To ask them to pay

[Alwayscommuting]

So my little sister and myself are planning a surprise for my mum. She has a big birthday soon. She's not a party person so we've gone for dinner out.
We've reserved a function room at a hotel she likes and they've given us a special menu at £25 per head. My sister is still a student so she can't help and if I'm honest I'm not very well off myself so we have invited people to come and let them know ahead of time how much it will be per head.
I do feel a bit guilty, I would much rather have been able to pay for everyone and just have them come along. People invited are mostly family and a few people she's close with from work. So my question is WIBU to organise this knowing I would be asking people to pay their own way?

I think you are doing a nice thing. You have told them its pay for yourself so no surprises later. They can go or not if they wish.

Not everyone can afford to fund this kind of event for everyone (recently went to a family occasion where everyone paid for themselves - it was nice! In fact we all clubbed together so the person we were celebrating didn't have to pay) And so please do not feel bad that you cannot afford to "shout" everyone!

So long as you are clear and upfront, there is no problem. People can then decide to go or not go.

Maybe make it clear that presents are not required as the meal is enough. And let your mum know afterwards that the meal was her present from everyone.

@theymademejoin good shout, we'll get that buy added

*bit

I think this is fine because there is no doubt from the invitation stage about there being a cost to attend.

I think that you yourself are not behaving especially unfairly towards your sister herself and your mother herself. Not everyone can afford a party and pay for allselves so really yourself is making the best of the situation for everyoneself.

As long as yourself is clear to otherselves that themselves should be paying for oneself then it's fine.

I would say even a student can afford £25. They probs spend more than that on a night out

Nah, YANBU! If you let people know ahead of time it's perfectly fine. I'd see if I could stretch to a cake personally, but if not that's also fine.

trip, I got a headache reading that

@Lethaldrizzle my sister will be paying her own dinner but wasn't able to help me pay for everyone else.

@pasturesgreen my sister is a brilliant baker so she's going to make a cake.

😂 trip

Trip

I would expect to pay for myself at a meal out. The function room muddies it a little bit but as long as people are told in advance I think it's fine.

tripYouOut ah?

That's completely reasonable, I would expect to pay.

I've read it 6 times and I'm still none the wiser......🤷🏻‍♀️

Sorry OP didn't answer you!

I've been to many birthday meals where we've done this. It's too expensive to pay for everyone. As long as everyone knows in advance it will be fine!

I'd happily go if invited.

You've done the decent thing and told them prior to the meal. if anyone is snotty about it - it is their issue.

Yeah, it’s fine as long as you are up front about it and should probably pay for your mums as a present.

snowysky s/he is attempting to make a joke of the OP's incorrect use of the term 'myself'.

It's fine as long as you are clear upfront. We went to a friend's birthday tea who made it clear that it would cost us £15 each. We had a family get together in a function room, but paid £20 each for carvery 3 course lunch.

I think people are fine with this as long as they know in advance.

@tripYouOut evidently thinks s/he is amusing.

It's a meal out rather than a party so it's fine. You're not putting on a party and charging everyone to attend. You're simply asking people to pay their own way for a meal out which is perfectly reasonable.

She is

It's fine :) tell them in advance and you're good :)

If there are several people that might not be able to comfortably afford that and you still want them there... Hm, there's no way to order a cheaper menu, right?

But that depends on your family/the circumstances of the people your mother is close to.

i this is 2 20 somethings doing this for their mum (and no dad around) i'd think it fine.
if it was some 40 somethings for a 60 something mum i'd think it should be hosted by one of them.
How would drinks work? will everyone be buying their own?