To ask about your child's gaming habits? Advice please.

[ArsenalsPlayingAtHome]

Basically I've let it all slide...I know my DS 12 yrs is spending ridiculous amounts of time playing Fortnight. I acknowledge it's my fault and I'm putting things in place as from this afternoon, as he will never voluntarily come off it ever!

He's in Y8.

Please can I ask how much time you allow your DCs spend on their PS4s/XBox, and their ages. Also if you think you've got the balance right?

Is it a constant battle?

Also, what chores are you chldren of similar (or older/younger) children doing? What else are they doing with their spare time?

Are they only allowed on if all HW & revision & chores are completed?

TBH I am annoyed at myself for allowing it to get so out of hand, and am determined to change.

I won't judge, far from it. I'm expecting and hoping lots of super organised parents to post, who have super regimented boundaries in place, but if there's anyone else out there in my position that would also help.

TIA.

Dragging him off for a walk with dogs soon, but will definitely catch up on all the suggestions on our return.

As much as he likes.

As long as homework is done, he helps round the house when I ask and doesn't have ludicrously late bedtimes I let him do his thing.

He's 14. Nearly 15.

I don’t have any rules around gaming time, apart from it’s switched off an hour before bed.

My son doesn’t have a problem switching it off when asked to.

11yr old - not at all Mon-Thurs
Fri/Sat/Sun 2-3hrs

School hols it’s 2-3hrs most days.

He’d be on it every waking moment if we let him but he’s used to these rules and happy enough with them.

I'm pretty lax. But we do have some fortnight rules and he can "earn" time on it. My DS is younger so we've taken the approach of going out as a family to make sure he has fresh air and screen free time.

DS is 12 and rules are no gaming before 9am and to switch off when asked if we are going out (we give him advanced warning so he can time manage it himself and finish the game in time) and weekends he plays until 10pm but school days he is in bed by 9pm. He isn't always playing, likes watching the YouTubers gaming too.

He gets his homework done, tidies his room, washing in washing basket etc, so we have no worries. Sometime we get grief and we come down on him, and he soon sorts himself out.

I think the worrying bit for me is that he chooses to play with his friends online rather than them all playing down the park together, but I think that's how many kids are these days. We've become (as a society) so risk averse to letting young kids out to play that by the time they are older and can go out to play, the don't want to.

Just to add, he does play in the garden with his sister, watch TV with us, etc he isn't ALWAYS playing online.

None before school, few hours after school. Pretty lax at weekends while we're at home. Haven't got Fortnite though, bit dubious about something so addictive. He has Minecraft but I find that creative/educational (Obsidian, who knew? ) He's 10

I'd rather the kids found another 'hobby'. Hate gaming. Kids get so addicted.

I game myself and actually game with my DS sometimes, we played fortnite together last night.

At that age he would game from 3 till 6.30 every day after school then it was dinner, homework, tv, his chore was doing the dishwasher. At the weekends he played football and then would game after we had been out for lunch which we did straight after his match taking a change of clothes with us and some wet wipes in case he was super muddy. He also had training one evening a week.

He had to keep his own room tidy and clean and put his washing on.

He games a lot less now as he is in air cadets and is chatting to multiple girls who seem to find him charming and who he gets me to say hello to when he is face timing them.

Thanks for all comments so far. It's really helpful getting other perspectives. Will catch up later to see any more before I have the discussion

Ideally all homework done, and helping with appropriate chores as needed.
No other limits, as long as the gaming isn't interfering with "real life". (Eg if they need to be home at a certain time for a game, or turn down family outings for gaming).
They should come off it when asked, with reasonable notice eg "find a checkpoint/finish this round then come off" rather than "switch it off now please".

Any refusal to come off, or excessive arguing with siblings etc over the games and they lose access to it for a period of time.

I've always been a heavy gamer myself, less so now. I don't really see it as any different to TV, reading, etc so wouldn't normally limit it any differently. However there are times when you can end up with an unhealthy balance - for me I found this when playing games which started to demand I be available at certain times or for certain periods of time, and around exam time. (I had a pretty poor balance between revision time and gaming time, though not sure if this would have been the same with eg TV).

DH has decided to crack down recently but is completely inconsistent & capricious about it, so heck if I know or even DC know how much they get to do. Was stricter regime when I was SAHP b/c kids had specific time allowance, about 2 hrs each non-school day IIRC, and that only after homework or chores. That system went out window after we let 15yo DS get own desktop PC & I went back to WOHP status. We might manage to invoke chores/writing exercises in summer hols (making mental note to talk to DH about that).

last night 13yoDS was on (partly Fortnite!) for about 1.25 hours.
Just this last week, I make him do some revision before allowed to log on (GCSE exam on Monday). Rain much of tomorrow, so I am expecting something like 4-6 hrs gaming.

My teen girl has never done any of this, btw. She does about 2 hrs/gaming per year.

