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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at his games??

38 replies

piterdevries · 19/06/2018 10:28

My DH is in his 40s, still hangs around with a few of his old uni mates. They are mostly decent types, more bookish than laddish.

They like to play dungeons and dragons, so I am used to vacating the dining room with the DC most Thursdays whilst they sit around pretending to be elves Grin

Recently though I overheard one of his friends (who sort of is an umpire and describes what is going on) describing one of the others performing a sex act on the DH's chaeacter . I listened for a bit and it seems to be if a character messes up they have to do degrading things for the other characters, they used the term 'sex cauldron' or something like that.

Now this cracked me up for ages, but as the weekend wore on I started to get annoyed with how puerile and juvenile it is especially for a bunch of 40 something's!! So tempted to say something to DH and stop them playing - feel like I have an extra DC!!

OP posts:
Maelstrop · 19/06/2018 10:31

Never heard of the sex thing with D&D, but it sounds very inappropriate with DC around. I'd be having words. Also, sod having to vacare the room: they can take it in turns round each other's houses if they must carry on.

KinkyAfro · 19/06/2018 10:34

Sort of thing I'd expect to come from a group of teenagers, not grown adults. Pretty disgusting too IMO, I wouldn't be happy

Stefoscope · 19/06/2018 10:53

Can they take it in turns to host at each others' houses, so you get a bit of a break? Must admit I wouldn't like it if my DP had his RPG group around the house every week, as they have a pretty disgusting sense of humour (sex cauldron is exactly the type of thing they would come up with).

Bluntness100 · 19/06/2018 11:01

That's a little bit weird to be honest. Bunch of straight blokes describing sex acts they are doing to each other? Even under the guise of characters, it's quite unusual.

angryburd · 19/06/2018 11:01

Sex cauldron?? I thought they closed that place down!

SparklyMagpie · 19/06/2018 11:05

Yeah abit weird Confused

Original poster
piterdevries · 19/06/2018 12:42

Thank you, glad I wasn't being too prudish over this! Have spoken to DH about moving the gaming (one of his friends lives alone so has no excuse) and also their juvenile behaviour. He took it all on board tbf, although apparently in their uni days they would have to do degrading things in person!! Confused Not sexual, but obviously disgusting.

Glad I put a nail into the coffin of it sharpish

OP posts:
DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 19/06/2018 12:47

@angryburd Grin my immediate thought!

Original poster
piterdevries · 20/06/2018 15:48

So the plot thickens and not in a good way!!

I kept needling DH about all this most of yesterday evening and it turns out that his uni experiences were a trifle more debauched than I knew, all linked to this bloody game!!

Without going into details, the two main sticking points are:

1, he has touched one of his friends in a hot tub 'down there' as a punishment for his character messing up a roll!

2, his gaming group included two ladies who I didn't know about, not sure if they were involved at all.

He also mentioned mooning a camera whilst they were on some 'quest' to find a rare kind of frog or something.

DH doesn't see what the big deal is, for him its all ancient history for me its brand new information! He even yelled a bit at me when it got heated, he's never yelled at me before.

I am quite shocked by all this, I never had him down as the type

OP posts:
Walkingdeadfangirl · 20/06/2018 15:51

Best he carries on his sex D&D at a different venue then.

SparklyMagpie · 20/06/2018 15:51

Never heard of any of that shit going on in D&D

Sounds like their playing hard'ons & dragons if anything

Mrsharrison · 20/06/2018 15:53

A lot of "straight" men have experiences like this, under the guise of gaming.

Turn it around - would you touch your girlfriend's fanny because you lost Park Lane in Monopoly?

I know I wouldn't.

jainaproudm · 20/06/2018 15:53

D&D players are weird. D&D gets weird.

I say this as a D&D player myself...

I don't think it's overly concerning, tbh. Especially the uni stuff. Just stupid uni pissing around. But you should definitely tell them to tone the weirder bits down if there are kids around, and don't let your house become the de facto HQ for their games!

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 20/06/2018 15:54

Sounds like a teenager,
Ltb.

shinycat · 20/06/2018 15:56

Very weird. Confused

YouTheCat · 20/06/2018 16:34

Is your past blemish-free?

Why would him touching another man when he was at uni (so many years ago) be a problem? It's not like he's still doing this now you're together.

Leave the poor bloke to his game. It sounds pretty harmless.

SparklyMagpie · 20/06/2018 16:35

@Mrsharrison thank you for my favourite comment of the day !

sockunicorn · 20/06/2018 16:46

Turn it around - would you touch your girlfriend's fanny because you lost Park Lane in Monopoly?

i am crying laughing. they're the new rules my family are playing by at christmas round at my mums!

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 20/06/2018 16:55

His past is irrelevant imo.
The fact he is still so hooked on a game at his age would piss me off!

Yokatsu · 20/06/2018 16:56

I think it's the fact that the waters muddied between past and present.

Personally I think people do stupid stuff when they're young. But what you've said about the group currently is naturally going to leave you questioning whether it is actually in the past.

I be having a long think about what outcome I wanted out of this and telling DH to do the same. He needs to decide whether he has outgrown the group, or the group has outgrown its past. I'd be expecting door open and nothing happening that couldn't be repeated in front of you or children.

Otherwise I'd be thinking I had definitely outgrown him

YouTheCat · 20/06/2018 19:07

Why is one Thursday a week too much? Is that just because it's a game? It's way too complicated for kids.

Why are some hobbies deemed more worthy than others? It's really snobbish.

DaveyouareanuttertwatDave · 20/06/2018 19:11

Turn it around - would you touch your girlfriend's fanny because you lost Park Lane in Monopoly? Haha! So funny Grin
Grin

Cambionome · 20/06/2018 19:18

My God - how utterly pathetic and childish! Confused I would honestly be embarrassed by this behaviour if my dh did this.

Has he not learnt how to be an adult yet?

Whocansay · 20/06/2018 19:19

Sex cauldron? WTF is a bloody SEX CAULDRON?!?!? What is the context? Is it 'come and have a look in my sex cauldron'?

(I appreciate this is not the point of the thread, but it's making me giggle.)

I would be mentioning it LOTS though,

ScreamingValenta · 20/06/2018 19:20

Which RPG are they playing, if you can say this without identifying yourself?