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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have said something...

45 replies

Worried7190 · 23/04/2018 23:30

My sister left her two year old asleep in the car on a sunny day while she was shopping. She said she had the window open. The car was parked in a supermarket car park, she'd have been 15-20 mins in the shop (guessing by the amount of shopping).

I told her she shouldn't do it and she must wake her dc up and go shopping together. She said dc was fine to be left, and that I was only saying that to make her feel bad.

I am now wondering if I should have kept quiet? I just wouldn't leave my little one for that long in the car, especially on a hot day. I was really shocked tbh.

WIBU?

OP posts:

Bexter801 · 24/04/2018 00:25

She's just being defensive op....ask her for what reason would you intentionally want to upset her? Give her time to calm down,and bring it up again

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 24/04/2018 00:47

Dont give a moments worry about sounding judgemental. She was wrong. if necessary there are plenty of news stories and advice on the internet about it. Tell her straight out she's wrong and don't tip toe around it. Stick to your guns and don't let her argue you out of it. You know you are right and your neice deserves someone to point it out to her mum.

Puffycat · 24/04/2018 00:51

Absolutely outrageous! I wouldn’t leave a dog in those circumstances!

Emmageddon · 24/04/2018 00:57

If someone had reported a 2yo alone in a car, it would have been a safeguarding issue. It's neglect.

Lacucuracha · 24/04/2018 05:45

Maybe tell her car becomes a mini greenhouse when it's hot? www.thoughtco.com/car-interiors-hot-in-summer-4056790

Smeddum · 24/04/2018 05:49

There’s a video on YouTube showing an uncooked pizza being left in a car on a hot day for 30 minutes. Show her that, you’re absolutely not being judgemental. It’s a real eye opener, and given that every year there are horrendous stories about children (and dogs) left in hot cars in the media there is no excuse.

We’re in Scotland, we had one really nice day where it didn’t get above 18 degrees last week, but because DPs work truck wasn’t in the shade and has plasticky leather seats it was unbearable for the first few seconds of getting in until the windows were all fully down. So a window open a wee bit won’t do much.

Ski40 · 24/04/2018 05:52

You never, ever do that and she is lucky she didn't get reported. If I had walked past and seen that I would have called the police.

summerinthecountry · 24/04/2018 06:07

Children die in hot cars, you were absolutely right to tell her and she is totally wrong to ignore you.

Best case that someone will call the police and she will be reported to SS

Worse case Her child could die in the car

Either way when it comes to something as serious as this, you need to keep telling her.

Nodnol · 24/04/2018 06:22

Show this to your sister.

www.buzzfeed.com/candacelowry/people-were-challenged-to-sit-in-a-hot-car-and-couldnt-even?utm_term=.ckoQ474WX#.wxegw7wAY

Kids in cars gets a huge reaction here in Australia. I’m astounded no one did anything in the twenty minutes- cops would definitely have been called and her windows broken here.

Original poster

Worried7190 · 24/04/2018 06:27

Thanks for replying everyone. I'll show her those articles and I'll look for that pizza video too.

I was just so shocked by it because it's such a dangerous thing and I honestly thought she had more sense.

OP posts:

AjasLipstick · 24/04/2018 06:27

My DD went to play with her friend for the day...both girls were 9. The mother left them in her car in the supermarket car park whilst she went in.

When she came out there was a policewoman standing there and she told the Mother off strongly and took her details.

So no...a 2 year old shouldn't be left.

HippityHoppityWho · 24/04/2018 18:24

People think this is an acceptable risk to take because, most of the time, it is safe enough: your DN was unharmed. Unfortunately, it is still quite risky, especially on a hot day - kids have died due to being left in cars (not in enormous numbers, but it's not that rare, either). But there is so much idiotic, guilt-tripping, often misogyny-based fuss about pretty much anything a mother does that will make her life a tiny bit easier that it becomes more difficult to assess risk accurately.

I'm shocked you think leaving a 2yo alone asleep in the car might be ok anyway? Regardless of temperature, I couldn't do that with a clear conscience!!

ReanimatedSGB · 24/04/2018 19:21

Look, a great many people do things that are a bit/moderately/quite seriously risky because they think: it will only be for a couple of minutes/I can see the car/kid from here/I really need to just do this one thing quickly and, most of all, because they think nothing bad will happen to me.

And, quite a lot of the time, nothing bad does happen. I would agree with gently letting your sister know that leaving a child in a car on a hot day is a lot more dangerous than she might have thought, but back this up with sensible research, not whining and handwringing.

And, in general, it's better not to wail and piss your pants about how dangerous the world is and how 'selfish' mothers are when they take a low-risk chance with a no-harm-done outcome, because the more idiots exaggerate the risk of safe-enough behaviour, the less likely people are to take the wailing and pants-pissing seriously even when there is more of a risk.

emmyrose2000 · 25/04/2018 06:49

Your sister is an irresponsible idiot, and if she was my sister I'd make no bones to her about that.

Had I seen a child left abandoned in a car on its own, I'd have called the police.

Original poster

Worried7190 · 25/04/2018 13:20

I didn't actually see it, and only really found out because she was meeting me and my ds from public transport, and had left her dc in the car to meet me off the train. I said to her that she shouldn't have left her dc and she told me as an aside that she'd left them in the car to go shopping. She may not have been as long as 20 minutes but I saw the amount of shopping and it would take me that long to get three four big bags of stuff (plus middle aisle items).

What worries me most is that she couldn't see the issue. I did mention it to our mum, who also couldn't see the issue (I remember being left in her car as a child on numerous occasions).

I'm going to speak to our other sister about it as I think she'll be on the same page as me (and you lot!)

I would never leave my dc in the car to go shopping. I have left him strapped in his seat as i unpack the car just because I think that's safer than the possibility that he may run out of the front door (into the road) as I'm going backwards and forwards to the house. It's never longer than a few minutes though. I have also left him with dh while I run in to get a few bits.

OP posts:

ToesInWater · 25/04/2018 14:22

It is illegal here in Oz. Chances are she would have come back to find the police by her car as someone would have reported it.

Ohyesiam · 25/04/2018 14:30

A car on my road caught fire and exploded last week.

Aprilmightbemynewname · 25/04/2018 14:33

Has she got a dh /dp you could speak to? He has the right to know she endangered their dc.

DairyisClosed · 25/04/2018 14:35

YANBU. My car would have become dangerously hot in that time.

Original poster

Worried7190 · 25/04/2018 17:19

She's a single mum. I've never met the child's father, and he doesn't seem very interested (the type that doesn't even send a birthday card to his dc).

OP posts:

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