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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have said something...

45 replies

Worried7190 · 23/04/2018 23:30

My sister left her two year old asleep in the car on a sunny day while she was shopping. She said she had the window open. The car was parked in a supermarket car park, she'd have been 15-20 mins in the shop (guessing by the amount of shopping).

I told her she shouldn't do it and she must wake her dc up and go shopping together. She said dc was fine to be left, and that I was only saying that to make her feel bad.

I am now wondering if I should have kept quiet? I just wouldn't leave my little one for that long in the car, especially on a hot day. I was really shocked tbh.

WIBU?

OP posts:
Coolaschmoola · 23/04/2018 23:33

No. It's neglect. No excuse for such appalling behaviour.

She's lucky noone phoned the police, stole her child, or crashed into her car.

Your sister is a disgrace.

WorraLiberty · 23/04/2018 23:34

I'm surprised you have to ask.

I probably would have called the police and that's not the sort of thing I do lightly.

CheeseRollingChampion · 23/04/2018 23:37

I've seen the police called for that and they didn't take kindly to it. It's absolutely neglect. dangerous and totally irresponsible.

Bumble1830 · 23/04/2018 23:38

No, you are definately NBU. I would never EVER leave a child in a car whatever the weather. That DC couldve woken up and opened the door and got out, then what would've happened? The fact that it was hot is also shocking....,you hear horror stories about what happens when little ones are left in hot cars. Shes feeling guilty and taking it out on you.

someonewhowonders · 23/04/2018 23:38

Sorry to say but if I'd seen your sisters car with the child in it I'd have called the police, so no, you're not being unreasonable.

SweetMoon · 23/04/2018 23:38

No that's not ok. Very different if she'd pulled up right outside a shop and popped in quick whilst being able to see the car and was literally 2 minutes. But 15-20 in a supermarket. Not on.

GorgeousJaws · 23/04/2018 23:38

Seriously?! What a silly cow, I'd have wrung her neck, never mind the police.

Original poster
Worried7190 · 23/04/2018 23:39

I met her afterwards, dc was still asleep and was absolutely fine... but I just was so surprised because other than this, my sister is a really excellent mum. I think she maybe just didn't (doesn't?) understand what could happen?

How do I speak with her about without sounding judgemental? If she thinks I'm being judgemental then she may dig her heels in and I'd rather she just never did it again. I love her dc to bits.

OP posts:
Bexter801 · 23/04/2018 23:42

I think not only should you definitely have said something,remind her again how wrong this is.....she can't keep an eye on dc,anything could have happened! I know you don't want to hurt her feelings,but it's insanity to think you can leave a 2 year old unattended in a car for 15-20 mins. What if dc woke up,no one there,what if someone smashed into car,tried to break into it,if dc was sick......

2ofstedsin24weeksistakingthep · 23/04/2018 23:43

You were definitely right to say something. What would have happened if the DC woke up and she wasn't there? Or god forbid they overheated?

I recently left my almost 10YO alone in the car whilst I nipped into the local shop. He had been left lots of times with his 13 YO sister and asked if he could stay alone. I was gone under 5 mins and when I got back he was in floods of tears as he thought I had been gone ages and had been in an accident. A hard lesson was learnt by both of us that day that he isn't yet emotionally mature enough to wait in the car alone.

Bexter801 · 23/04/2018 23:44

Say that from the bottom of your heart your not being judgemental,but that wouldn't she rather hear it from you,than some randomer passing the car that could call police or social services.

WorraLiberty · 23/04/2018 23:48

I think she maybe just didn't (doesn't?) understand what could happen?
If she's a grown up NT woman then of course she understands what could happen, yet still chose to take that risk.

If she's not a grown up NT woman, then you probably need to get her some help in understanding child safety.

Original poster
Worried7190 · 23/04/2018 23:51

@Bexter801 - that's pretty much what I said when she accused me of saying it to upset her. X

OP posts:
Original poster
Worried7190 · 23/04/2018 23:52

@WorraLibery - What's an NT woman?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 24/04/2018 00:00

Sorry OP. NT = neurologically typical

As in not having any additional needs like mental health issues or autism for example.

Original poster
Worried7190 · 24/04/2018 00:07

Thanks, Worra, yes she's a grown up NT woman.

OP posts:
HippityHoppityWho · 24/04/2018 00:09

Even if it wasn't hot- hell NO. Hot too, what the f**k?

Honestly, sister or not, if she did it again I'd actually report her.

SneakyGremlins · 24/04/2018 00:10

The longest I was ever left in a car was at a petrol station. Certainly not 20 minutes!

cadburyegg · 24/04/2018 00:11

The temperature in a parked car can rise to scary levels in the space of 20 minutes.

YANBU at all.

Jon66 · 24/04/2018 00:12

I guess if you imagine the worse thing, somebody breaks into the vehicle, the child be removed from the vehicle by person unknown and disappears, there is your answer. It's not something I would do, like leaving a child in a hotel room whilst having dinner elsewhere, but lots of people do.

Noqonterfy · 24/04/2018 00:14

That's so dangerous op in this weather. I would keep nagging her about it personally and tell her the dangers. Over and over. And report her if she carries on with it.

PookieSnackenberger · 24/04/2018 00:20

Perhaps get her to read about some of the car thefts with children, especially as she helpfully left the window open.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-21187083/horror-as-car-stolen-with-baby-inside

www.nottinghampost.com/news/local-news/car-stolen-11-year-old-1103632

Just a couple but this has happened at least twice in the London borough I live in. Just not worth the risk however small, and that's without considering her child waking up, being distraught, wriggling out of car seat straps, getting hurt in some way, choking etc. etc. All very, very unlikely to happen but possible.

ReanimatedSGB · 24/04/2018 00:22

People think this is an acceptable risk to take because, most of the time, it is safe enough: your DN was unharmed. Unfortunately, it is still quite risky, especially on a hot day - kids have died due to being left in cars (not in enormous numbers, but it's not that rare, either). But there is so much idiotic, guilt-tripping, often misogyny-based fuss about pretty much anything a mother does that will make her life a tiny bit easier that it becomes more difficult to assess risk accurately.

sockunicorn · 24/04/2018 00:23

i would just send her this link OP

abbey44 · 24/04/2018 00:25

Maybe show her this thread so she can see it's not just you over-reacting.

Can't imagine how she'd think what she did was reasonable. Just no.

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