Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To ask how sociable your OH is?

48 replies

Musicforthemasses18 · 19/08/2018 12:24

My DP is massively antisocial - he doesn’t really have friends and is very introverted. It kind of bothers me but I know it shouldn’t. I am the opposite- have loads of friends and find it easy to make friends. I am sociable but it often means I do a lot on my own as he never wants to come.
How sociable is your OH? Should I be bothered? I just don’t know- it didn’t bother me before but it does as I get older.

OP posts:

YeTalkShiteHen · 19/08/2018 12:25

Not at all. But then neither am I so we’re a happy pair of anti social twats

confusedandemployed · 19/08/2018 12:26

He used to be, but then he massively withdrew from his friends. There's more to it than that, but ultimately it contributed to our separation.

LoniceraJaponica · 19/08/2018 12:26

Are we married to the same man?

Original poster

Musicforthemasses18 · 19/08/2018 12:30

I find it hard because often feel single at social events as he never wants to go. He has one friend that he has a pint with about twice a year and that’s it.

OP posts:

dudsville · 19/08/2018 12:33

My OH is so much more social than I am but I keep my hand in!

LadyFidgetAndHerHandbag · 19/08/2018 12:33

Much more than I am. He regularly has evenings with friends enjoying his hobby, loves to meet people, has a huge circle of friends. I much prefer to spend my evenings at home with a good book and a cup of tea and have a very small group of friends who I am very close to. We're fine with this though. I can get a bit lonely when he goes away for the weekend but I lived on my own for a number of years and am able to fill my time without him.

BinG0wings123 · 19/08/2018 12:33

Mine is v sociable with his own friends (who I’ve never met).

Never with mine though and never wants to make an effort to get to know people together, will never come to anything with me (where we’ve been invited as a couple).

Used to make me sad, but now I just tell people he’s a prick.

ArmySal · 19/08/2018 12:35

Very. Lots of friends, will chat to anyone, the complete opposite of me really.

ggirl · 19/08/2018 12:36

Mine has loads of friends , mainly through his hobbies

We have separate social lives as well as going out together with friends.

I think it's normal to be either way, my sil and bil have no friends and spend all their time together .

Is he socially anxious?

Original poster

Musicforthemasses18 · 19/08/2018 12:37

I just think more and more that we are very incompatible. I find it a bit lonely to be honest and find myself wanting a partner in crime

OP posts:

Frosty6611 · 19/08/2018 12:38

Mine is sociable with his small group of friends, but other than that he isn’t interested in forming new friendships and likes to spend time with me or alone. Doesn’t bother me as we’re both introverts and I also can’t be bothered being sociable regularly or to people I don’t know very well

Governoress86 · 19/08/2018 12:38

My OH is anti social,he has some friends but prefers to not be around people if he doesn't have to. It doesn't bother me, however as I have got older I have also started to become anti social as I am sick of being dragged into people's shit that don't concern me and all the drama that follows. Me and my OH prefer our own company and we have our own hobbies. We are very happy with that 😀

Original poster

Musicforthemasses18 · 19/08/2018 12:39

@ggirl yes, quite socially anxious- says the ‘wrong’ thing quite a lot

OP posts:

ggirl · 19/08/2018 12:40

Does he realise how his social anxiety is making you feel , do you think he would get help for it?

IGiorni · 19/08/2018 12:42

My OH is very antisocial. He’s very likeable so could have lots of friends but prefers his own company. It annoys me at times because it means I miss out on a lot of things as most of my friends prefer to go out as a couple. He’s never made any effort to get to know my friends’ husbands. He doesn’t like having people round to the house either, or visiting family. It can be very frustrating.

LinoleumBlownapart · 19/08/2018 12:44

Not sociable at all. He has a few old friends that he likes to drink with. But it's rare that he will go out with them. I used to try to encourage him to come out with me and do social gatherings. He gets really anxious and doesn't enjoy himself. He's happier just socializing with me, the kids and select other people, occasionally. In our 20's we were always out with others and he didn't' seem to mind or feel uncomfortable. This is something that seems to have got worse with age.

nokidshere · 19/08/2018 12:44

DH is an introvert but he's not anti social. I have lots of friends and always something going on. If I make arrangements he's happy to join in and is a welcoming and friendly host but he would never be the first to make a social arrangement.

OrcinusOrca · 19/08/2018 12:46

My DH is very unsocial. He has aspergers and is happy without much friendship in his life. At times I wish he was more social but he will come along to things with me if I want him to, it's just not his 'thing'. I am not hugely social myself tbh!

puzzledlady · 19/08/2018 12:50

mine is sociable - like me. I have many friends (PR) and we try and go out once/twice every month.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/08/2018 12:55

I wouldn't say that mine's unsociable but he hasn't really got time or interest for other people. He does for us (me and kids) but that's it. He will meet up with family now and again - and enjoy it - but he doesn't seek them out.

He sees work friends at work mostly so evenings and weekends, he's here at home with me and under my feet.

I have two close friends, one I see every week and the other I see whenever she's in the country. I don't want more than that, I like my own space a lot. We don't mix friends, I see mine and I'm not interested in going out with his.

We are Mr & Ms Unsociable personified, I think...

HolyPieter · 19/08/2018 12:56

I don't understand why anyone would want to marry someone with no friends in the first place - it's a massive red flag.

Singlenotsingle · 19/08/2018 12:57

Neither of us is particularly sociable. We can go all evening with hardly a word said. But we like it like that. My DS made me laugh when he said "I don't like animals. To be honest, I don't like people much either".

Byebyebye · 19/08/2018 12:58

V antisocial.

He wasn’t always like this. Last night we went out of a meal. The second he finished eating he started with the wanting to go home. Never wants to do anything but be at home watching tv.

We’re having a talk when he comes home from work tonight because I can’t take much more of this.

adaline · 19/08/2018 12:58

Neither of us is particularly sociable although I'm probably more capable than he is when it comes to talking to strangers and things.

It doesn't bother me. It means I can go out and see my friends if I want and I know he's happy home alone tinkering with things or doing his own thing. I like having a social life and a life that's a bit separate from him and we certainly get along much better when we're not living in each other's pockets!

corythatwas · 19/08/2018 12:58

dh isn't terribly social when it comes to having his own friends and going out with them

but sociable enough to be presentable and make conversation to strangers if required to, e.g. at a family do or work do

and like nokids' dh is happy to function as a friendly and welcoming host

was very good at the children's parties we used to have

Flip

1 2