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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think employing a friend is a bad bad idea?

36 replies

geordielass301988 · 17/08/2018 17:40

Me and my DH run our own business.

We have a PA who is due to go on maternity leave at the end of September and we are in the process of advertising her job. It will be a temporary 12 month contract with the possibility of it becoming permanent.

We have a long standing friend who has a background in admin, which ticks boxes for us. The job is part time and fits around school hours more or less, which ticks a big box for her as she has 3 primary age DC.

I just don’t think it’s a good idea to hire somebody we know personally- expectations of favouritism, how awkward it would be if we had to sack/make her redundant and it just isn’t sitting right with me.

DH stupidly mentioned it to her last weekend without consulting me, and she has been texting everyday since asking about it- she doesn’t even expect us to interview her, she thinks she has the skills to do the job (and in fairness she has) but I’m not like that, and there is a possibility of someone more qualified coming along.

I’m just hoping to Christ she has mentioned anything to her current employer

AIBU?

OP posts:

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 17/08/2018 17:44

God no.

And she’s already shown you! She’s texting constantly and assumes she has the job without an interview!

It has the potential for a massive falling out and business issues (what if you have a problem with her? Appraisals? Redundancy? Etc)

Fang2468 · 17/08/2018 17:45

From hard learned experience- definitely never mix business & pleasure. I’ve learned the hard way about employing a friend. Never again.

BackinTimeforTea · 17/08/2018 17:46

Oh yes get out now - you’ve been warned if she doesn’t even expect an interview and to get it fairly that’s a bad sign it won’t work out.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 17/08/2018 17:46

Oh and don’t give her the job just cause she’s jacked in her old one on the massive presumption she had this in the bag. That’s massive cheeky fuckery.

JacquesHammer · 17/08/2018 17:47

It can work. It can work really well.

However I’m not sure in this situation it works well.

ImAIdoot · 17/08/2018 17:47

I ended up drifting apart from probably my closest friend by doing this.

Avoid.

MyDirtyLittleSecret · 17/08/2018 17:49

NO. Just don't. It's a bad idea from both points of view, too many blurred boundaries on both sides. I had a friend who wanted me to work for him temporarily to cover for an absent employee, I told him no because as a friend he was lovely but I'd seen how he was with his employees and I wouldn't stand for it.

ThreeHousesNoHouse · 17/08/2018 17:49

Some people say the same about not working with family.

Disquieted1 · 17/08/2018 17:50

There are things you can ask an employee to do that you can't ask a friend to do. And vice versa.

Don't do it.

ShesABelter · 17/08/2018 17:50

I work for my husbands best friend and we get on absolutely great there's no issues at all.

PalePinkSwan · 17/08/2018 18:03

It can work really well, but everybody needs to have the same approach/mind set about how it will work.

I’d reply politely making clear that you prefer to do everything “by the book” so she’d need to do the same interview as everybody else, send a cv etc. See how she responds to that - if she then behaves more professionally and she’s the best candidate then maybe give her a go.

Angie169 · 17/08/2018 18:04

I would not , I have a friend ( call her A ) that employed a mutual friend (B) , A ran her own small shop , employed B part time , B started off been a great help but after a few moths she started coming in late ( just had to do this that or the other ) and then asking to go home early not just a few minuets but half a hour or more . A got fed up with B doing this and warned her she had to keep to her agreed times , but B continued to arrive late / leave early so A made sure she only got paid for for the exact time B worked .
B had a blue fit when she did not get her normal wage when A explained why they fell out , that was many years ago and though things have improved slightly they are still frosty around each other.

PurpleTigerLove · 17/08/2018 18:06

Bad bad idea . Don’t do it . Same applies to family members .

bridgetreilly · 17/08/2018 18:06

I think it can work, provided you are both professional about it. She is, however, already demonstrating that she won't be. So, no way.

Nikephorus · 17/08/2018 18:06

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
You'll feel unable to pull her up on things she gets wrong or where she makes changes that suit her but not you, she'll expect favours, You'll be sick of the sight of her and have no-one to bitch to about how crap your new employee has turned out to be!
Don't do it.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 17/08/2018 18:07

Advertise the job as you'd normally do. Friend is welcome to apply.

I've been in a slightly similar situation and when I send them a link to the (admittedly fairly labourious) recruitment process I have for the particular role, only 1 out of 5 people actually ever applies.

Nikephorus · 17/08/2018 18:08

I gave a friend a temporary contract role once (I'd forgotten about that joyous time) - disaster. She pissed others off because she'd come and gossip (when I was trying to work), didn't get the work right and wouldn't accept that the rules applied to her too.

Mercurial123 · 17/08/2018 18:09

I recommend a friend for a job she got it as my boss trusted my judgement, it was a huge mistake. She has meltdowns and is pretty vile to female colleagues but strangely enough never with the men. She's just awful. Would never recommend a friend again lesson learnt.

flowery · 17/08/2018 18:11

Having advised small business owners on their HR issues for ten years, my advice is don’t do it. Goes pear-shaped far too often!

RiverTam · 17/08/2018 18:12

No, don’t do it. I have a number of friends at management level (so higher than me) in the same industry and I won’t apply for jobs working for them. Not worth changing the friendship.

RiverTam · 17/08/2018 18:12

*chancing

Trollop1 · 17/08/2018 18:15

It takes a very disaplined friendship in order to make something like this work, more so on the employees end.

My boss is also my best friend (I met her as a customer then became friends before she employed me)
We do have a very understanding relationship, we know where the line is drawn between friends and boss, and we respect that both ways.
She’s since employed other people in the same manner but it hasn’t worked well, there’s been piss taking, breakdown of friendships and tip toeing around.

The fact she’s been hounding and doesn’t expect an interview shows that she doesn’t respect the professional boundaries already so I’d be extremely worried.

It can work but it seems rare

Failingat40 · 17/08/2018 18:17

Listen to your gut, it's speaking loudly telling you not to employ this friend.

The very fact she's already showing 'entitlement' in expecting to just walk in to the job without an interview speaks volumes.

Just wait til she needs days off, time off, late starts, early finishes etc..

I seriously wouldn't do it. If you value your friendship with her keep work totally separate.

HoleyCoMoley · 17/08/2018 18:20

Advertise the job, she is welcome to apply but don't give it to her automatically without even an interview. If you have other employees they will find out, maybe they have friends who would like to apply. You will end up being accused of favouritism, I have never worked anywhere where employing friends or family has had a positive outcome.

OutPinked · 17/08/2018 18:20

Have you ever watched Curb Your Enthusiasm? . This dilemma reminds me of that. He hires a PA a good friend recommended and daren’t fire her because he doesn’t want to offend his friend. Turns out the friend was just palming the PA off because she’s so useless. I love that programme...

Anyway! No I wouldn’t do it. If she messes up at all and you have to tell her/let her go at any point, your friendship will be ruined.

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