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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you think this is cringy?!

47 replies

Timeforachange2018 · 21/04/2018 22:03

Feeling embarrassed about an incident this morning with a school parent Blush
Good friends husband was in a cafe this morning that I was in. He was sitting with his back to cafe so as I was ordering I touched him on the shoulder and said hi. He literally reacted like I had behaved in the most over familiar way ever and it was all really embarrassing but I was just being friendly and have known the family 6 years and been to loads of social events at their house.
I feel really embarrassed but aibu? I was just being sociable but his reaction was of total WTF!
Aibu? I feel really embarrassed now but was honestly just saying hello Confused

OP posts:
PinkCalluna · 21/04/2018 22:05

How specifically did he react?

Maybe you startled him or doesn’t like being touched?

Ohyesiam · 21/04/2018 22:05

What was his reaction?

Louiselouie0890 · 21/04/2018 22:06

You havent really explained what his reaction was

Original poster
Timeforachange2018 · 21/04/2018 22:08

He looked at me in a kind of who the fuck are you way 🙈 I do know him really well to be fair but now feel like I was very over familiar

OP posts:
Puffycat · 21/04/2018 22:09

He fancies you

mavismcruet · 21/04/2018 22:10

You are overthinking it. He acted oddly not you.

upsideup · 21/04/2018 22:10

Did you just startle him as you touched his shoulder from behind?

Biggreygoose · 21/04/2018 22:10

I HATE being touched. I can tolerate shaking hands. DP and DS are the only ones really that I feel comfortable being touched by. Hugs from strangers are torture. Being tapped on the back or shoulder induces a stomach clenching spasms.

So, unless he thumped you in the face, IMO his reaction was reasonable!

I do realise I am not 'normal' when it comes to this though.

PinkCalluna · 21/04/2018 22:11

You may know him well but perhaps he didn’t recognise you out of context, had a mental blank and couldn’t remember your name, or as I said before just was startled.

You’re overthinking it.

PinkCalluna · 21/04/2018 22:12

He fancies you really Puff? Where is the evidence for that?

Original poster
Timeforachange2018 · 21/04/2018 22:12

I probably am overthinking it but it was SO awkward

OP posts:
Louiselouie0890 · 21/04/2018 22:14

You probably startled him

Notcontent · 21/04/2018 22:14

Don’t worry about it OP! It was’t you being weird - it as him.

DingDongDenny · 21/04/2018 22:16

I have a really acute startle reflex. If someone had surprised me like that I would have jumped and looked startled.

But I then would have laughed it off. Maybe he was just embarrassed at his own reaction.

How was he afterwards - did he chat normally?

Original poster
Timeforachange2018 · 21/04/2018 22:18

He wasn’t bet normal after- it was all very socially awkward. I felt like s right twat if I am honest - I think that’s why it’s bugging me!

OP posts:
Original poster
Timeforachange2018 · 21/04/2018 22:19

*very not bet

OP posts:
happymumof4crazykids · 21/04/2018 22:24

Maybe you caught him out meeting someone else?

MyNewAlias · 21/04/2018 22:24

Is he British? I know in some cultures it may be unusual for a lady to touch a man she is not related to.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 21/04/2018 22:27

HIs reaction was odd. You didn't nothing wrong OP. It's the kind of thing that might have bothered me a few years ago, but I wouldn't give headspace to now.

Don't let someone else's odd reaction make you feel bad about yourself.

Ohyesiam · 21/04/2018 22:28

It does sound cringe, but your intention was to connect, and the way you approached him was ok. He might hate being touched, but you weren’t to know that, and if his reaction is so strong he could manage it better by not sitting with his back to the room.
So yes, might have been cringe, but not due to you.

Gemini69 · 21/04/2018 22:28

He's a very delicate sensitive powder soft gent.... must have got a big massive fright being tapped gently on the shoulder... Hmm

HermionesRightHook · 21/04/2018 22:30

I have a strong startle reflex and I am SHIT with people when they're outside my normal context. Like, I could walk past my own mother if I bumped into her in a different city and I wasn't expecting it. And I'm sure I've been a complete tit after similar interactions - could it be something like that and he's kicking himself for being weird/slightly aggressive/off putting as well?

Loobyloomicles · 21/04/2018 22:30

Happy - that was my first thought too!

PinkCalluna · 21/04/2018 22:31

Put it out of your mind Time it doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong at all.

SleepFreeZone · 21/04/2018 22:31

I’m going to guess he was up to no good on his phone and you caused him to ‘guilt jump’. That’s why he couldn’t act normal afterwards as he was probably trying to get his heart rate back down.