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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Over 16's only?

36 replies

myangelsx · 13/06/2018 13:57

I'm getting married next July and both me and my partner have big families. It's not an extravagant wedding so we're having to be a bit tight with the guest list.

Is it unreasonable to say children 16+ only? Including young children adds about 30 guests to our list.

However... I have 14 nieces and nephews, 2 step daughters and my own daughter who will be 1 at the time of wedding that will have to be there because they are close family 🙈

Help???

OP posts:
Trinity66 · 13/06/2018 13:59

I think it's perfectly reasonable, its your wedding after all. My brother is getting married soon and they have an over 12's rule

Sirzy · 13/06/2018 14:00

Invite who you want, but if your inviting 17 under 16s then don’t make a point of no under 16s just make it clear on each invite who is invited and don’t be offended if some can’t make it.

RuLu · 13/06/2018 14:00

We did! We couldn't fit all the children so explained that to people before sending the invitations. Almost everyone was fine with it....apart from one who brought them anyway despite being told no when they asked if they could come!

adaline · 13/06/2018 14:03

I don't see a problem. Family being invited is not the same as all your friends bringing their children :)

Trinity66 · 13/06/2018 14:05

apart from one who brought them anyway despite being told no when they asked if they could come!

some people have no shame, the cheek!

Original poster
myangelsx · 13/06/2018 14:08

So for example, my partners cousin has 4 children, ages 16, 13, 8 and 3. I get on with his eldest and although she is a child she's not so much a 'child' if that makes sense?

But can I invite just one of his children? This is my dilemma

OP posts:
Original poster
myangelsx · 13/06/2018 14:08

@RuLu Omg no way! 🙈

OP posts:
Poloshot · 13/06/2018 14:10

Perfectly reasonable

Trinity66 · 13/06/2018 14:10

So for example, my partners cousin has 4 children, ages 16, 13, 8 and 3. I get on with his eldest and although she is a child she's not so much a 'child' if that makes sense?

But can I invite just one of his children? This is my dilemma

Of course you can, some people will be fine with it and some won't, weddings almost always cause offense to someone over something so just do what you want to do really. What does your partner think about his cousins kids and what their parents will think about it?

frasier · 13/06/2018 14:11

RuLu Grrr this is my MIL. Well, SIL’s children but MIL calls the shots with her and them and tells her “it’s ok to take the kids” regardless of what the hosts have requested.

She works on the principle “It's easier to ask forgiveness than it is to get permission” except she doesn’t ask forgiveness or even apologise.

Be prepared for those to ignore your request OP.

Maryann1975 · 13/06/2018 14:14

Don’t invite just one of the 4 children, I would think that was rude. All the children or none of the children from each family.

But it’s your wedding and i guess it depends on the family dynamics.

Original poster
myangelsx · 13/06/2018 14:14

We don't really have much to do with the kids to be honest, we only really meet up with the cousins for nights out/football games when the kids aren't even there

OP posts:
Original poster
myangelsx · 13/06/2018 14:15

But the 16 year old does always come along to everything except nights out

OP posts:
Trinity66 · 13/06/2018 14:17

We don't really have much to do with the kids to be honest, we only really meet up with the cousins for nights out/football games when the kids aren't even there

Everyone is different I guess but I only invited the oldest cousin from each family to my wedding and definitely not their kids. The only kid I invited were my own, nephews/nieces and two very closes friends kids. No one (that I know of :p ) was offended

Trinity66 · 13/06/2018 14:20

But the 16 year old does always come along to everything except nights out

You should call the cousin and say "look we're having a rule at our wedding not to invite under 16s but before we send the invites out we wanted to run it passed you first about whether to invite -whatever her name is- or would you feel awkward about that and prefer if we didn't invite her if the other 3 kids aren't invited?"

RuLu · 13/06/2018 14:23

It was embarrassing as there was no space for them....but they took seats anyway! So other people didn't have anywhere to sit!!!!

spanishwife · 13/06/2018 14:27

I personally don't think you can invite one child from a family and not others. You need to decide family per family and do all adults or everyone.

AlexanderHamilton · 13/06/2018 14:29

You invite specific people.

So its fine for you to invite your siblings and their children, (your nephews and neices)
You can then invite your cousins but its also fine not invite their children (your second cousins?)

And its fine to invite your best friend and her children but not the children of work colleagues.

gillybeanz · 13/06/2018 14:29

Personally, I think it's wrong to invite some children and not others.
it's your wedding though.
I'd have to have all or none tbh.

AlexanderHamilton · 13/06/2018 14:31

But I don't think its acceptible to invite some chidren of a family but not others eg I would be fine with being invited to a wedding and my kids not being invited but I would be offended if dd was invited (16) and not ds (14)

Iloveacurry · 13/06/2018 14:35

Like you say, just invite immediate family kids. Your children and nieces and nephews. Regarding your partners cousins kids, I wouldn’t invite them at all as they’re 2nd cousins.

wizzywig · 13/06/2018 14:37

You know one of your guests is commentinh on this?

wizzywig · 13/06/2018 14:39

Sorry in another thread. Unless its a coincidence

Timeisslippingaway · 13/06/2018 14:39

I wouldn't tell people they couldn't bring their children to my wedding if I was having my own children and nieces and nephews there.

RideOn · 13/06/2018 14:39

I'd stick to just the family children. Of the cousin with 4 children I would just invite the cousin and partner.

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