Escort wants kinky eggs

[KinkyEggscort]

So there I was, looking forward to a naice little catch up with my best friend Gwen, when she turned up with her "friend" (let's call him Juan).

Gwen then informed me that Juan was rather partial to eggs, not for eating purposes though and could I go and get them some?

AIBU to NOT buy eggs for their kinky sex games???

I had a Japanese friend who was into the same thing.

Her name was Yolko!

Ha ha ! Did they bring the mosquito net ?

Yolko! Ono, what an unfortunate name!

What exactly did she do with these eggs? The mind boggles! Or perhaps scrambles...

Maybe he's hiding them early for Easter?

@flapjackfairy how did you know??

The mosquito net, the eggs.... all we need now is a bucket of figs and I feel there is no return from this pit of inequity that Gwen has turned my home in to.

She used to be such a naice girl. I suppose when she turned up in a pink PVC cat suit, I should have twigged something was up.

He's hard boiling them and shoving them up his arse

@00100001 but how many at a time??

What is it with all these escorts and eggs today?

He's hard boiling them and shoving them up his arse

He has really misunderstood the phrase "getting laid".

@BadLad or has he? Six minutes to get hard... comes out someone's bum....

Have you tried scrambling them with pistachios?

Surely it's walnuts, Cardiganandcuppa

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

How do you expect me to get hard so fast when I just got laid a minute ago.

Or she is shoving them her fanny so she can "lay" them

I'm guessing as many as will fit

God I needed this laugh today.

Gosh, just like the Winona Ryder ping pong trick...

I did wonder what that popping sound was coming from Gwen's bedroom... Thought it was Juan giving her...well...Juan! Didn't realise she was practising a different kind of lay!!

Six minutes to get hard?
You need to get a copy of Cosmo and brush up on your technique!

Oh I’m glad it’s not just me who was thinking of different escorts and eggs when I opened that thread. I thought someone who was an escort wanted someone’s eggs, as in to use to make a baby?

I KNEW IT!!!

@baronessBomburst No dear, Cosmo isn't naice, us older girlies only read the Daily Mail

It tells us all sorts of things. Apparently you can actually teach grandmothers to suck eggs!!

Would that not make them an eggscort instead?

I'll see myself out...

And I just noticed your username properly. Serves me right for reading in a rush.

@Bubbaduck

Dear dear, you young things don't know how to read these days, do you? Far too busy inserting eggs into various orifices and running off with Venezuelan kinky sex workers.

Cross post Bubbaducks