Same as other PPs, no fixed rules but he's expected to come off at 8pm when his brother goes to bed and also expected to help out with chores when asked without moaning, also to do all his homework. If gaming interfered with any of those things I'd introduce restrictions. I've been lucky so far that this approach has worked, he's 14 and pretty good at self regulating. He has other interests outside of gaming which really helps.

I'm quite lax but no gaming before school or 9am on the weekend/holidays. If he doesn't turn it off when I ask him too then the controllers will go to work with my husband and he'll forget to bring them home. He's 12 and ASD so it's a real challenge with just these few rules.

My DS is 10 we have a diary on the dining table and every morning I write a list of what needs to be done by what time before they are free to do whatever they want. The list is usually something like:

1. Reading (20 mins)
2. Spellings practice (5 mins)
3. Maths sheet (10 mins - Thursdays)
4. English sheet (10 mins - Mondays)
5. Chore (recycling, tidying shoes, emptying small bins in bedrooms etc)

As long as all of these are ticked off by 9pm (bedtime) he can do whatever he wants with his spare time. His first choice would be Fortnite as it is with most kids at the moment. It doesn’t bother me. I grew up playing Megadrive and SNES whenever I could and still love gaming but I’m a fully functioning hard working adult so I think they can be unfairly demonised.

Oh and he has sports training 4 nights a week too so he is definitely getting enough exercise.

I have one the exact same age and one older. Yes to everything you say - it’s slid and I’m struggling to control it. Add in iphone addiction to youtube and spending hours watching others play games when i drag him off xbox. I hate it all and feel no control, i think it actually depresses me and makes me feel a bit if a failure as a mother. Hopefully now the better weather is here i can get him outside and away from the electronics - i find it all a huge depressing battle tbh.

I think it’s difficult now with games that “require” you to play along with others. I play a game on my iPad and I’m in a guild (yes I’m a bit of a geek) but I am leaving the guild because they want people on at certain times to help with certain quests etc and I want to just play for fun, as and when. I don’t want responsibilities in a damn game!

I’m an adult to I can just say “no, not for me” with no consequences but if I was a school kid playing this with my friends it would be a lot harder.

I think as long as chores and homework were done I’d let them play, but there is definitely pressure to play in these types of games.

8 and 12 year old. They can play Fridays, weekends and in the school holidays. They have to do their homework and chores first. Chores are tidying bedroom and office (where the Xbox is), put out the recycling and go through the house picking up any bits that are theirs. I don’t set time restrictions when they do play for and they’ve got pretty good at managing it themselves.

We do go out a lot and they have their sports training as well so really, in the School term, they would probably play around 6-8 hours in total, over the three days.

Hth and good luck

DS1 is 12 and plays it as and when he likes. He does his homework, helps around the house and is a pretty well-behaved kid as they go so I tend to be laid-back. If he was on it every waking moment I'd maybe have to limit it but it's never been an issue.

He doesn't seem overly bothered with it at the minute; we bought a Switch for Christmas and he'll have a few games of MarioKart on it with DS2 as they prefer to play together but he can go a few days or even weeks between xbox sessions.

No limit here as long as homework is completed. No gaming before school at all but after school ds (13) tells me what homework he has and he's unrestricted once that is done. If he's chatting to friends I'm fine with it but if he's not in a 'party' I ask him to come off and do something else for a while

My sister has a year 9 boy and he’s on it all the time, probably from the minute he gets home until bed. On weeknights he probably stays up until midnight playing it in his room (if not later) and on Friday/Saturday nights he basically plays until he’s drops because he knows he’s allowed to stay in bed the next day. My sister has told me that sometimes he plays until 3-4am. He then gets up just after lunch the following day.

He looks exhausted all the time, is ill quite frequently and his school work is slipping.

I can’t believe my sister allows this to happen, I can’t get my head around it. I have told her to put limits on it, take it out his bedroom etc etc but she won’t because she said he goes mental if she tries it and so it’s not worth the hassle.

It baffles me.

My 10 yr old twin boys are not allowed on the PS4 at all on school days. At weekends they play for about an hour at a time. One of them has some issues with behaviour if it’s any longer - I think he gets overstimulated.
They have tablets too and go on those after school while I’m sorting out dinner. After dinner no screens at all!

To me they are still very young for all this, but I know their classmates have fewer restrictions. According to my Y7 students at school I am ridiculously strict!!!

Also we only have 1 tv in the house and the tablets are kept strictly in the lounge too!
Reading this thread has opened my eyes to how much I limit gaming - much more than I thought!!

I’m quite lax about it to be honest - we’re all a gaming family and I see many benefits to it too. As long as dc have homework/chores done, we find a balance between playing outside, reading and gaming.
My older dc play now and then but my dd (9) has become somewhat of a whiz and has taught herself coding and actually makes a lot of her own games and custom content. I don’t want to be telling her to stop that, as she’s already had an hour on her pc - it’s something I like to encourage.