a girlfriend and he's testing to see if you're jealous.
Maybe he's a total shitbag, having his cake and eating it
Maybe he's on a massive rebound and did just meet her.

Either way you deserve kindness and support.
Get to the truth and maybe do some big thinking privately if you want your family back or just miss the family unit or even just the sex with someone you love/d
None of that is wrong per se, but you do need to figure out what will make you happy and life easier for you both as parents in the long run.
The rest of you. stop being so sodding judgemental and unkind!

Sorry OP this sounds rough. I imagine she's been on the scene many months so it won't feel quick to him at all. From reading MN some people introduce new partners so quickly despite what they agree with the other parent so I don't know how much say you'll have.

Yanbu to be upset at all! But you need to find a way asap to manage what he does when DD with you. It's not easy and there will be loadsa stuff you disagree with, but step bank, deep breath and save the fume for the worsen times ahead which are likely coming x