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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give DC a second dinner...such a stupid matter

52 replies

melclaire1111 · 21/04/2018 21:35

This is ridiculously trivial but has resulted in an all night argument.

Bit of a back story...last week had a Chinese take away, DD who is nearly 2 ate pretty much a whole portion of rice (I didn't realise she had this much but ideas busy sorting out everyone else's drinks) subsequently she was sick with a sore belly that night.

More family round tonight, they wanted a take away again, I didn't really want to give Dd any but was convinced she would be fine. She had one mouthful of rice, gagged and threw it back up. So i went and put some baked beans & sausages in the microwave for her which she then ate about half of. (Not the healthiest dinner I know but was quick to do)

DH has now spent all evening moaning that I shouldn't have done her an extra dinner, she should just eat what she was given and now it's going to make her spoilt and she'll expect me to do something else for her everytime she doesn't like something. My line of thinking was it was better she ate something rather than nothing and it took literally 2 minutes to do!

OP posts:
Paddingtonthebear · 21/04/2018 21:36

Why is he expecting you to be in charge of her dinner?

IHateToCashew · 21/04/2018 21:38

Oh for God's sake. It's a one off. Your DH is being completely ridiculous. If you did it for every meal, it would maybe be a problem, but you don't.

If anything, forcing her to eat food that makes her physically sick would probably cause MORE issues with food than cooking an alternative would.

Paddingtonthebear · 21/04/2018 21:38

What you did was fine. She’s not even 2. Just make her something else when you have a takeaway. She shouldn’t really be eating takeaways anyway IMO.

UpstartCrow · 21/04/2018 21:38

WTF - no YANBU. Your DH is being pretty controlling. You cant force a child to eat a food that makes them gag..

Lukeandlorelai4Ever · 21/04/2018 21:38

He is being unreasonable, if she gagged on it it's obviously not her fault. I can't understand your husbands way of thinking

Puffycat · 21/04/2018 21:39

Yeah didn’t see DH making an effort to make sure DD had some food!
Kids can be funny with food but your poor LO obviously had issues with the rice.
Better to get something in them, nowt wrong with sausage n beans!

happytobemrsg · 21/04/2018 21:40

if what I was giving my toddler DS made him ill I would 100% make him something else

DanceDisaster · 21/04/2018 21:40

Your dh was fine with her eating a Chinese takeaway as a second meal of the evening, but not ok with you heating up some baked beans for her Confused? He’s bonkers.

Could your family not just hold off on ordering their takeaway until your dd has gone to bed next time? That way there’s no need for her to have another meal.

TalkFastThinkSlow · 21/04/2018 21:41

Your husband sounds like a twat.

Or he didn't fully grasp the situation

YANBU

the only takeaway my DS (21 months) is allowed is chips!

viques · 21/04/2018 21:44

Some foods can provoke very strong reactions, I came down with a dreadful cold the day after eating a mushroom stroganoff, nothing to do with the food at all, a pure coincidence, but I couldn't face eating mushrooms in any form for about two years afterwards, still not that fond of them now though I loved them -once! I think it was my body associating the mushrooms with the illness and protecting itself. Maybe your dd was experiencing something similar with the rice, or maybe the smell of it triggered the respons.

viques · 21/04/2018 21:45

Ps absolutely fine to give her an alternative IMO.

OnTheRise · 21/04/2018 21:46

You can't expect her to eat a dinner that makes her gag.

Your partner is being very foolish.

ohfourfoxache · 21/04/2018 21:47

Yeah, he’s being a dick

She sounds like a good eater. What did he want, for her to go to bed hungry?

Susanjeffery1984 · 21/04/2018 21:48

YANBU!!
On numerous occasions I’ve had to cook my daughter (19mths) different meals because she has decided that what she loved last week is repulsive that day. It’s a pain but I’d rather she ate.
I think I’d rather my toddler ate baked beans than a Chinese takeaway anyway.

Wolfiefan · 21/04/2018 21:48

Normally I wouldn't cook a second dinner. My kids have to try dinner. If they can't eat it they can have fruit or toast or something like that. (They can normally eat some at least.)
This was different. Given your child isn't even 2 and was sick after recently eating this same food then I wouldn't say they had to eat that or go hungry.

Bluntness100 · 21/04/2018 21:49

Wow. That would worry me a bit. In terms of if he is this strict now, what will he be like as she grows up. She's not allowed to dislike any food and has to eat what she's given? Even if it makes her gag?

That's quite shocking and cruel. Especially when you consider it's in relation to a two year old.

Glumglowworm · 21/04/2018 21:52

I’m betting your DH wouldn’t eat a meal that was making him gag and vomit, why on earth does he think a toddler should?!

She’s not even two! She wasn’t whining or being naughty, she had a strong physical reaction that’s out of her control.

RJnomore1 · 21/04/2018 21:55

I'm of the "it's not a hotel you eat what you're given" brigade and even I would have popped through and got her something else in that scenario.

Ywnbu

mineofuselessinformation · 21/04/2018 21:55

Tell him if it's such an issue for him, he can decide on food in the future - and deal with trying to put her to bed when she's still hungry....
It's not like you cooked her sea bass or fillet steak is it? 😃
(And, fwiw, I'd have done the same as you - children can't help it if certain tastes and textures trigger a gag reflex, they're not doing it 'on purpose' to be fussy - I have a dc who couldn't tolerate the skins on things like baked beans until they got to their twenties!)

Notcontent · 21/04/2018 22:02

Your husband is mad. Firstly, a takeaway Chinese is not the best dinner for a 2 year old. Secondly, small children have very sensitive taste buds and are actually genetically programmed to be a bit fussy and selective about food as a protective mechanism. My dd was very fussy at that age, only eating very plain food. I never made an issue of it but just gave her what she would eat as long as it was healthy. She is now 11 and eats nearly everything!

Love51 · 21/04/2018 22:07

If I find myself being a bit over punitive with the kids, I pretend they aren't my kids for a moment and think what would I do if they were someone else - like a visitor to your home? You'd so make them something else (or point them to the toaster, but not aged 2!)

maddiemookins16mum · 21/04/2018 22:07

YANBU, I'd have nuked a mini tin of Thomas the Wank Engine spaghetti shapes in a flash also (and buttered some toast). She's 2 fgs.

sprinklesandsauce · 21/04/2018 22:09

In this instance, you did the right thing. Your DD gagged, no doubt reminded of being ill last week!

I had D&V once after an Indian meal (no connection, DD was already ill) but I couldn’t face eating that meal again for a very long time!

Original poster
melclaire1111 · 21/04/2018 22:09

Thank you everyone. Glad it's not just me that thinks he was being unreasonable.

Fwiw Dd is normally very good with food, her current favourites are carrots and bananas so I know when she really doesn't like something. We also don't normally have take aways we have just had a couple of family birthdays where it's been the dinner of choice.

OP posts:
DwangelaForever · 21/04/2018 22:10

I never give my 18 month old takeaway (except for McDonald's kfc etc) if we are having an Indian or a chinese I always make her an easy dinner just for her.

I have no doubt she would love to share our takeaways but for now I'm a bit precious of them and their salt and fat content 🙈.