Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Flatmate gave her BF a key

43 replies

QuestionableMouse · 24/04/2018 20:50

In uni accommodation. Flatmate was in her room. Her boyfriend opens the flat door with the key and comes in. We'd both been in for about an hour when it happened.

I really need a shower but I don't want to go in while he's here (something about him makes me deeply uncomfortable.) He shouldn't have the key, should he? I feel really unsettled knowing he can walk in whenever he likes. I thought he'd done the same the other night but convinced myself that flatmate was with him.

Thinking about reporting it to the accom office tomorrow but I don't know if I'm over reacting.

OP posts:
SurfnTerfFantasticmissfoxy · 24/04/2018 20:51

This is out of order - he is not a tenant and has no business having a key. Take it up with her first and ask that he gives the key back and if you get nowhere then report it to the accommodation office.

BanjoStarz · 24/04/2018 20:52

Deffo not over reacting.

Would you give a key to your boyfriend without mentioning it to your flat mate?

Of course you wouldn’t, it’s basic manners.

I’d mention it to the accommodation office, ours used to come down on people like a ton of bricks for unauthorised use of keys - I.e getting a spare cut for your boyfriend (I’m assuming they’ve had it cut rather than asked the office for a new one?)

WorraLiberty · 24/04/2018 20:52

I second what Surf says.

Take it up with her first before reporting.

Magpie24 · 24/04/2018 20:53

Your flatmate should have discussed this with you first. YANBU

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 24/04/2018 20:53

Not BU
Report to accommodation , bypass her completely
Instincts are there for a reason Sad

LIZS · 24/04/2018 20:54

If uni accommodation it is likely to be against the rules. However as long as she is there, he is just a visitor, so not sure why it prevents you taking a shower, there must be a lock on the door.

Bramble71 · 24/04/2018 20:56

She's probably in contravention of her licence by giving him a key and there is so much that could go wrong here. I'm not at all surprised that you feel uncomfortable. Did she even bother to let you know that she'd given him a key?

Can the university move you, or would you be satisfied to have the locks changed with only actual occupants having a key?

YANBU at all here.

Akire · 24/04/2018 20:57

Has he moved in? Can understand maybe if he was coming over after work and she might not be home yet but not to ring the door to check anyone’s back? Walking in looks like his feet well and rarely under table.

buddhasbelly · 24/04/2018 20:57

Yup what Surf says.

Hopefully you get somewhere with her - do you get on well in general?

Original poster
QuestionableMouse · 24/04/2018 20:59

All keys have to be signed for so I'm assuming he's either got hers or they've had one cut.

I had no idea he had a key until he walked in just now. I'm not comfortable going in the shower with a strange man in the flat who I don't know. I know the bathroom door locks but last time I showered when he was here he watched me walk from the bathroom to my room and it really freaked me out. (Okay, written like that it sounds daft but I really didn't like the way he was looking at me!)

OP posts:
KirbyKane · 24/04/2018 21:03

Just talk to her about it? I wouldn't go reporting her before you've had a serious adult conversation with her. You do have to live with her after all. It's hard sometimes to deal with the confrontation but it's much better dealt with in house.

bastardkitty · 24/04/2018 21:03

It doesn't sound daft. It's completely out of order. I would probably go straight to the accommodation people. She shouldn't have put you in this position.

Original poster
QuestionableMouse · 24/04/2018 21:13

We've had words over other things before and she's not the most receptive so I can't see this going any better...

OP posts:
Iflyaway · 24/04/2018 21:21

Yea, I would be totally creeped out at a strange man watching me walking out of the shower in a towel too.

I'd just flag it up to the accomodation office if she's unreceptive to you OP.

You need too feel safe in your living space.

TenancyTroublesAgain · 24/04/2018 21:22

It's unacceptable, report her.

Iflyaway · 24/04/2018 21:23

to

Gemini69 · 24/04/2018 21:25

no way is this fair on you OP.... not fair atall Flowers

OldHag1 · 24/04/2018 21:33

Doesn’t he even knock first - what if you were parading around naked? Or with your partner?

What kind of key is it? Can you leave it in the lock when you are home alone so he can’t get in or do you have another lock on the door?

What dispd your flat mate say when he just walked in?

Out of order

CocoaGin · 24/04/2018 21:39

No way is that acceptable. I'd report her. She'll just lie and say he's returned it.
You're not sharing a flat with him and he doesn't need a key.

kaytee87 · 24/04/2018 21:41

Report.

In the meantime, take your clothes into the bathroom so you can dress in there before walking out.

Original poster
QuestionableMouse · 24/04/2018 21:46

I was in a big thick robe and still felt naked. He's very big and very loud and just creeps me out. I'll pop into the office tomorrow and see what they say.

OP posts:
UtterlyRainbowed · 24/04/2018 21:50

Your University will do something.

We all had to sign for our keys and they were these weird super secure ones - each one opened the main door, eight would open a specific flat and one would open a specific bedroom. No other key could fit in any other bedroom lock.

Except that four of us accidentally (complete drunken mistake) found out our keys opened the flat above's door. They were really nice about it and made us chips (we knew them and had them in our flat regularly) but were, understandably, not feeling comfortable about the lack of security. They asked, as a security concern, if they could try our keys in their locks - mine opened two doors. The following day they asked if they could try their keys in our locks and not one of their keys worked. We mentioned it to the Accommodation Office and they came round and tested all of the keys in all of the locks. As a result all flats had locks changed, as did some bedrooms.

They would take this seriously too. If we key shared/had keys cut we were immediately evicted. One of the girls in the flat below passed her key out of the window to a friend to get into the building and she was evicted because someone reported it.

If he makes you feel uncomfortable then listen to your gut

Original poster
QuestionableMouse · 24/04/2018 21:53

Thanks. I don't want her to be evicted but at the same time I don't want a strange man walking in whenever he feels like it.

OP posts:
Doobigetta · 24/04/2018 21:56

It depends whether he had her key, or she has given him a copy. The former I wouldn't worry about because he'll have to give it back- he can't keep it and let himself in when she isn't there. But the latter isn't on and I'd report it.

Original poster
QuestionableMouse · 25/04/2018 10:17

I spoke to her this morning and she denied it, telling me I must have misheard and that he didn't let himself in because she'd got up to open the door (she 100% didn't- I heard the key in the door and her door didn't open). Planning to speak to the accom people this afternoon and see what they say.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread