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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL and Hen Do

38 replies

NeedMoreZzZ · 21/06/2018 20:17

I've name changed for this one!

My step SIL (to be) on DFIL' s side (MIL and FIL are divorced) is arranging my hen do.

On Monday, MIL told SIL that she was bringing her 11yo with her to the hen do and they'd be leaving at 8. Not once did she ask if she could come.

I don't want a child at my hen do. It's an adult event and I want to let my hair down. I messaged MIL very nicely to say 11yo isn't invited as it's a hen do. MIL replied no problem.

SIL has informed me that MIL has messaged her saying she won't be coming anymore and she doesn't understand why her own mother can't be involved (DP's Grandmother). So basically MIL is no longer coming because she can't bring her mother and 11yo daughter along?

What's really pissed me off is that the date was rearranged to suit MIL as she kicked up a fuss about the date. This has resulted in my best friend not being able to come as she's on holiday on that date.

So now MIL isn't coming and my best friend isn't either Angry

AIBU? My DM has suggesting to allow the 11yo to come along to keep the peace but why should I? This is my hen do not MIL's.

OP posts:
Family121 · 21/06/2018 20:19

i would change the date so your BF can come x

Picklepickle123 · 21/06/2018 20:20

I would rearrange on the original date so your best friend can come. Your MIL is kicking up a stink either way so you might as well do it the way you want.

HollowTalk · 21/06/2018 20:21

Don't be daft, she can't invite an 11 year old to a hen do, ffs!

Can you change the date and invite your best friend now? Do it quickly while your MIL is still saying she won't come!

Original poster
NeedMoreZzZ · 21/06/2018 20:21

The date can't be changed now as the room has been paid for and everyone would lose their money Sad I'm gutted! Feel so stupid for allowing MIL to dictate the date Angry

OP posts:
NomNomNomNom · 21/06/2018 20:21

YANBU. MiL is trying to take control of hen night and turn it into the kind of event she wants. Most people don't have Mil's at hen nights anyway. It's usually a night out with friends.

HollowTalk · 21/06/2018 20:23

How much would they lose? I'd happily pay again for a friend.

HollowTalk · 21/06/2018 20:24

I wouldn't have wanted my mum or my mother in law on my hen night. It's a night for your friends and sisters, not the next generation up.

ShouldofWouldofCouldof · 21/06/2018 20:27

Her sour grapes. I would crack on and let her have her tantrum. I've been to different types of hen dos, some have been semi child friendly others you wouldn't want a child within a mile radius. I would msg mil and say you're upset that she is now not comming but you would feel you couldnt let your hair down with a child present as youre planning on drinking and playing rude games..( or something to that effect) you hope she can find child care and join you in your celebration.

SoftBallSophie · 21/06/2018 20:28

Totally inappropriate to invite an 11YO to a hen do...your MIL is bonkers!

HollowTalk · 21/06/2018 20:29

Could you explain to the person at the place you've booked - say what a narrow escape you've had and will they please, please, PLEASE let you change the date?!

NapQueen · 21/06/2018 20:30

Have you contacted the venue to see if they would allow a transfer to an alternative date?

Anon12345ABC · 21/06/2018 20:30

Bloody hell! Of course you don't take an 11 year old on a hen do. My MIL certainly wasn't invited to mine anyway.

Be glad she isn't coming. Who wants their MIL and GIL on their hen night anyway.

Dreamingofkfc · 21/06/2018 20:32

I can't believe you would have a hen do without your best friend? So odd

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 21/06/2018 20:33

Yabu not to want a hen party at Build - A-Bear!! Grin

GinandGingerBeer · 21/06/2018 20:37

Ask the venue if you can change the date, it's worth a shot.
Basically mil wants you to agree to let 11yo and grandma come.
I'd send her a very cheerful breezy 'ok Audrey shame you've decided not to come but I understand. Why not have a nice day out just you Grandma Annie and little Daisy?
*insert correct name Smile

Original poster
NeedMoreZzZ · 21/06/2018 20:42

It's not just the room that's been booked but an activity that won't allow dates to be changed. MIL hasn't even had the curtosy to tell me she's no longer coming.

OP posts:
Iggi999 · 21/06/2018 20:46

No one from HD's side of the family came to my hen do. Why on earth would they?
Are you sure you want to marry into this? Years of aibu threads ahead of you...

crispysausagerolls · 21/06/2018 20:52
  1. it’s absurd that she tried to bring a child to your hen do
  2. how fucking rude to not even have told you! I would be raging about that!
shiklah · 21/06/2018 20:52

I would respond and remind them that you changed the dates for them and you want to spend a grown up, fun evening together. Tell them you are finding it a shame that they aren't willing to compromise.

HollowTalk · 21/06/2018 20:53

I have two children in their twenties and I think my role as mother should be to hand over some cash for drinks and ask to see photos afterwards.

shiklah · 21/06/2018 20:55

I don't get the whole 'invite the in laws' either - me and my 3 best mates had a really fun night, I can't imagine MIL being their!

ohfourfoxache · 21/06/2018 20:56

Yanbu at all - but you know now never to let her dictate anything ever again

Laiste · 21/06/2018 20:56

MIL and granny wouldn't be top of the list of hen night invitations here either.

You're stuck with it now though OP, so count your blessings - MIL and her mother aren't coming anymore :)

Poloshot · 21/06/2018 20:56

Proper nutcase behaviour from your MIL

BarryTheKestrel · 21/06/2018 20:59

I refused to have MIL or DM at my hen. We had a family meal for DM, MIL, grandmothers etc a few weeks afterwards but prior to the wedding as that's what they wanted to do. It was lovely.

Fuck MIL trying to invite an 11 year old to a hen do. Totally not appropriate.