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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think anyone can function fine on 7 hours sleep?

54 replies

Nosleepquestion · 21/07/2018 08:51

DP went to sleep at 11, toddler DC1 woke up at 2.30. He has a cough so was up until 4, this is unusual he normally sleeps through.

DP then slept downstairs until they got up at 8am so wasn't woken by baby DD waking for feeds. I asked him to watch him and baby DD so I could have a shower and he stormed upstairs saying don't talk to me I've had no sleep I'm going back to bed.

He slept for 7 hours last night, albeit woken up once. AIBU to think he's not actually tired, similar has happened a few times since DD was born (he didn't have to wake up with DS before). His usual comment is 'you don't need as much sleep as me', which may be true but surely anyone is fine on 7 hours sleep, DD is breastfed and feeding every 1-2 hours at times which doesn't wake him yet he insists he's more tired because I 'need less sleep than him'.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 21/07/2018 09:28

First of all I'll say there's no excuse for storming around and being arsey. Completely unacceptable.

However there is never a winner in a competitive tiredness competition. It's always a bad idea.

Plus I'd say that's pretty broken sleep, half of it on a sofa which isn't ideal. He probably is tired. Though I'll reiterate again that there's no excuse to be an arse to you

I aim for 7 hours a night and can function really fine on that.

Gigis · 21/07/2018 09:30

I think your 'd'p is being a bit of a dick tbh. Having a baby and toddler is exhausting all round. Why is he trying to turn it into a competition over who's more exhausted? (Especially when he'll lose said competition given that you're doing all the night feeds!) He needs to suck it up and accept that he has joint responsibility to care for the young children you have both created, even though that means he will be tired. It's unfair to expect you to do it all just because you may need less sleep than him.

Also maybe point out to him that some people would kill for 7 hours, even if it's broken!

Alicatz66 · 21/07/2018 09:32

You can't win ! My DP is an early bird ! Never wants to waste the day ... up at 5.40 in the week .. 6.30 is a weekend lie in 😴

BikeRunSki · 21/07/2018 09:34

I can function in a reasonable manner on about 6 hours, and can deal with at least one interruption.

DH needs at least 8 hours, with more occasionally and handles broken sleep badly. This was the case even before we had DC!

L0UISA · 21/07/2018 09:35

Seriously, it absolutely baffles me how common it is and I feel huge contempt for the men responsible for this sort of sentiment

This.

pinkhorse · 21/07/2018 09:36

I get 7 hours every night and feel fine. I do loads of exercise and they say exercise gives you energy so maybe that's why.
Those that sleep 9 or 10 hours, do you not feel like you're sleeping your life away?

Lana1234 · 21/07/2018 09:40

I feel tired after about that amount of sleep but can definitely function still. You weren’t asking for much, only to be able to get a shower after also doing night feeds. Your DP is very unreasonable.

Yellowcrocodile · 21/07/2018 09:41

Pinkhorse - yes, absolutley! I’ve always been like this though, even as a child I slept more than my brother. My mum called me the perfect baby because I was always asleep Grin Sadly DD has not inherited those genes...

I would love to get a tidy 6 hours, say 12-6 and crack on with my day. The things I could get done! But my functioning rapidly declined if I don’t get what I need, and there’s no point trying to do anything, think about anything etc.

I do have a thyroid problem though, (treated) perhaps that could be contributing?

Unihorn · 21/07/2018 09:42

My husband is the same. I wake up every 2-3 hours to feed my 3 month old at the moment. We also have an almost two year old who wakes at about half 6. I will have broken sleep all night but still get up with the toddler and baby in the morning because he sleeps as if he's dead. I've given up on it now, I can function fine on little sleep as I think pregnancy trained me for it.

wellBeehivedWoman · 21/07/2018 09:44

7 hours of broken sleep is not the same as 7 hours unbroken, and some people do need more sleep than others. But regardless of that he's being a dick about this and should be pulling his weight!

FASH84 · 21/07/2018 09:47

For me it's not the amount of hours is how unbroken it is that gives me good sleep, at the moment I'm getting 7 ish hours but up twice a night to pee, so feel tired a lot, although that could just be working away and pregnancy. Even if he's tired it doesn't mean he gets to do nothing today!

PrincessPear · 21/07/2018 09:48

Those that sleep 9 or 10 hours, do you not feel like you're sleeping your life away?

