Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To expect people to be on time for dinner

38 replies

confma · 23/04/2018 02:56

Went out on w/e with DH's friends, about 10 couples/families. Dinner was booked at 7 and at 730 only 2 of the couples had arrived.

We have kids 5 and 8 and so did one other couple so at 745 we just ordered because kids were starving. All the other couples casually rock up one by one between 8 and 9. I found this SO rude and disrespectful that it was hard to make pleasantries because I was SO p'd off.

My husband didn't seem to mind, and then got annoyed at me for being anti social. Is it just me or is it totally fine to come 1-2 hours late when meeting people for dinner?

OP posts:
VladPutin · 23/04/2018 03:27

In a restaurant? werent they trying to take an order?

Original poster
confma · 23/04/2018 03:33

Yes, the waiter kept coming but the others kept saying, oh we're still waiting for people to arrive, no one but me seemed really bothered by the lateness, we did order drinks as people arrived so they were still making money I guess.

OP posts:
Want2bSupermum · 23/04/2018 03:41

It's really rude and extremely disrespectful to the restaurant. Showing up an hour late meant they couldn't get a second sitting for dinner.

When people keep me waiting I don't hang around. I have little tolerance for it especially as we all have phones we can communicate with.

londongirl12 · 23/04/2018 03:42

I would have been furious!!!

NewYearNewMe18 · 23/04/2018 04:44

I'd have been annoyed BUT only because that's far too late for a 5yo to be eating - had that been an adults only night with drinks flowing and the restaurant know they are going to make a fine profit, maybe not so miffed.

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish · 23/04/2018 05:03

I would have just gone ahead and ordered, eaten with the ones there , paid and left ...and when the rest turn up and message where are you...I'd reply, our table was booked for 7...me , dh, kids and (whoever else showed up) waited, and when you didn't show up we went ahead and ordered..

I would not have waited until they turned up by 9pm to order...I'm surprised a restaurant let a table booked for 7pm still be occupied all that time as they will have other customers and other bookings...

Sweetpea55 · 23/04/2018 05:12

That's the hight of rudeness. I know you had children with you who need feeding and you can't expect them to wait until everyone else arrives. I hate lateness and I wouldn't have waited longer than 30.mins. Would have ordered eaten and left. And not gone out with them again

PlumsGalore · 23/04/2018 05:14

Ten couples with families seems far too many to have an organised dinner tbh. I wouldn't make arrangements with that many people unless it was a "family" pub/restaurant where you could monopolise a large table for drinks and just keep ordering food at different times.

Daifuku9 · 23/04/2018 05:16

That’s very rude, especially to be that late and no word of warning. I’m surprised the restaurant didn’t have you wait for the entire party to arrive to be seated.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 23/04/2018 05:47

This is very bizarre. Were the others all out somewhere together? Who organised it? Somewhere along the line there must have been a message that it was super casual and they should just turn up whenever. That many people cannot simultaneously be that rude.

isthismummy · 23/04/2018 05:50

Beyond rude! How can people even begin to think that's OK? I'd have been furious too op!

Do your friends have form for lateness/being incredibly rude?

InfiniteSheldon · 23/04/2018 05:53

Sounds like the arrangement was from 7 not at 7. Maybe it's normal for that group and your DH is the one at fault for not telling you the actual plan.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 23/04/2018 05:57

I have a 10 minute rule, if they've not made contact 10 minutes after they should have met I either go or get on with the activity.

Sounds harsh but I had to use it on an incredibly late (now ex) husband and family, and it worked.

HagueBlue2018 · 23/04/2018 06:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Twoo · 23/04/2018 06:13

I think being late, especially when you have not let anyone know you are running late is very rude.

To rock up 2 hours late is plain disrespectful both to the restaurant and to your friends.

speakout · 23/04/2018 06:33

It's disrespectful, but I would never expect my 5 year old to eat dinner at 7.30pm. That's nearly bedtime. My 5 year olds are ravenous by 5pm.,

summerinthecountry · 23/04/2018 06:34

I would have waited 15 mins and then texted to say I was ordering for the dc. half an hour and would have sent another that we were ordering as it was getting late for the dc.

At 9pm I would have been on my way out and waving goodbye to them, I wonder if your dh would have found that anti-social? They can hardly expect anything else if they are 2 hours late, it is unbelievably disrespectful and rude, especially as you have children.

Did they know you were coming with dc?

Did they have babysitters or were simply child free? I am often late with sitters as the dc take longer to settle etc, but I always text if this happens.

Perimenirant · 23/04/2018 06:35

I have a rule for certain serial tarde people that if they are late that is their problem and it is not going to affect my enjoyment. We are not going to hang around for them. That means I will order food or go into a venue and get on with what we are there to do. Often they get annoyed because we didn't wait but I don't care. I am generally on time and am mortified if someone has to wait for me. Sometimes people are deliberately doing it for some weird kick.

speakout · 23/04/2018 06:39

You should have simply ordered.

Again I think it's nuts to attend an evening bash with a 5 year old. With 10 familes/couples you are unlikely to finish the meal in under 2 hours, so with late starting, and lingering over pudding it will be a 10 pm finish- 10.30 bed time for a 5 year old.

Far too late for young kids.

Shizzlestix · 23/04/2018 06:48

I’m presuming it was a casual restaurant like Toby carvery, because no other restaurant would tolerate that and if there were 10 couples with dc, I can’t think of any restaurant that would book that many except for a special occasion.

BarbaraofSevillle · 23/04/2018 06:59

I can’t think of any restaurant that would book that many except for a special occasion

Eh? I never understand why people say stuff like this. Do you know the policies of every restaurant in the country? Or even the world, the OP doesn't say she is in the UK.

I'm in a sporting club that goes out for dinner on a semi regular basis for no particular reason. The usual party size is about 10, but we often have 20-25 people going and we've never had a problem with getting a reservation if the restaurants have space.

I wonder if there are cultural issues at play here? For example, the Spanish are famous for eating later than many other Europeans and being relaxed with timescales and if you tell them 'dinner is at 7' to them that means maybe arrive for drinks sometime after 8 with a view to eating from 9, even with DCs.

But I agree that in the circumstances that the OP describes, arriving that late would be rude and I would be on time for something like that and by 7.20/7.30 assume they weren't coming and order for the people who are there.

lastnamefirstfirstnamelast · 23/04/2018 07:02

One thing i cant stand is lateness. So yes its rude just to expect others to wait around for tardiness.

ForTheLoveOfCrispyCreme · 23/04/2018 07:10

That's so rude!!
How were other people not annoyed by this?! Angry

WatchoutDSisdriving · 23/04/2018 07:26

Are you in the UK and are all parties involved British? If so I find that very odd, maybe a gap of 15 mins between everyone arriving but no more.

However attitudes to time keeping vary massively between cultures so I would be less surprised if there are different nationalities involved.

kmc1111 · 23/04/2018 07:44

This would be completely normal with my big group of friends. We’ll be there for many hours, so people just come and go as it suits them.

Never had an issue with a restaurant, in fact two of these friends own restaurants. The restaurants make far more off our drinks bill than they’d make from a standard second sitting anyway.

Swipe left for the next trending thread