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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to ask about hen party invite?

40 replies

usernamechangeduckling · 11/08/2018 13:44

Ive been invited to a hen party. The bride to be has been invited to lots of family events previously, including quite a few hosted by my mum - the groom’s aunt - 18th and 21st birthdays, Christmas etc.
They always seem on pretty good terms.
My sister and my grandma and i have all been invited to a family meal style of hen do - not the actual drinking one as that took place a fortnight ago.
Mum is gutted that she seems to be the only member of our family (of the women, anyway) not invited, and has asked my sister and I not to go, out of solidarity. Mum has been known to be melodramatic and a bit paranoid that others dont like her in the past, but on this occasion i can see where she;s coming from.

Aibu to check, very casually, with the bride that my mum is not invited?

OP posts:

youarenotkiddingme · 11/08/2018 13:46

If you have a good relationship with her I'd just ask.

You can always phrase it as "which other members of groom family have been advised?"

IsAnyoneElseMissingCheese · 11/08/2018 13:46

I would actually, she probably is but maybe just didn't get the memo?
Super casual though, maybe in a 'is everything ok between you...' kind of way?

youarenotkiddingme · 11/08/2018 13:46

Or invited even!

NonaGrey · 11/08/2018 13:48

If your Grandma has been invited it seems very unlikely that she has deliberately excluded your Mum.

Something has gone awry somewhere, Inwould definitely ask quietly.

Merryoldgoat · 11/08/2018 13:48

I’d ask the bride - it is odd to invite you, your sister and grandmother without your mother. It’s probably just an oversight.

MikeUniformMike · 11/08/2018 13:55

I'd ask. She might just have forgotten.

Original poster

usernamechangeduckling · 11/08/2018 14:06

So spoke to my mum about it just now, she has apparently texted the bride to say she hopes she has a nice time, bride has just replied “thanks 😚”
So it’s definitely not accidental. The meal is tonight, but I didn’t realise until today that my mum had been excluded like this. I feel pretty upset myself now, as I get on well with bride and wouldn’t have imagined she would do something like this. Aibu to pull out? Note if I do, sister will probably do the same. I arranged I would give my grandma a lift there, which I’m still happy to do even if I don’t go to the meal itself.

OP posts:

greendale17 · 11/08/2018 14:10

I wouldn’t go, will be crap atmosphere too

Ginseng1 · 11/08/2018 14:13

The groom is your cousin then? The grandma his grandma too? Maybe she thought bringing the aunties (is there more than your mum?) as well too much?

AnnieOH1 · 11/08/2018 14:14

Maybe it's just me but I can imagine if I was close to some cousins but not others I might invite them, exclude aunts and uncles and invite grandparents too. Is there any other aunt or uncle going that you're aware of? Are there other cousins who've been left out?

Gemini69 · 11/08/2018 14:16

Text her right now Sweetheart... and ask outright if your Mum has been accidentally missed out .. if she says No... then you don't go

rollonoctober · 11/08/2018 14:17

But if the bride thinks she has invited your mum, and then received her text, she might just think it means your mum can't make it - her response doesn't necessarily mean she wasn't invited in the first place.

It's a tricky one - could your GM ask? The older generation can sometimes get away with asking the cheeky questions that others shy away from!

PatheticNurse · 11/08/2018 14:18

Unlesa your mum has been awful to her then l Think it's pretty awful to leave her out and l wouldn't go.

I would ask the Bride why she wasn't invited though

diddl · 11/08/2018 14:21

I'm not sure that the text proves anything either way tbh.

Obviously your mum was hoping for a "shame you can't come" reply, but maybe the bride to be is just busy hence the short answer?

Original poster

usernamechangeduckling · 11/08/2018 14:23

We’re not an enormous family - my mum is one of three aunts, but me and my sister are the only cousins on the grooms side. Aunt #1 lives in Cyprus, and aunt #2 is part of a very unsociable couple we don’t see often. Mum has frequently invited them to stuff and included them in things for me and sister, so she now is worried she has upset her somehow, but I’m certain this is not the case.

OP posts:

Possumfish · 11/08/2018 14:24

Maybe the bride thought inviting aunties was a bit much ...if I was getting married I'd probably invite my grooms grandma and maybe some of his cousins I got in with....but I doubt I'd invite his aunty! You have to draw the line somewhere after all...

PatchworkElmer · 11/08/2018 14:26

Maybe the bride thinks your Mum can’t come?

Cloudyapples · 11/08/2018 14:28

Can you not ring the bride (don’t text - texts are too easily misinterpreted and you don’t want it to spiral into a big drama on her hen night) and just ask? Say you’re so sorry you don’t want to cause any trouble but your mum was a bit upset and not being invited so you just wanted to check there isn’t been a misunderstanding?

diddl · 11/08/2018 14:29

So other than the family stuff that your mum invites her to-do they see each other?

What about you, your sister & GM-do you only see her at family stuff?

Awrite · 11/08/2018 14:33

I'm trying to put myself in the place of each of those involved.

I can't imagine being expected to be invited to my nephew's fiance's hen type meal. Or asking my daughter to boycott said meal.

However, it does seem somewhat mean to exclude someone who has included me in so many family events.

Unless I was very close to the bride, I can't see me wanting to go so this would be my out.

PurpleFlower1983 · 11/08/2018 14:39

Just ask the bride outright.

3WildOnes · 11/08/2018 14:42

It didn’t even cross my mind to invite my fiancé’s aunts to my hen do, even though they have invited me to family parties. I can understand cousins around the same age and a grandma being invited over aunts. I would not cause a drama over this

TerracottaDream · 11/08/2018 14:49

Is your mum actually related to groom or an in-law? Is that the reason?

Butterflycookie · 11/08/2018 14:49

Just ring the bride to be and ask!!

shakeyourcaboose · 11/08/2018 15:10

Was she a plus one to the groom at the family parties? And would she have been invited without him being in attendance?

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