Not with 9, but I hate sleeping more than that. I go to bed at 10 and get up at 7.

callymarch · 21/07/2018 09:50

Everyones different. i function best of 5-6 hours sleep, maybe a powernap of 30 mins in the afternoon. I'm a night owl and an early bird at the same time.

Oysterbabe · 21/07/2018 09:53

7 hours is loads. I haven't had that much sleep since December 2015 and manage to function and be nice to my partner.

MargaretCavendish · 21/07/2018 09:55

I do think people need different amounts of sleep - and as someone who doesn't need much, it took me a long time to learn to understand and be sympathetic to the fact that some people need more. I think it was about 50% of the reason my first live-in boyfriend and I split up - I was convinced he was oversleeping and that that's what made him tired, and I drove him absolutely mad over it... Blush

In my first year as a university lecturer, when I was still also finishing my PhD, I regularly used to work to 2am and then get up at 5.30 for my commute, and while it wasn't great I survived. I have a ten day old breastfed baby and while I am a bit tired from the broken sleep I actually feel quite good (don't hate me). But it's not some kind of special stoicism or something - it is just easier for me.

All that said... You were asking almost nothing of him so even if he did feel exhausted he should have sucked it up. Some people get much more tired than others but we can all power through for short periods if we really want to - I don't think he does really want to.

RideSallyRide76 · 21/07/2018 09:55

No excuse to be an arse and storm off, he could have let you get showered no problems. However, is there an issue with work too op?

Did he come on shattered from a busy week at work and then have a broken night? Just guessing?

He may have justification for being tired and grumpy. However you both need to be kind to each other, recognise that you are both tired and should each get some type of rest during the day. Doing the "I'm more tired than you" dance won't help anybody.

trevthecat · 21/07/2018 10:00

I need at least 9 hours. I can manage with less for maybe 2 days but then I get ill

NotBeforeCoffee · 21/07/2018 10:01

7 hours sleep! That is the dream!
My DH is similar. Somehow it's him that gets the afternoon nap even though I'm up all night feeding the baby

OneStepSideways · 21/07/2018 10:01

It's normal to feel tired and want more sleep but not to 'need' it! You learn to get by with less, it's practice. After 18 months of averaging 4-5 hours of broken sleep before sleep training, 6-7 hours is like a dream!

I used to go to work on 3 hours of broken sleep some days, I could still function because I had to. Lots of coffee and keep moving around.

Before kids I often worked nights, 5 hours sleep in the day then awake all night. I think your brain/body adjusts and you stop feeling tired after a few weeks.

bumfloss · 21/07/2018 10:01

I have to admit I'm the same when I'm tired Blush DH can function on much less sleep than me.

RoseMartha · 21/07/2018 11:51

He is being unreasonable . I usually manage on 5-6 hours if I get 7 it is a lay in. I have special needs child age 11 and often up 2 hours a night in one go or up and down several times equating to same time

Yellowcrocodile · 21/07/2018 11:59

For those saying it’s not ok to want more sleep than 6 hours Hmm there are serious health effects of long term sleep deprivation.

www.nhs.uk/live-well/sleep-and-tiredness/why-lack-of-sleep-is-bad-for-your-health/

Supportive partners would want their DP to get the right amount for them, non of this weird virtue signalling about how little sleep they can manage on and wanting anymore is lazy and unreasonable

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 21/07/2018 12:01

I am sorry but how on earth do you get 9 hours a sleep a night during the week? Surely with getting up for work you'd need to go to bed at like 9?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 21/07/2018 12:10

@nosleepquestion - different people need different amounts of sleep - there is no one hard-and-fast rule for everyone, so on that point YABU.

HOWEVER - that is a very small YABU, compared to how bloody unreasonable your dh is being! On 7 hours sleep, even if it was broken, he should be capable of looking after his children whilst his wife and the mother of those children has a few precious minutes to have a shower and get dressed in peace.

He is an arse, for not appreciating that, even if he does feel tired and hasn't had as much sleep as he really needs, YOU have had a lot less sleep than him, and done everything that needed doing for the baby and the toddler overnight and this morning, and he should suck up being a bit weary to look after his exhausted wife!!

DamnWhyAreAllTheUsernamesTaken · 21/07/2018 12:15

I would feel rough on that much sleep, more really that it was disturbed half way through and the amount of time kept awake was fairly long. Doesn’t excuse being stroppy though!