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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL and Hen Do

38 replies

NeedMoreZzZ · 21/06/2018 20:17

I've name changed for this one!

My step SIL (to be) on DFIL' s side (MIL and FIL are divorced) is arranging my hen do.

On Monday, MIL told SIL that she was bringing her 11yo with her to the hen do and they'd be leaving at 8. Not once did she ask if she could come.

I don't want a child at my hen do. It's an adult event and I want to let my hair down. I messaged MIL very nicely to say 11yo isn't invited as it's a hen do. MIL replied no problem.

SIL has informed me that MIL has messaged her saying she won't be coming anymore and she doesn't understand why her own mother can't be involved (DP's Grandmother). So basically MIL is no longer coming because she can't bring her mother and 11yo daughter along?

What's really pissed me off is that the date was rearranged to suit MIL as she kicked up a fuss about the date. This has resulted in my best friend not being able to come as she's on holiday on that date.

So now MIL isn't coming and my best friend isn't either Angry

AIBU? My DM has suggesting to allow the 11yo to come along to keep the peace but why should I? This is my hen do not MIL's.

OP posts:
Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 21/06/2018 21:04

I didn't even have mil at the wedding never mind the hen night!!

Rachie1973 · 21/06/2018 21:07

eek! I've been invited to both my DIL's hen nights!

I do get on with them well though, and I'm really quite mad at times lol

mumsastudent · 21/06/2018 21:10

crikey didn't go to daughter hen do & do be honest no desire to do so - don't know who would be more embarrassed by "letting hair down" :)

SaltyPeanut · 21/06/2018 21:11

Lol...MIL is self centred and batshit...an 11 year old and a nanna at a hen do...I'd have rather had all my teeth taken out through my eyeballs without anaesthetic than have my MIL at my hen do.

You poor thing. Stop trying to be so nice because she doesn't deserve it.

JessicaJonesJacket · 21/06/2018 21:11

Maybe it's a cultural difference but in our extended family an 11-yr-old DSIL would come to a hen night as would a granny. They'd leave early (as DMIL planned to do).

Raritys · 21/06/2018 21:11

Not unreasonable at all!

Ethylred · 21/06/2018 21:15

All this does is confirm that every aspect of a hen do is idiotic.

Tiptoethr0ughthetulips · 21/06/2018 21:15

YANBU. What does your DP think? Does she have form for this shit. Wtf brings an 11 year old on a hen do...she's a nutter.

WeeM · 21/06/2018 21:23

Wtf, seriously batshit...I invited my mum and mil to mine although they never came. I certainly didn’t invite any grannies or children! I’d prob be more raging she hadn’t bothered to actually tell me she wasn’t coming, especially since the date was changed for her!!

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 21/06/2018 21:25

you were really nice to invite them, you have done everything right.
MIL Is not coming, ignore it, and be grateful if she doesn't turn up with the child anyway.

You are allowed to be royally pissed off, but if you can't change the dates at all, don't let it spoil your hen. At least you know you can completely ignore whatever request she can come up with for the actual wedding.

HeGotManFlu · 21/06/2018 21:28

Do you want your mil there, like you say it's your hen do, not hers, you invite who you want

Original poster
NeedMoreZzZ · 21/06/2018 21:56

Tbh I'm not bothered if she come anymore or not. She's fucked me off. Still hasn't said anything to me at all. DP is fuming but I don't want him falling out with his mum over this.

OP posts:
BristolThenSome · 22/06/2018 11:11

you've learned a valuable lesson, early on.
swt the tone now and do not pander to her, but remain polite :) it will establish firm boundaries going forwards

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