AIBU or is he...

[Sealant]

Me, DH and our 5 month old baby have been out for the evening, nice night with no rows or drama.

We was upstairs in a venue without a lift so had to carry the pram up and back down. As DH had drunk quite a few pints, I asked another family member who we was with to help me carry the pram down, with the sleeping baby inside, as we were leaving.

DH has taken offence to this, saying I have mugged him off and that I’m saying he would intentionally put our baby at risk. He said that if he felt he was too drunk to carry the pram then he would have said so, it’s his decision to make.

He chewed my ear off the whole drive home and despite trying I couldn’t articulate a response which would appease him.

So AIBU or is he?

He’s being a petty twat who feels that someone else is taking his manhood away by doing a manly job for him. Ignore him.

Your husband is being a prick,

*we were upstairs

He's defensive about his drinking, which suggests that he's aware that there's an issue about it.

YANBU. People who are intoxicated cannot reliable judge how intoxicated they are.

NC fail?

Nope. Just me being pedantic. I usually ignore grammatical errors in other people's posts, but I really can't cope with "we was". I get irrationally angry! Soŕry OP.

He is BU, not you

The fact that he is even arguing this suggests he's had a beer to many and therefore you were right to ask someone else to help. Hopefully in the morning he'll realise he was being OTT. Try not to stress about it, he's being a bit of a prat!

So this morning he knows he overreacted but still thinks we should have had a conversation about it rather than me just making the decision.

I don’t know how to respond to him!

Shrug and say 'OK, now are you going to apologise for banging on about it, way out of all proportion?

Because his wasn't any reflection on his role as father, it was one small favour. If there's a reason (other than being more drink than perhaps he realised) then it might be worth knowing it.

I wouldn’t bother responding to him at all. He’s had his say. You’ve listened to his opinion and will continue to make sensible decisions based on your own risk assessment. But you can think that in your head without needing to have an argument about it.

I’ve always enjoyed the phrase “you can be invited to an argument but you don’t have to accept”.

You've both had a drink. Never makes for reasoned discussion.

Mugged off? How old is your husband?

"Mugged off? How old is your husband?"

This is what I was about to say. My 10 year old and his mates say this. Never heard it from am adult before.

Your husband is being irrationally childlike

Does he dislike the relative who helped you? Is there a back history here?

Is this man often an attention-seeking prick who takes offence at you disagreeing with him or not being sufficiently grovelling when you are in public together?

The fact that you note it was a ‘nice night with no rows or drama’ suggests that is unusual. Is he this obstreperous and drunk fairly often ?

To answer the questions being asked...

I hadn’t had a drink, I’m breastfeeding and we had the baby with us.

No back story with family member, he gets on well with her.

It’s normal for us to have a nice night, no rows. Was just clarifying as I’d questioned myself whether something else had happened which could be bothering him. In fact we’d had a chat earlier about how good a dad I think he is and my only complaint is that sometimes I don’t think he appreciates how hard it can be being at home with the baby all the time.

DH is 38, very stubborn and doesn’t like being told what to do! No one else would know he was annoyed at “what I’d done” he waited until we got in the car.

He still thinks I’m the one in the wrong, nothing I’m saying is convincing him otherwise.

I’m wondering if there is a bigger issue here. Yesterday morning I said to him I’m going to give the baby some of my banana, giving him the opportunity to object before I’d actually done it. He picked me up that I was telling him what I was doing rather than discussing it with him.

Why would you need to tell him before giving the baby some banana ? Is he controlling ?

Because she isn’t on solids yet and we’d decided together that we’d wait until 6 months as we’d read somewhere that weaning earlier can cause digestive issues.

I’d mentioned the day before that I really think she’s ready for weaning and explained my reasons but we hadn’t agreed to bring it forward.

He sounds very childish tbh. And also very petty! I know you're saying he's not normally like this, but is that because you normally let him have his way? Neither of the incidents you've described should have warranted an argument. He sounds very much like a man-child.

I notice that you say that he's stubborn and doesn't like to be told what to do. That's not a good sign, marriage should be about compromise, both parties should be prepared to back down sometimes.

He sounds like a teenager. Is he usually childish and silly?

And yes, standard advice it not to wean until 6 months, but why would he ‘object’ to you weaning anyway? Very odd.

If baby isn’t 6 months yet, don’t give her solids,

Remember that he is your partner, not your boss, your parent or your owner. You don't need his 'permission' to say or do things.
It's not uncommon for men to start throwing their weight about when the first baby arrives, if they have previously been accustomed to having everything their own way.

He sounds controlling. Has the baby had solid food before? If not why would a bit of banana require a discussion? Unless you made a huge song and dance about DH being too drunk to do it I can't see why he'd care that someone else had helped with the pram. I would have just asked the nearest family member to help if it had been me.