To be bored hearing about these women's husbands?

[Chaosandchocolate]

I study with a group of women. A really varied interesting group, intelligent, lots of experience.
I feel awful criticising them because they are a lovely group, very supportive.

But every time we meet it seems there is a lot of conversation about their husbands. Grumbles about their lack of housework of childcare skills etc. All quite light-hearted and quite a few laughs.

AIBU though to be disappointed that nearly every conversation includes this. Or is it natural to talk about your partner. Is this typical? I'm separated so maybe I just can't find much to contribute, hence bored. But I don't remember doing this. Seems disappointing that bright women sit talking about their husbands.

What do you do? Discuss Homer's The Iiad at length?

I presume they're just chatting about their home-life. Can't see how it would diminish their intelligence in any way.

I don't think it diminishes their intelligence. I'm just surprised. Pretty sure my friends don't do this, can only think of one who talks a lot about her partner.
I suppose I'm disappointed that their husbands feature highly as a topic in light-hearted banter - and the predicability of the laughs.

Well it’s better then people showing you photos of their children and endless chatter about how clever they are!

At least you can take the piss out of husbands

If I can't take the piss out of DP with my friends I'll just stay home with a good book.

At least you can take the piss out of husbands

True!

Just me being a grump then

Friends and I love ranting about partners to each other. We love them dearly but who else would you rant to?!

Friends and I love ranting about partners to each other.
Really haven't come across friends doing this.

Nah I’m with you. I don’t mind chatting about kids and husbands but I have more to say than that, I have interests of my own and opinions that I’d like to conversations about.

I do love having a moan about the DH but it has to be interspersed with other things!

Agree with you Chaos

What else do they have in life? Hobbies, trips?

People generally talk about what they experience so if all they’ve done recently is look after kids and evenings with hubby then that may be all they have to talk about. Try steering the conversation into other things like holiday plans or films or hobbies. Whatever you choose really.

Are you married OP? Low level affectionate grumbling about partners is massively common in female friendship groups. It's a bonding thing. Amazed you haven't come across it unless you're very young.

Well she has a point. Yes after a moan you really do talk about other things or it’s frankly deadly boring. Try politics op that should stir it up

Oh or Brexit!!

No, separated. But we were together over 15 years. I've got a handful of close woman friends who I have been quite open with, including relationship difficulties - but not this low level day to day stuff.
(Maybe that's because I don't engage in it, I wonder if they do it with others and it's just me)

It's possible a few of the women don't think they have much to talk about. I think they are mistaken, I've heard them be really interesting. But they do sometimes sound rather in awe of their husbands careers.

I talk to my friends about my DP and imagine he does me. Not endlessly so the other people involved are bored, it’s not like the main body of conversation or anything but it’s normal and natural to crop up. If it’s ALL they talk about you have a point.

I'm with you @chaos unless something specific has happened me and my friends don't tend to grumble about our husbands. I think that you say they moan about lack of housework, childcare etc speaks volumes about their lives. Most of my friendship group have husband's that pull their weight and treat us with respect so there isn't much to grumble about!

Totally agree with you OP, sounds extremely boring.
Also this kind of venting I think simply helps women stay in crap relationships

Maybe because it's a varied group, they are focusing on the common ground they share? If you all haven't known each other that long they may be sticking to safe chit chat until they get a feel for where everyone else is coming from. Then you will hear their opinions about other stuff.

It does sound dull as it stands, though!

Husbands are a 'safe' topic in a way. Bringing up politics, religion, finances, feminism, education, etc, can all quickly slip into 'debates' and they may not want to jeopardise the study group by throwing up areas of contention. I wouldn't imagine it means they think their husbands are the only interesting topic.

YANBU. That sounds very dull indeed.

Do they work as well as study?
I'm a SAHM to a toddler/student and tbh I don't have any hobbies apart from baking and 99% of my socialising is with DH or other families and DC.
Going to uni is my only me time/ 'interesting' thing to talk about.

They might just not have the time/headspace to have read any good books lately/have any opinion on current affairs.

I'm with you, OP - I'd be disappointed too. If nothing else, it's boring. My friends don't tend to do it, but it does come up on the mum rounds. I hate it, and feel the group joining in just normalises that men are crap at housework and looking after their kids.

You probably did it without realising when you were with your exP, but now separated you probably feel a bit like you can’t join in and would rather talk about something else! Same as it’s boring as fuck talking about kids until you have one, then you find yourself doing it all the time —and trying not to so you don’t sound boring as fuck—

Strikeout fail

Oh dear me. Yes, YABU. Maybe those women think the things you talk about are boring?