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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off af OH?

63 replies

Beautifulblue · 11/08/2018 11:09

OH is going to his friends birthday BBQ today, I was invited to but we spoke about it a few days ago & I suggested he go along with DD whilst I stay home & give the place a spring clean otherwise we would both have to do it tomorrow whilst she's bored & round our ankles. He agreed to this... now all morning his been saying 'do you think I should take DD? I don't know what do you reckon?' Hmm he works 9-5.30 mon-fri so only sees DD in the week for an hour before she goes to bed plus there will be at least 5 other small children at this BBQ (our DD is 13 months, children there range from 1-6) I just think he cba! Would rather go & have a few beers & relax at the BBQ whilst I stay home & clean WITH DD in tow. She'll have more fun at the BBQ but he doesn't seem to care about that. I'm a SAHM who's going back to work next month so mon/fri I have alone with DD doing fun things etc... you'd think he'd WANT to spend an afternoon with her. I'm so pissed off!!

OP posts:
Eliza9917 · 11/08/2018 11:11

I'd say you know what, why don't we all go?

There's no way I'd stay at home to clean on my own while everyone else went to a bbq!

Why shouldn't he help tomorrow?

IncrediblySturdyPyjamas · 11/08/2018 11:12

now all morning his been saying 'do you think I should take DD? I don't know what do you reckon?'

Say yes of course, why wouldn't she go?

Karigan198 · 11/08/2018 11:13

Fuck that. Both of you go and enjoy it. Your child will not remember if your house was clean but will remember if you both did things with her.

Unless you don’t want to go then that’s another matter

mumeeee · 11/08/2018 11:13

As you were both invited I actually think you should go as a family. Why does the spring cleaning have to be done this weekend?

SeaCabbage · 11/08/2018 11:13

When he keeps asking you can say " Yes of course it would be good to take her. You hardly see her in the week so I know how much you must miss her. She will love going to the BBQ with you.

I think you are right - it will be hard work looking after a 13 month old at a BBQ and he just doesn't want to.

I suppose you could add on for fun - "Anyway, I know you wouldn't dream of leaving her with me when I am gooing to be cleaning the whole day becuase that wouldn't be fair".

ReservoirDogs · 11/08/2018 11:14

If the whole idea of him taking her was so you can clean without her around then there is no point in you not going. So he takes her and you clean now. Or you all go today and he cleans tomorrow!!

Welshgirlbach · 11/08/2018 11:14

Suggest you & DD go AND he stays home to do the chores.

YeTalkShiteHen · 11/08/2018 11:14

I’d rather stay at home cleaning!

But he’s clearly trying to ditch your DD so I’d pack them off with a cheery smile. If he’s insistent on ditching her I’d dig my heels in.

Belindabauer · 11/08/2018 11:14

Either all go or he goes alone with her.

Aquamarine1029 · 11/08/2018 11:16

Will he be attentive enough to properly watch after your daughter? He's going to be drinking and there will be other children there who he might stupidly expect to babysit her while he socialises. Personally, I would be concerned about that.

GabriellaMontez · 11/08/2018 11:18
Shock

You're staying at home to clean instead of going out to a bbq on a sunny day with your family...

IsItThatTimeAlready131 · 11/08/2018 11:20

If DD stays at home with you today the spring clean gets done together tomorrow. (So you may as well all go to the BBQ as you aren't going to get the clean done today).

Maybe he doesn't want to have to look after DD on his own and wants to relax without the responsibility, possibly wants a taste of 'freedom' for a couple of hours. If you both end up going make sure he does his fair share of looking after DD and doesn't leave it all to you while he has a few beers and lets his hair down.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 11/08/2018 11:21

Go to the BBQ. Both do half the parenting whilst you're there, enjoy yourselves, clean tomorrow.

Life is too short; honestly.

YeTalkShiteHen · 11/08/2018 11:21

What if OP doesn’t want to go?

Whoisalanbrazil · 11/08/2018 11:22

If you're going to end up spring cleaning on your own with the baby then you might as well go to BBQ and do the cleaning on Monday. He just cba!

Original poster
Beautifulblue · 11/08/2018 11:23

We've been putting off the spring clean for a few weeks already & honestly it's driving me nuts now! DD is petrified of the hoover & mega cries every time I even pick it up so that hasn't been done & it needs doing. I would rather spend the day cleaning & have a nice tidy, organised home by this evening (DD's clothes need sorting, lots of to small stuff lingering in the drawers) then go to a BBQ & come back to it all! His perfectly capable of looking after her, even if he does have a couple of beers he won't go mad when she's there & I honestly don't think she'll be to difficult. She loves other kids so will probably just be following them/watching what they're doing with interest! I actually feel sorry for DD that her dad who sees her average 10 hours in the week (1 hour before work, 1 hour after) cba to spend an afternoon with her! 🤦🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
gamerchick · 11/08/2018 11:25

I'd say you know what, why don't we all go?

Exactly what I would do. He's trying to get 2 days with no kids or housework.

Tell him if he doesn't want to take her on his own then you'll go along as well and you'll both do the cleaning tomorrow. You're right he should want to spend time with her but he's not thinking like that. He's thinking ' week at work and now a chance to chill for the day with beers'. If only you take the hint.

Original poster
Beautifulblue · 11/08/2018 11:26

Yeah trust me, 9/10 I'd be at the BBQ 🍗😂 but sometimes you just have to bite the bullet! & whilst they're both out is the perfect opportunity to whack some music on & crack on with it.

OP posts:
YeTalkShiteHen · 11/08/2018 11:26

OP is he still hinting?

gamerchick · 11/08/2018 11:27

You both need to work on the hoover thing with the bairn. Desensitise her in some way.

Original poster
Beautifulblue · 11/08/2018 11:29

& I'm also not that fussed about going, we only know the hosts, no family there & all other couples going we either haven't met or have met once at a kids birthday or something..

OP posts:
Original poster
Beautifulblue · 11/08/2018 11:29

I'm just gonna ask him out right now if his taking her... bare with me!

OP posts:
IncrediblySturdyPyjamas · 11/08/2018 11:30

Why not suggest that you take her to the BBQ, and he stays home and cleans.

Sorted.

Fatted · 11/08/2018 11:30

Forget the spring cleaning and all of you go to the BBQ! Then he can do his fair share of the cleaning tomorrow as well.

Honestly, I can see it from his point of view as well. I wouldn't want to go on my own with a baby to a BBQ if all my mate were drinking.

But if the deal was you stayed home without DD, then if she's staying with you, you're going to the BBQ with her!

kernowsailor · 11/08/2018 11:31

I feel for you OP. Feels like my DP will do anything to get out of spending time with our DS. He's 6 months old and he's only had him alone in the house for 15 minutes on one occasion and he's NEVER taken him anywhere on his own. He says he's 'not ready' Angry