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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To expect people to be on time for dinner

38 replies

confma · 23/04/2018 02:56

Went out on w/e with DH's friends, about 10 couples/families. Dinner was booked at 7 and at 730 only 2 of the couples had arrived.

We have kids 5 and 8 and so did one other couple so at 745 we just ordered because kids were starving. All the other couples casually rock up one by one between 8 and 9. I found this SO rude and disrespectful that it was hard to make pleasantries because I was SO p'd off.

My husband didn't seem to mind, and then got annoyed at me for being anti social. Is it just me or is it totally fine to come 1-2 hours late when meeting people for dinner?

OP posts:
notsohippychick · 23/04/2018 07:47

Beyond rude! You did well to stay! I would have eaten, for the bill and left especially if my two children were there!!

NorthernKnickers · 23/04/2018 07:59

I wouldn't have waited! I despise tardiness...it's beyond rude!

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 23/04/2018 08:05

Was it restaurant or a pub? For a pub where everyone just orders food as they go then this might be acceptable. For a restaurant unacceptable.

LakieLady · 23/04/2018 08:15

I think it's really rude. Being late through no fault of your own happens sometimes, like traffic coming to a standstill because of an accident or the trains being crap, but when people are habitually late, it gets right on my tits.

When someone can't be arsed to turn up on time, it's almost like they think their time is more important than yours: they think it's ok for you to sit twiddling your thumbs while they get on with other stuff.

My SIL and her family are like this. The whole extended family will be waiting to eat, dinner will be ruined by having been kept warm, and when they finally rock up it's "DS2 had a tennis match/cricket practice/party". It's always events that are pre-planned that make them late, so why not just say "We won't be able to get there till X time"?

And her husband will often arrive even later, or leave early, because he's got a game of golf!

We've all given up waiting for them now, we just eat and leave theirs in the oven.

TheDishRanAwayWithTheSpoon · 23/04/2018 08:17

This is so rude irrelevant of whether you have kids with you or not! Anyone who says otherwise is kidding themselves, theres no excuse, no "haha im so sociable" its plain rude, restaurant or pub. Turning up 2 hrs late is just ridiculous, i'd have given them till 7.30 and then ordered. They were lucky someone turned up to keep the table.

Angrybird345 · 23/04/2018 08:20

That’s appalling! I’d be pushed off to, but I’d have ordered by 8 regardless of who was there.

MargaretCavendish · 23/04/2018 08:37

Another one who thinks that this is so rude that for all these different couples to do it, there must have either been a cultural issue or a context that made it a bit more acceptable, surely?! If in a pub then I can see it being more of a 'come from 7', with no real rush. It sounds like the only people with children were those who got there on time, so I suspect the others just didn't think about the children eating (and maybe didn't expect you to bring them at all?). In my friendship group for a pub thing you turn up when you're free (though it is polite to give an ETA). If this was a restaurant, though, it's appalling!

MargaretCavendish · 23/04/2018 08:39

It would be really interesting to hear your husband's account of this, as he clearly didn't find it surprising or unexpected and so I think may have had different expectations of the whole 'event'.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 23/04/2018 08:47

I would have just ordered I would expect a text if more that 1/2 hour late but if the time was from 7 rather than at 7 I wouldn’t expect most to turn up at 7 more like 8

If we go to a family meal dinner for 8 we know that means earliest 930 as someone pointed out not all cultures are so ridged with their timing

Claire90ftm · 23/04/2018 09:00

I would be furious! No way would I hang around. If they're late by 20 minutes I'd have ordered, eaten and gotten out of there. There is no excuse for not communicating that they were going to be late. So rude!

DingDongDenny · 23/04/2018 09:42

We have Italian frends like this. I once stayed in for them for 3 hours on a sunny day, waiting to take them out somewhere. We had several texts - 'we'll be half an hour' 'on our way' 'just nipped to the shop'

We only get 5 days of Summer in Scotland, I'm not going to waste one of them hanging around.

Since then we always meet them at the place, so it doesn't matter if they turn up or not

Sparklyshoes16 · 23/04/2018 10:10

I would have just gone ahead and ordered, eaten with the ones there , paid and left ...and when the rest turn up and message where are you...I'd reply, our table was booked for 7...me , dh, kids and (whoever else showed up) waited, and when you didn't show up we went ahead and ordered..

I would not have waited until they turned up by 9pm to order...I'm surprised a restaurant let a table booked for 7pm still be occupied all that time as they will have other customers and other bookings...

This^^

I might have given them till 7.30 max YANBU it's so rude!!

Shouldileavethedogs · 23/04/2018 12:56

Despise people who think they're time is more important that yours. I've ended friendships based on the time keeping principles.

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