To think anyone can function fine on 7 hours sleep?

[Nosleepquestion]

DP went to sleep at 11, toddler DC1 woke up at 2.30. He has a cough so was up until 4, this is unusual he normally sleeps through.

DP then slept downstairs until they got up at 8am so wasn't woken by baby DD waking for feeds. I asked him to watch him and baby DD so I could have a shower and he stormed upstairs saying don't talk to me I've had no sleep I'm going back to bed.

He slept for 7 hours last night, albeit woken up once. AIBU to think he's not actually tired, similar has happened a few times since DD was born (he didn't have to wake up with DS before). His usual comment is 'you don't need as much sleep as me', which may be true but surely anyone is fine on 7 hours sleep, DD is breastfed and feeding every 1-2 hours at times which doesn't wake him yet he insists he's more tired because I 'need less sleep than him'.

My DP can’t do with less than 10 hours when not on his meds. But he has a condition that causes this, although it still causes arguments sometimes because it can get frustrating

I also need at least 9 hours otherwise I feel knackered

So not everyone can, however he’s being a bit of an arse and I’d be furious if my DP was behaving like that, condition or not.

He is being a dick! Don't engage in who is most tired arguments, although clearly you win. Tell home to man up

Yanbu. My dp is similar and this is likely to be one of the mitigating factors my defence barrister is going to have to argue at his murder trial.

Balls to how much sleep he would like wouldn’t we fucking all. If he’s tired he should have an early night tonight not dodge normal daytime duties.

I can for a couple of days but after that I get ill. I need 9hrs to be at my best but can survive on 8hrs a night

I only survived the baby bit because I literally did sleep when baby slept

I hear ya op. My bone of contention is how much sleep my husband needs.

Your husband is being very unfair.

^^ saying that, he’s still being an idiot about it all. He can watch the kids for the small amount of time it takes you to get ready

Everyone needs a different amount of sleep but that is irrelevant to the situation you have here.

He is complaining he’s tired while you do all the night feeds?! When do you get a break?

My DH snd I shared the night feeds (although I only BF for 6 weeks) and he would help with getting up with the older one too. We’re a team!

We also take it in turns for a lie in at the weekend. I have Sat, he has the Sun.

Don’t be a doormat OP. You have a right to sleep too!

Selfish bastard. You’re the one that should feel tired breastfeeding a baby and looking after a toddler. I would be angry.

I used to be fine on 7 hours now I'm a wreck. I also think it's much worse when you get woken up mid cycle and if you're up for a long period before going back to sleep. I can totally believe your DH was exhausted. Not that being exhausted is a get out of everything free card.

I would kill for 7 hour sleep!!

Two kids have taught me how to function on 5 hours. I consider myself very lucky if I can scrape 6 hours. My five hours is broken sleep too as opposed to a block but I’ve
adapted to getting so little and disturbed sleep.

Your husband sounds like a bit of a dick in this scenario.

It’s not so much the length of time you sleep but whether or not when you’re woken you have completed a full sleep cycle. If you’re woken up mid cycle, even if you’ve had 9 hours sleep you’ll still feel like shit. And some people do need more sleep than others.

In which case he needs to go to bed earlier and look up the meaning of teamwork.

I think the sleep is irrelevant here. Watching the kids for ten minutes while you have a shower is hardly an impossible task, no matter how tired he is! I'd be going and popping the kids on the bed with him and going for that shower.

Competitive tiredness is a bad habit to get in to though. Some people are fine with less sleep, some aren't. You do just have to get on with it though. I'm sure we'd all love a full nights sleep.

IME it depends on if you have a 'sleep debt' I frequently do working nights, I average 6-7 hours a day between nights, but due to it being well, daytime, it's usually in bursts of 2-2.5 hours at a time. I always feel more tired when I'm on my nights than if I get 7 hours straight. Also if for any reason I build up a sleep debt, like when it's been so hot and harder to sleep through the day, so I've maybe only had 4.5-5 hours broken sleep I build up a 'sleep debt' over 5 nights that's 8 hours, so my first night in bed I would still feel tired after 7 hours sleep, and if I can I'll sleep for closer to 10.
So I think it depends on the quality and quantity of sleep leading up to that night.

But that said your DP sounds like he's being an arse about it and not taking his share, and the line "you don't need as much sleep as me" would piss me right off.

I need 8-9 hours sleep but can easily function on 7.
Anyway the fact that you're breastfeeding a baby overnight trumps anything except major illness on his part so he needs to suck it up and stop being an arse.

Everyone needs different. I can easily function on about 5 hours and have done for years. I just can't go for longer sleeps. DH needs 8 hours minimum or he gets a foggy head and can't concentrate at work as well. DS goes to bed earlier than DD, but always wakes early. DD is like me in the respect of she's a night owl but every morning I have to drag her out of bed. (they are both 7yo)

Does your DP have any medical conditions OP, both me and mine have ADHD and that leads to weird sleep patterns, worse in him than me,

Actually YABU, losing an hour an a half of sleep at that point in the night has a similar cognitive effect to drinking 4 pints of beer. So a very clever colleague of mine once told me. And I k ow if I had my sleep disturbed like that I’d be wrecked. Due to a crap sleeper and bf I was a zombie for 4 years of my life due to sleep deprivation.

I need 9 hours sleep to function, but am not too bad on 8 hours.
7 hours consistently would make me ill.

But, I go to bed earlier to get it, say 10pm-7pm, or 9pm-6pm, as we have a toddler and you can’t reasonably expect to sleep past 7 if you have a toddler!

Fine for your husband to need more sleep, but he should be going to bed early if that’s the case

I think the sleep is irrelevant here. Watching the kids for ten minutes while you have a shower is hardly an impossible task, no matter how tired he is!*

I think this^ is bang on. Also agree with the rest of jasey’s post.

Ugh bold fail, sorry

SHould have said: DH needs 7 hours, so we manage it by me going to bed an hour or two earlier usually, then we both get up when the toddler gets up.

It sucks not to have that time together in the late evening, but hey, they aren’t toddlers forever, and I can’t function on less sleep, and my Dh would be very if I stayed in bed for a couple of hours extra in the morning!

Your DP is a dick especially with you normally doing all the waking with the baby. I assume the other nights he is normally uninterrupted? If he isn’t getting enough sleep then he needs to go to bed earlier

He is being an arse. However tired he is, you are doing all the night feeds & he can watch the children for ten minutes whilst you have a shower. Having a newborn is hard (our DS is two weeks old so I can empathise - like the day of the dead here). Tell him to muck in & stop being a princess. My DH is a bit lazy but he gets handed a bottle of Aptimil & told to get on with a few of them.

I had one of those. Note the past tense. The sleep thing was the first indicator of how he considered my needs to have less value than his.

It honestly astounds me how many men claim to be more tired than their partners who have just endured disturbed pregnancy sleep, labour, recovery, post-partum hormones, then night feeding.

Seriously, it absolutely baffles me how common it is and I feel huge contempt for the men responsible for this sort of sentiment.